Reflection & Rejuvenation: March

Remember last month when many of you were really worried about me, my relationship, and my life in general? Well, things got a lot better fast. Don't get me wrong; things haven't been all peaches and cream (is that an expression?), but I almost immediately stopped feeling trapped. The three babysitters I was able to reach out to at the end of January helped me get out of the house and into the community, so I could start working on Magnolia Montessori For All. They seriously saved me from a complete meltdown. In retrospect, I feel bad being so dramatic. Honestly, I could have waited another month before getting started on my big dreams, but at the time, I really did feel like I was getting to the very limits of my capacity to stay home full-time.

The part of my life that hasn't been all rosy has to do with feeling fearful and anxious as I undertake my big, scary, audacious goals. Part of me thinks, "Why pursue something that makes you feel that way? Why not do something more relaxing and easy?" Reading my friend's blog about her own quest to face down her fears has been really inspiring.

It's also hard to be in a new city (I swear Austin's traffic is way more frustrating than Houston's--how is that possible?). I've been really pushing myself to meet new friends (hi, Monja and Todd!) to rebuild the connections I left behind in Houston.

The pocket neighborhood idea is progressing, but the real estate piece has been tricky and slow.

All in all, things are definitely on the up and up. I found an acceptable daycare for Henry, which means our lives are about to significantly shift. Matt will take Henry every morning, which means I will have a huge chunk of uninterrupted time to schedule meetings and work. In April, I will start my part-time job as the Director of Operations and Compliance for a new charter school in East Austin. I've been working in that capacity since the fall, but I'll start getting paid in April and consistently dedicating 20 hours a week. I'll also be part of a regular professional community again, which is hugely exciting to me!

Let's check in and see how I did on my monthly intentions:

• Create a project plan for the year for Montessori For All: Yes! And we had our first board meeting!
  
• Host Henry's first birthday party: Yes!
  
• Get an Austin library card: Nope. Need to change all of our address stuff first.
  
• Change everything to our new address: No. This kind of logistical stuff has completely fallen by the wayside this month. [insert self-forgiveness]
  
• Do one sun salutation before bed every night: No. I'm not sure why not. It's only one!
  
• Practice my mantra "let it go:" Some but not enough.
  
• Update our scrapbook: I can't find our scrapbook at the moment...
  
• Seek out joy in my new city: Hmm...I wouldn't say "joy," per se. We did go to a coffee shop concert and to a farm for dinner. Henry and I have had play dates with new friends, we've tried new restaurants, and I've had nights out by myself. I guess it's a little joy, but not a ton.
  

So, March, you are upon us already. Hello! And welcome! I need to go back to my yearly goals in order to establish my monthly goals:

• Complete the Vision and Business Plan for Magnolia Montessori For All
• Pull together a Montessori design team to help revise the charter application
• Present at a Texas Montessori conference
• Get business cards designed and printed
• Finish our taxes
• Change our address for everything (including license)
• Completely finish unpacking the house
• Run at least four times a week
  

Although I'm going to take serious strides forward with Montessori For All, the rest of my time is going to be about equilibrium. We need to get the center in order.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Read the book update!

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Twelve Months: Happy Birthday, Henry!

Dearest Henry Jones,

This is the last month of your monthly letters and photographs. After this, we are moving to a yearly schedule. You are growing so fast!

What has this month brought to us?

One of your favorite activities is reading. You love to flip through your board books and make low, gurgling noises as you "read." You also hand us the books over and over to read them to you. You also read a lot when you're sitting on the toilet. It's adorable and melts my heart every time.

You love pulling on fan cords (our new house has a lot of fans). If we ask you where the fan is, you point to it. You are learning to point to things like "mama" and "dad" and "Hoss," although you still aren't trying to verbalize any of those words. You now give kisses on command (big, open-mouth kisses), which is pretty much the sweetest thing ever.

Strangers still refer to you as a "happy baby," and you enjoy going to new places. We've been touring schools, and you love to get down and crawl all around in the new spaces. Even though you aren't walking, you are very comfortable climbing. At one of the schools, you climbed into a chair, grabbed a book, and started reading.

You've started laughing when the people around you are laughing (which, of course, makes us laugh more). You also love to put things around your neck, especially Hoss's dog collar and leash. Hoss is still pretty much your favorite thing ever. You love to pet him and rub your head up against him.

We still go to the park nearly every day, and you love to watch the other kids. You continue to love the slide and the swings.

Our lives are about to change a lot. You start school at the beginning of March. You are so ready! You love being around other kids and exploring new environments. Your dad will take you in the morning, and I'll pick you up in the middle of the day. I imagine you'll want to take a long nap, and then we'll have time together in the late afternoon to go to the park, cook dinner, give you a bath, and read some books before bed.

You definitely make us work hard, dear Henry, but you pay us for that work by being a sweet, sweet boy. Most nights after you go to bed, your dad and I continue to talk about how sweet you are. We reminisce about things you did that day and all the ways you made us smile.

Thank you for making us smile.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Read the behind-the-scenes of Henry's first birthday party.

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Dear Henry: Your First Birthday Party

Dearest Henry,

I know you're not likely to remember your first birthday party, so I wanted to jot down some notes for you about how it went. You had fun! We spent time doing your favorite things: playing in the backyard, hanging out with Hoss, and eating.

We had seven guests: Grafton (who is one month older than you) brought his mom (Leslie), dad (Daniel), and sister (Cassie). We met them at the silent film at Discovery Green when you were a mere four weeks old. They moved to Austin a couple months before we did. Our good friend, Claire, came. We've been friends with her for years. Two of your dad's friends came (my new friends): Myia and Brian.

You wore a shirt that I picked out for your uncle Dustin more than 15 years ago (I was in high school and he was a baby). You started out wearing jeans, but you peed all over those and needed to be changed.

We set up our backyard with music, chili, Bocce Ball (thanks to Kelsey's mom for letting us borrow her set!), and a quilt (although Hoss hogged it for most of the party). You and Grafton had a ton of fun playing with your ball pit. You also enjoyed eating chili at your table. When it was time for cake, we set it on your table just out of reach while we figured out how to light the candle. You reached for the cake and managed to touch it with just one or two fingers. You quickly realized that you liked the taste of the homemade frosting and starting stretching as far as you could. Soon, you were grabbing it by the handful, effectively smearing buttercream all over your sweet face. Hoss quickly joined in on the action, and you were more than willing to share. You stuffed your cheeks with strawberries off the top.


You pretty much smiled for the entire little party. The one exception was when it was time to pull the strings on the homemade pinata. I devised it to open by pulling on a string rather than batting at it. You and I pulled on the string so hard that the whole pinata came down on your head. You cried. Later, when I was picking up the pinata to recycle it, you saw it and started crying again. Hopefully, your pinata trauma will pass soon...

You took a good, long nap after your party and then woke up as happy as could be. You really seemed to have a lot of fun today. You laughed and smiled a lot. Thank you for sharing your joy with us, sweetest one.


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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Enter to win downloadable wedding stationery.

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Henry's First Birthday Party

The birthday party is Saturday. Hooray!

Here's what we need to do to get ready:

• Borrow a crockpot
• Go grocery shopping (I decided at the very last minute to switch from the grilled cheese bar to chili. I think it's more economical.) We're going to make vegetarian chili and white bean chili, as well as spinach-artichoke dip, salad, fruit kabobs, and cake, so we need to get: 2 cans chickpeas, 2 cans black beans, 2 cans corn, 2 cans kidney beans, 2 jars salsa, 3 onions, 2 cans white beans, 1 can of chilies, 1 bag of frozen corn, a bag of tortilla chips, cheddar cheese, sour cream, parmesan cheese, artichoke hearts, cream cheese, spinach, bread bowl (all for spinach-artichoke dip), lettuce, goat cheese, sunflower seeds, dried cranberries, avocado, cake flower, butter, and strawberries.
• Get my hands on a bocce ball set, either by borrowing one or getting it used off craigslist.
• Set up the stereo in the backyard (to play the Elizabeth Mitchell station on Pandora)
• Make favors to thank guests for coming (I'm going to make and freeze the dough earlier in the week and write personalized notes and then put everything together the morning of)
• Make name labels for the glasses
• Hang the birthday bunting
• Take Henry's 12-month photo, get it printed, write his letter on the back, and hang it on a ribbon using these clothespins.
• Think through whether or not to do a candle ceremony.
  

Hopefully the weather will be nice and we can just hang out on picnic blankets in the backyard. The babies can play with Henry's toys/balls/balloons/pinata strings, the adults can play bocce ball, and everyone can enjoy the music, food, and company.

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Make Your Own Baby Board Book

Henry's birthday present arrived in the mail from Pint Size Productions, and, as promised, I'm here to share my thoughts about it. Here's the order they occurred to me:

• Wow, it's here already? Awesome!
• Hmm...the picture quality/texture is not as good as I expected. I thought it would be smooth and shiny like Henry's other board books. Instead, it's slightly raised and dull.
  
• Wow, this gift was the perfect thing to get for Henry. He loves "reading" and it's such a sweet, personalized gift.

We actually gave it to him early (his real birthday is the 28th) because he's sick and we wanted to cheer him up (plus we're impatient and didn't want to wait). And I can honestly say that he does enjoy reading this book. I think it's one of his new favorites (mine, too). He even likes to read it when he's sitting on his toilet. So stinkin' adorable. I can hardly stand it.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: The big DIY pinata reveal!

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Finding Quality Childcare

In my Purposeful Conception class, I recommend that people who are trying to conceive should start thinking about what kind of birth they want to have and who they would like their care provider to be. Once you become pregnant, it can be stressful to "shop around," depending on how the first trimester is affecting your body. Even though it might feel like putting the cart before the horse, I actually think it's a very useful strategy (even if you don't end up getting pregnant for a long time, moving to a new city, or something else). It helps you understand what your options are and helps you start to clarify what you want for yourself. I think staying one step ahead can really help minimize stress (such as learning about how to care for an infant while you're pregnant, instead of waiting until the baby arrives and spending all your time trouble-shooting on Google).

My related recommendation about staying one step ahead has to do with childcare. If you plan to use childcare at any point before your child enters the formal school system, I recommend that you start touring facilities when you're pregnant. First, you might have to get your child on a waiting list sooner rather than later, and secondly, it's a lot easier to do a tour without having to secure a babysitter for your baby (since some places ask for you to leave the baby at home).

I have been having a heck of a time trying to find childcare. At first, I thought I would stay home with Henry for the first three years of his life until he started school in pre-K3 (relying on some kind of informal childcare exchange to free up some time for me to go to meetings for Montessori For All). I put him on a waiting list for a Montessori school in Austin when he was about six weeks-old.

However, once I learned that Montessorians recommend placing children in community around one year-old (and I started a part-time job working for a new charter school in Austin and I started to get stir-crazy at home), I began exploring childcare options. I found a former Montessori teacher who does Montessori in her home (and she lives within walking distance of our rental house!) but she's suddenly full. She might start to be able to fit Henry in two days a week on Tuesday and Wednesday, starting at the beginning of March.

Since I'll need to work 20 hours a week at my part-time job and do my own work for starting Magnolia Montessori For All, I'm going to need more than two days a week. Finding an amazing facility on short-notice is not easy. Seriously, every reputable Montessori daycare I call is full. I found one that had a spot open, but I didn't feel comfortable when we toured there.

At this point, we seem to have only one other option. A new daycare just opened in North Austin, which touts being "eco-friendly" and they mention the word Montessori in their brochure (thanks for sending me the link, Kelly!). Since Henry is going to start real Montessori school this fall, I'm less worried about the Montessori piece (although it still matters to me). The downside of our one remaining option is that it is far from our house in South Austin. However, it is right by my work (although some days I won't be going to that job, I'll be doing stuff for Magnolia Montessori For All).

As Facebook says, "It's complicated."

Anyway, my recommendation is to start touring and getting your name on waiting lists when you're pregnant!

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: A delicious recipe for creamy tomato soup!

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Thoughts on Having a Second Child

For the longest time, my plan was to have only one child. I was an only child for 15 years, and none of the arguments against "onlies" made sense to me. Because I want to live in a close-knit community, I figured that we could fill our son's life with plenty of close, close connections. The benefits of having an only child (not as much work, cheaper, better for reducing population growth) seemed to outweigh the vast drawbacks (hard/hard/hard, refereeing sibling bickering, saving for two college educations, etc.).

And mainly, I wanted to give birth to other things in my life, like a school and a community. I figured I didn't have it in me to mother Hoss, Henry, a school, a community, and another child. When I told one of my close friends that I only wanted to have one child, she said something like, "That makes sense for you. You'll be able to do more good for the world."

But somewhere along the way, my mind started shifting. I started to see growing a family as one of the most significant ways to tap into our humanity. I started brainstorming ways to work around the drawbacks. I figured we could wait five years before having the next one, so I would have time to start the community and school, and Henry would have time to grow more independent (and out of diapers). I started looking at families who had waited several years in between children for inspiration.

Then I started realizing what my friend Sarah has been saying all along. If you have children closer together, you get the hard parts over with faster. My rebuttal was always, "Sure, but you make it so much harder for yourself in the meantime!"

I started thinking about this idea more. In a way, having young children around is very constricting. To meet their needs properly, you have to shift your life to reflect theirs in a lot of ways. If we waited five years to have another child, we would then enlarge that period of intense constriction from three years to six years (or five years to ten years). And then there's adolescence. Instead of going through 5-7 years of tumult, we'd be looking at 10+.

Even more than that, I'm getting my head out of the day-to-day struggle of meeting someone else's every need and understanding the bigger picture of motherhood. It's not about changing diapers and engorged breasts; it's about nurturing and nourishing another being and helping them uncover their unique place in the universe.

Plus, I just turned 34. Of course I could wait five years to have another child (my mother had her second baby when she was 38), but I'd likely be pushing up against the limitations of my fertility, and the risk of genetic issues grows exponentially after 35.

In terms of my career, now might actually be the best time for us to have another baby. If all goes well, my school will open in the fall of 2014. The application is due February 2013 and I wouldn't interview until August. If I got pregnant sooner rather than later, I could work on the application while pregnant (Henry would be going to a half day of Montessori childcare), finish the application by December, have the baby, and not have to interview until the baby was six or seven months-old. Then I would have to start working to get the school started when the baby was around eleven months-old and could start part-time in Montessori childcare. The second baby would basically have the same solid foundation that I've been able to give Henry.

As I type all of this, I am fully admitting to myself (and reminding myself rather vociferously) that you can't plan when or if you have a baby. I know that. I really do. I can only focus my energy on the things I can control, such as tracking my cycle, getting my body ready for conception, and deciding to try.

I also realize that Matt's perspective has been absent from this discussion. I promise you it's not! It's something that Matt and I talk about a lot. He comes from a family of three, but he knew I might only want one child when he married me. When Henry came (and was hard/hard/hard), he agreed that one was fine. And then we started talking about maybe having two--later on down the line. We've just started the conversation about whether we really want to try for two and when the best time would be.

In a very short span of time, I've gone from, "Definitely only one child" to "Perhaps we could have a second." Suddenly, I'm getting to the point where I think I do want two, and I'd like to start trying for the second one soon. Craziness. I would want to provide the second baby with the same solid foundation that I provided for Henry. Just in case we start trying soon, I've recommitted to taking my prenatal vitamins religiously, strengthening my body with this 20-minute DVD (you can download a single level for $1.99), drinking at least two water bottles of water every day, taking a hard look at my life to see how I could make more space for pregnancy, and de-stressing every night before bed.

We'll see what happens. Matt and I might decide that now doesn't make sense. I just wanted to keep you updated in case we do decide to start trying.

Have any of you read anything about different approaches to spacing out children? If so, please share! I enjoyed reading this article about the pros and cons of various spacings.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Plans for the Gourmet Grilled Cheese Bar at Henry's birthday party on Saturday.

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