An End to Co-Sleeping?

Matt and I knew from the very beginning that we wanted to co-sleep with Henry for a couple of reasons. First, we figured it would make breastfeeding in the night infinitely more easy if I could just roll over and satiate his appetite. Secondly, we wanted our child to feel safe, secure, and close to us after leaving the coziness of the womb. Finally, we wanted to be able to more closely monitor him and make sure he was okay through the night.

Since I wasn't sure what kind of co-sleeping or bed-sharing situation would work best for us and our queen-sized bed, I had two different systems ready to go before Henry was born. The first system was the Summer Infant Rest Assured Sleeper:


We figured it would work well on the floor next to our low platform bed.

Our next system was the Baby Delight Snuggle Nest (without the sleep positioners featured below):

We figured that system would be great if we wanted Henry to sleep in the bed with us.

We started with the Snuggle Nest because it became immediately apparent that we wanted to be as close to Henry as possible. However, the Snuggle Nest only lasted about a day for two reasons:

1. We have a queen-sized bed, so there was no way to contain Matt, the Snuggle Nest, Henry, and me while breastfeeding. I had to move the Snuggle Nest every time, which quickly defeated the purpose of making my life easier with bed-sharing.
2. Henry made it known early on that he was a very light sleeper and could not tolerate being moved. There was no way to breastfeed him and then transfer him to the Snuggle Nest without waking him up.
   

So we quickly ditched the Snuggle Nest and just let Henry fall asleep while breastfeeding and stay in that spot on the bed.

Here's what I love about bed-sharing:

• I love, love, love being close to my son. It is so affirming to the very core of my being when I scoot over and he immediately scooches over to be closer to me.
• I love staring at his sleeping face in the moonlight.
• I love being able to monitor his breathing.
• I love just rolling over to breastfeed. It makes falling back asleep much easier.

Here's what I don't love about bed sharing:

• It scares the crap out of me having our son sleep on our soft mattress amongst a bunch of pillows and blankets, especially because Henry prefers to sleep on his side or stomach. I have had several mental movies of my sitting on the stand saying, "Yes, your Honor, I was well aware of the 'Back to Sleep' campaign and all the advice about how to make bed sharing safe. Yes, I willfully chose to disregard all of the warnings because I desperately wanted to sleep."
• As I mentioned, we have a queen-sized bed, which means it is a tight fit for the three of us.
• It's difficult to be super-quiet while breastfeeding (e.g., burping, etc.), and I feel bad about waking Matt up unnecessarily.
• In an effort to keep the comforter away from Henry, I am only able to cover the bottom half of my body. My top half is always cold.
• I don't sleep particularly soundly because my little piglet is often rooting around my breast in his sleep.
  
• My arm is always uncomfortable because Henry is pressed up against my side and I have to keep my arm above my head or curved around him.
• I miss the intimacy that comes from just sharing my bedroom with Matt.

At my Montessori class last week, I asked my teacher when she moved her children to their own room. She explained that she did it at eight weeks, since Montessorians believe that the "symbiotic period" lasts from six to eights weeks. That's the period when the mother and the infant are intensely bonding. After that time, the infant becomes more social and starts to turn outward toward the world.

Originally, Matt and I were thinking that we would move Henry to his own room at three months, since that marks the end of the fourth trimester, but we decided to try it out when he was nine weeks old. If it didn't work out, we would immediately revert to bed-sharing.

The awesome thing about having a Montessori floor bed is that I can still lie down while nursing Henry to sleep. In general, I start nursing at 10:30, and Henry falls asleep by 11:00. Our pediatrician said that Henry should be sleeping for at least one, six-hour stretch in the night, so if Henry wakes up before five or six hours (usually because his farts wake him up), then Matt goes in and soothes him back to sleep. If he isn't easily soothed back to sleep, then we assume he's hungry and I feed him.

The next time he wakes up, it's usually been about five hours since his last feeding, so I go in to feed him.

If he wakes up again (usually due to pooping his pants), then Matt goes in to help solve his problem. The next time he wakes up is usually between 7 and 8, so I wake up and we start our day with breastfeeding.

We intentionally transferred Henry to his own bed on a Thursday, since we were anticipating a really rough night. That way, we would only have one day of being tired at work and then we could rest more over the weekend. The first night was surprisingly smooth, although I did cry over the separation. Oh how I love my little piglet!

The second night was much more rough, with Henry waking up a lot more frequently (often a mere 15 minutes after we had soothed him back to sleep). The third night was easier again, and the fourth night was rougher. A lot of it has to do with what kind of day he has. We find that sleep begets sleep. In other words, the better he naps during the day, the better he sleeps at night.

Overall, I'm really happy that we spent two months bed-sharing and that we have now made the transition. It feels wonderful to have our space back, and I sleep so much better. I also love that Matt gets to share more of the nighttime parenting now. Further, in my Montessori class, we talk about attachment and separation. Montessorians believe that separation is a part of healthy attachment. Although the separation was hard for me, I think it will help our family be healthier in the end. Henry will learn that he can still get his needs met even when he is not right next to us, and we will be more rested (and therefore happier and more patient) parents.

Please let me know if you have any questions!

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Co-Sleeping Update

Matt and I realized that our Summer Infant Rest Assured Sleeper is great right next to our bed (since our bed is a platform MALM bed from IKEA and is low to the ground), but it's a little too bulky to fit between us on the queen bed. Further, it's up on little legs, which means we would have to go up and over to see the baby.

I decided that I wanted to have an in-bed co-sleeping option. We don't feel comfortable having the baby directly on the bed, primarily because we have a pillow-top pad that we don't want to remove (it makes sleeping heavenly!), so we went back to the Snuggle Nest we considered a long time ago. It turns out that the Snuggle Nest positioners are dangerous for babies, but those are easily removed.

I was able to find a Snuggle Nest in the classified section of my neighborhood parent group list-serv for a mere $5! Although I am trying my best not to accumulate an overabundance of baby products, I figured it made sense to have two different co-sleeping options, especially since the second option was only $5 (the first option was $60, but fortunately we received it as a registry gift). That way, we can see what works best for us at different times in the process.

Really, all of our problems would be solved if we had a king-sized bed. In that case, we would probably just use the Snuggle Nest. We decided against upgrading to a king-sized bed when I realized that we need to be saving rather than spending money as we head into my 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave!

I was able to remove the outside cover of the Snuggle Rest and thoroughly wash it, as well as the sheet that covers the little mattress. Then I decided to make one more sheet (since I'm trying to have two of everything, if it's likely to get peed/pooped upon).

Everything is ready to go (we're just waiting on the baby--who, by the way, is officially due today!).

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Co-Sleeping Update

Our co-sleeper

Our baby's Montessori floor bed is ready to go (not pictured above). Initially, we bought a quasi-eco-friendly mattress from Costco, but it was approximately five inches off the ground. We decided to return it (which has been the story of this whole nursery process!) and instead purchase a simple foam mattress from IKEA, which is only three inches off the ground. We covered the mattress with a quilted waterproof pad and a simple sheet from Dwell Studios. We have a second set of both the pad and the sheet, so when we need to wash them, we can simply slip the next set on without delay.

At this point, we imagine that we will co-sleep with the baby for approximately the first three months and then transition him to his own room. I say "imagine" because we really have no way of knowing what will feel right at the time. I subscribe to several of the attachment parenting essential understandings, such as the importance of meeting your baby's needs without fear of "spoiling." I believe that infants who just emerged from the womb are going through a huge transition, and it's important for them to feel safe and secure about getting their needs met.

However, I don't want to be the attachment parents who are still sleeping with a two year-old. I absolutely respect families who make that choice for themselves, but, at this point, I think I will want space, and I think it will be healthier for my partnership with Matt. (Editor's Note: I reserve the right to change my mind at any point! I'm just explaining how I feel now.)

Matt and I decided to find a co-sleeper to put next to our bed because we already have enough trouble sharing a queen-sized bed with the two of us. We finally decided on the Summer Infant Rest Assured Sleeper (thanks to Katie R.'s suggestion!). Here's what I like about it:

1. With the legs on, we can set it next to our low platform bed, and it's pretty easy to reach the baby.
2. We can also put it on the bed between us, if we decide there's room.
   
3. The sides are mesh, so it feels safe and we can see the baby.
4. The sides are pretty high, so the risk of the comforter covering the baby seems low.
5. The colors are very neutral, which I appreciate in the world of over-stimulating baby products!

The product didn't come with any type of sheets to cover the little mattress, so I decided to make some out of some sheets I picked up at Target on clearance (a whole lot of fabric for a very low price!). I also wanted to cover the mattress with a waterproof pad in case of leaky diapers. I attached some elastic to a waterproof pad we already had, so it would stretch across the little mattress and wrap around the edges. Then I cut out the fabric for the sheet by essentially following the shape of the mattress and added several extra inches around the outside. I hemmed all the way around the edge to create a tube that I could thread elastic through (just like a fitted sheet). It was a huge pain in the butt, but in the end, it worked out really well. I made two sets of sheets, so one can be in the wash while the other one is in use.

I'll definitely give you another update later, once our co-sleeper is filled with our baby!

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Co-Sleeping Options

I'm getting pretty tired of figuring out all the products we need to be prepared for the arrival of our baby. I'm definitely not buying into the hype of the Baby Industrial Complex (I haven't even stepped foot in a Babies 'R Us), but there's still a lot of stuff to get.

By far, my biggest dilemma is figuring out the co-sleeping situation. We want to co-sleep with our baby initially to promote attachment and make it easier on me to breastfeed in the middle of the night. Although I have no concrete way of predicting how long we'll co-sleep (it totally depends on our baby and how the situation is going), I'm currently thinking somewhere in the three-month range (but I'm really just pulling that number out of my butt). I'll keep you updated.

So, here's the dilemma:

1. We have a queen-sized bed. Matt and I already jockey for space in our bed. There is no way we are fitting another living being in it (we don't let Hoss sleep with us either). Since we can't even consider this option, we don't even need to think through all the safety considerations related to the firmness of our mattress, blankets, etc.
2. That means the baby needs to sleep next to the bed. Since Matt and I have an IKEA Malm bed, we sleep very low to the ground. This means an option like the pack-n-play (which is a an inexpensive, co-sleeping option for the side of the bed) will not work well for us. It would tower over our bed and require more work than I want to reach in and retrieve the baby in the middle of the night. I want to be able to reach over and touch the baby throughout the night.
   
3. The Arm's Reach co-sleeper does have a "universal" option that adjusts to line up with platform-style beds, but it is approximately $240. That's way too much to spend for something that we might not use very long.
4. I've heard about the option of renting a co-sleeper, but I haven't heard of any options in Houston. This option might be worth pursuing; it will just take more annoying work (like I said, I'm getting tired of thinking about all the products!).
5. The space between my side of the bed and the closet is tight. If we get anything too bulky, it will make it difficult to navigate around our room.

So here's what I'm currently considering: Buying a thick mini-crib mattress (I found one that is about 6" high), lining it up next to our bed, and then buying something like this to put on top of the mattress (and put the baby in).

So what do you think? Please help me evaluate my current option, and suggest other ideas!

Looking forward to hearing from you...

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