Things I Need to Work on as a Parent

This transcript of a Janet Lansbury podcast resonated deeply with me about the importance of not disciplining with shame. 

It's been a hard five years for my parenting. Trying to launch a non-profit organization with a newborn and a two year-old stretched me in ways that made me unrecognizable to myself at times. There were so many compounding factors: Henry's struggle with self-regulation due to an MTHFR genetic mutation, unfathomable levels of work stress, my own sense of struggle and failure in my work. 

I've been too quick to get frustrated with my children's behavior. Here are the lines that resonated with me the most:

He’s in a defensive mode. He feels attacked. He feels judged. He feels misunderstood. And he probably has some shame inside, because that’s the result of feeling blamed and not understood.

.... 

Do this with confident momentum. Do this with acceptance of him, being on his side and being protective, caring about him, not angry with him.

.... 

This also comes from understanding that children don’t want to be doing this. They don’t want to be the bad kid doing bad things. We need to help save him from himself and not let him go there. And shaming him out of it will not work. It just creates more discomfort and, therefore, more uncomfortable behavior.

.... 

And then from his mom, she says she admits she loses her cool and she doesn’t respond with love and empathy. So those are the messages he’s gotten, You’re bad. There’s something wrong with you. I don’t like the way you’re behaving, slam the door.
We foster empathy by modeling and having empathy. That’s the simple answer to all of this, not necessarily a lot of empathy in those moments but having an overall view guided by empathy, by wanting to understand, wanting to relate to, be close to, open up to. 

This article gives me a clear sense of the kind of parent I want to be. I want to have high expectations and boundaries, but I really do want it to feel like it comes from being on their side. And I want mistakes to be expected and normal and to feel like genuine learning opportunities, not moments of shame.

Toward that end, I have to give myself grace for the five years. I did the best that I was capable of, and now I can do better. That's all we can ask of ourselves.

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Family Goals

We are more than halfway through the year!

We are doing well on our Family Goals for the year. We have already met our volunteering goals (but we will continue to volunteer throughout the rest of the year) and our goal for playing tennis. We are on track for our family vacations.

We haven't been going on day trips, so I advocated hard for one on Labor Day. We headed to San Antonio for a snack picnic at the free Japanese Tea Garden and soccer at Confluence Park. A good time was had by all--even the people who were more reluctant to go!

I'm really bad at the goal to see two performances per year. I'm not someone who gravitates toward performances for fun, but I do enjoy them when we go. I'm debating whether we should blow our entertainment budget for the month on this performance or take a trip to Wimberley for this performance, which is half the price. I'm leaning toward the latter as we tighten up our budget belt (and we could also cross off another day trip goal!).

I still need to get another camping trip scheduled.

Even though this sounds like a lot, our life actually doesn't feel too busy or over-scheduled. I'm paying close attention, since the Fall season starts to get crazy!

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Foot Massages for Kids

Henry and I have started a little foot massage ritual with each other. Usually I give him foot massages before bed (it's the one time he truly relaxes!), but he has also started offering foot massages as a bet. For example, he bet me a foot massage that he could jump onto the raft without falling into the pool. He lost. I got a foot massage! 

I wanted to share the cream we use. I've used it for more than 15 years, ever since I took a massage class while I was living in rural Louisiana and they recommended it. Here's the magic cream! It glides really nicely and easily. 

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Parenting in the Middle: Not Too Strict, Not Too Lenient

Our society has a tendency to function like a pendulum that swings from one far end to the other. We've seen this happen in schools (we've swing from phonics all the way to whole-reading or we swing from progressive, open-classrooms to "drill and kill."). My work at Montessori For All is about  trying to stop the pendulum in the middle. There are things we need from both sides. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about how the pendulum concept applies to parenting. Past historical periods have seen harsher forms of parenting (like the idea of children being seen but not heard), while now it feels like we are on the way other side of becoming too permissive with our children. 

The framework that has been really helpful to me in thinking about this is Diane Baumrind's theory of the three types of parenting (excerpted below from Wikipedia):

Baumrind believed that parents should be neither punitive nor aloof. Rather, they should develop rules for their children and be affectionate with them, as an authoritative parent. 

Authoritative Parenting 

The parent is demanding and responsive. Authoritative parenting is characterized by a child-centered approach that holds high expectations of maturity. Authoritative parents can understand how their children are feeling and teach them how to regulate their feelings. Even with high expectations of maturity, authoritative parents are usually forgiving of any possible shortcomings. They often help their children to find appropriate outlets to solve problems. Authoritative parents encourage children to be independent but still place limits on their actions. Extensive verbal give-and-take is not refused, and parents try to be warm and nurturing toward the child. Authoritative parents are not usually as controlling as authoritarian parents, allowing the child to explore more freely, thus having them make their own decisions based upon their own reasoning. Often, authoritative parents produce children who are more independent and self-reliant. An authoritative parenting style mainly results when there is high parental responsiveness and high parental demands. 

Authoritative parents will set clear standards for their children, monitor the limits that they set, and also allow children to develop autonomy. They also expect mature, independent, and age-appropriate behavior of children. Punishments for misbehavior are measured and consistent, not arbitrary or violent. Often behaviors are not punished but the natural consequences of the child's actions are explored and discussed--allowing the child to see that the behavior is inappropriate and not to be repeated, rather than not repeated to merely avoid adverse consequences. Authoritative parents set limits and demand maturity. When punishing a child, the parent will explain his or her motive for their punishment. Children are more likely to respond to authoritative parenting punishment because it is reasonable and fair. A child knows why they are being punished because an authoritative parent makes the reasons known. As a result, children of authoritative parents are more likely to be successful, well liked by those around them, generous and capable of self-determination.

Authoritarian Parenting 

The parent is demanding but not responsive.

Authoritarian parenting is a restrictive, punishment-heavy parenting style in which parents make their children follow their directions with little to no explanation or feedback and focus on the child's and family's perception and status. Corporal punishment, such as spanking, and shouting are forms of discipline frequently preferred by authoritarian parents. The goal of this style, at least when well-intentioned, is to teach the child to behave, survive, and thrive as an adult in a harsh and unforgiving society by preparing the child for negative responses such as anger and aggression that the child will face if his/her behavior is inappropriate. In addition, advocates of this style often believe that the shock of aggression from someone from the outside world will be less for a child accustomed to enduring both acute and chronic stress imposed by parents.

Authoritarian parenting has distinctive effects on children: 

• Children raised using this type of parenting may have less social competence because the parent generally tells the child what to do instead of allowing the child to choose by him or herself, making the child appear to excel in the short term but limiting development in ways that are increasingly revealed as supervision and opportunities for direct parental control decline. 

• Children raised by authoritarian parents tend to be conformist, highly obedient, quiet, and not very happy.^[33] These children often suffer from depression and self-blame.^[33]

Permissive Parenting 

The parent is responsive but not demanding.

Indulgent parenting, also called permissive, non-directive, lenient or libertarian, is characterized as having few behavioral expectations for the child. "Indulgent parenting is a style of parenting in which parents are very involved with their children but place few demands or controls on them". Parents are nurturing and accepting, and are responsive to the child's needs and wishes. Indulgent parents do not require children to regulate themselves or behave appropriately. As adults, children of indulgent parents will pay less attention to avoiding behaviors which cause aggression in others. 

Permissive parents try to be "friends" with their child, and do not play a parental role. The expectations of the child are very low, and there is little discipline. Permissive parents also allow children to make their own decisions, giving them advice as a friend would. This type of parenting is very lax, with few punishments or rules. Permissive parents also tend to give their children whatever they want and hope that they are appreciated for their accommodating style. Other permissive parents compensate for what they missed as children, and as a result give their children both the freedom and materials that they lacked in their childhood. Baumrind's research on pre-school children with permissive parents found that the children were immature, lacked impulsive control and were irresponsible.

Children of permissive parents may tend to be more impulsive and as adolescents may engage more in misconduct such as drug use. Children never learn to control their own behavior and always expect to get their way. But in the better cases they are emotionally secure, independent and are willing to learn and accept defeat. They mature quickly and are able to live life without the help of someone else.

I've been seeking concrete resources on Authoritative Parenting, and I finally found these books:

• A chapter focused on the specific styles (with more concrete examples)
• 1-2-3 Magic! 

I'm eager to read more about it! 

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Have a Great Spring Break!

For the past couple months, I've been dreading Spring Break. Normally, we go on vacation together as a family, which I love. This year, however, Matt got offered a position as a photographer for SXSW. Of course I had to say yes to my taking on more child care, so that he could pursue his passion. He has done so much for my career these past seven years. Of course I can do whatever he needs me to do. I owe him a ton! 

But I was bummed about it. Not only were we losing our family vacation, I was going to be saddled with lots and lots of solo parenting. 

I am not a big fan of solo parenting. I love, love, love my children, but I am happiest when we are all together as a family. Small doses of alone time with them are fun and cozy; but large and repeated chunks of time? Not so much. 

I finally stopped feeling sorry for myself and decided to see what I could do to set myself up to enjoy that time. I thought about just jumping in the car and taking the boys on a road trip adventure to see friends in Colorado or family in Florida. I thought about taking them camping. 

When I really dug into it, I realized that with a little rearranging, it could actually turn into a pretty fun Spring Break. The trick was giving myself full permission to take my alone time whenever Matt was able to be with the boys. The other trick was to fill up my days with activities that I could look forward to. I found a cool, free SXSW event for families. I also sent out a Doodle poll to some of our friends to see who wanted to get together for play dates, so we now have something different scheduled for every day. Other friends are heading to Wimberly for a couple days, so the boys and I will join them for that (Matt will commute back and forth). 

I also realized that Matt was planning to take a couple days off of work to give me entire days of free time. Instead, I had him move those days to a different week so we could have a consolidated chunk of time together to actually take a quick trip to the Texas Coast. 

So now I'm excited about Spring Break! 

See you on the flip side....

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Video Recap: Year in Review

On the cusp of March, I just realized that I forgot to share our Year in Review videos! Matt tries to make one every year. I love them because seeing our children in action as younger versions of themselves helps me remember them better. I find that each successive age replaces my memories of their younger selves. It's hard for me to remember what three year-old Henry was like!

• 2017 Part One
• 2017 Part Two
• 2016
• 2015
• 2014

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Family Traditions

Oh, my. I am so in love with our new Valentine's tradition. Here's where we landed:

On Valentine's Day, we wake up early and make waffles for breakfast. We set up the waffle maker on the table with an extension cord, so we can make them while we are eating them. Each time one comes out, we split it into fourths so we each get a piece. This year, we also made our own whipped cream. It's so easy, fun, and tasty! 

During breakfast, we make a list of what we want to do to celebrate our "Family Day of Love" in the evening. This year, our list included:

• Movie night (Henry's idea)
• Eating candy (Henry)
• Children's museum (my idea)
• Drinking hot chocolate (Henry)
• Game night (Henry)
• Night walk (Tate's idea)
• Camping in the backyard (Tate)
• Ice cream at Lick (mine)

We each got three votes, so we could narrow down the choices. We then voted between movie night and game night. It was a unanimous win for game night! 

After school, we drove to Target to pick up two of my favorite games from when I was a child: Operation and Hungry, Hungry Hippo. 

We ordered pizza and played games on our back deck. 

Then we filled in a love note template that I made. We each drew a name of one family member and filled it out for that person. My hope is that we do one every year. 

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Valentine's Traditions

My sweet almost 7 year-old loves traditions and rituals even more than I do. He cracks me up. 

He's requesting some kind of tradition for Valentine's Day. Once we start something, he will never, ever forget it. So I feel some pressure to get it right the first year. 

The hard thing is that Valentine's Day is so close to my birthday and his birthday, so I don't want to do anything that overlaps with our birthday traditions. Henry suggested that we write love letters to each other, but I'll already be writing Henry a letter on his birthday. It might be fun to get a cake on Valentine's Day, but we already do that for our birthdays. 

His friends wake up to baskets of candy. I have no desire to put something like that together every year! Presence, not presents. 

Maybe a scavenger hunt that includes all the reasons I love them? 

Pizza and a movie on a school night? 

Pancakes for breakfast on a school morning? 

Maybe we make brownies and Valentine's cards for the neighbors? 

We could make Valentine's treats and deliver them to a nursing home? 

Maybe fill out a little template about each other, similar to this book?

Here's a sweet idea for a whole day of intenseness--too much for me! 

All right. I think we will have a Family Love Day: wake up early for waffles/pancakes, fill out an appreciation template about one person, brainstorm ideas about what to do when we get home from school (e.g., movie night, game night, making treats for neighbors, going to the children's museum, etc.). We will bookend the day with family time--talking about about we love about each other and spending time together. That sounds right! 

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Simple Children's Birthdays

I am counting my lucky stars that we are still in a place where we can celebrate our children's birthdays in a simple way. 

Despite the fact that we have been to lots of birthdays at jump houses and gymnastics places, Henry is still okay with the idea of having a birthday party at a park or our house. I gave those two options to him, and he said, "Our house, of course." 

So there you have it! It will be a simple celebration planned by Henry. So far he has decided: 

• Vegetable tray (this kid seriously cracks me up)
• Gluten-free chocolate cake with mint icing and chocolate chips in the shape of a 7
• Tater tots
• A candy bar
• Piñata
• Pizza
• Chicken nuggets
• Fruit
• Streamers
• Balloons
• Baby pictures
• Goodie bags with erasers, pencils, notepads, and a bouncy ball

Sounds good to me! 

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Camping!

So, camping. I think it was mainly positive! (I'm still working through the calculations in my mind.)

We squeezed this trip into an already-crowded weekend because I wanted to be able to check off our camping goal for 2017. I got home from the Magnolia Makers Market around 2:45pm and then wanted to help Henry process everything. We put away everything, and then we used these manipulative to calculate how much of his money should go to college, his future car, the Elephant Sanctuary, and then to his own wallet. Then he wrote a letter to the Elephant Sanctuary. Next I had to respond to some emergency things related to work. Then we had to move everything into the car, drive to a friend's house to borrow an extra tent and some sleeping pads, stop by Whole Foods to look for gluten-free crescent rolls one last time to make this campfire recipe, and then head to Lake Tejas. 

The boys were so ridiculously excited that it made my heart swell. Tate was talking a mile-a-minute the whole way there. 

We got there right as the sun was setting and had to set up the tent, cook hot dogs, cook S'mores, and go for a hike all in the dark. 

We all went to bed at 8pm, but I woke up at 11pm with some anxiety related to work and couldn't go back to sleep. The dog also woke up (which woke up Matt) so we ended up talking for a while, which was nice. 

The rest of the night was a blur, mainly with the dog waking up multiple times and then Tate waking up. Tate woke up way too early in the morning, and I kept telling him that he needed to rest quietly or I was going to have to take him back home. He kept pushing it, so I finally followed-through on my word and drove him the 45 minutes home. Back at home, I showered and wrote 1.5 blog posts. Then we loaded back into the car and drove the 45 minutes back to pick up Henry, Matt, and Hoss. 

So it wasn't great, but it was still really sweet. It made me think Tate just isn't old enough for us to enjoy camping, and I was about ready to strike camping off our goals for this year, but then Matt had a hybrid idea: we can all head to a camping site (there's a cool one less than 30 minutes away), set up, spend the afternoon and evening in camping mode, and then Matt takes Tate home to sleep? Then they come back in the morning. It seemed like a good way to help Henry enjoy camping at an age when he's really ready for it and to make the experience more enjoyable all around!

We'll probably try the real way one more time, but use this alternate strategy if it still goes badly! 

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Family Goals: 2018

I recently finished reading a book about the epidemic of over-parenting, and one of the things I'm majorly guilty of is approaching parenting like a project. 

I definitely don't want to over-parent. I believe in its ill effects. I am constantly trying to find the line between being intentional and thoughtful with this one life I have and approaching parenting like a project that negatively impacts my children. It's hard for me! 

So please chime in with your sincere feedback any time on any post! I mean it. I only ask that you say it with a kind tone (but the actual feedback can be straight to the point). 

But I digress...

In the spirit of being intentional with my one chance at parenthood, my family and I came up with our goals for 2018. There's lots of overlap from last year and a few goals are making appearances from previous years (you can find all of our goals here).

Henry wanted to increase our volunteer activities from two to three. Tate is worried about how we are going to plant 100 trees. 

I'm excited about these goals. They embody the kind of family we want to be: one that spends a lot of quality time together--experiencing new things, making the world better, and connecting with nature.

For updates in between blog posts, check out Instagram! 

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Family Goals

A new year is almost upon us! 

My wheels are turning about our family goals. I made my family brainstorm some ideas with me when we were held hostage in our car for a 20-hour trip back from Florida for Thanksgiving. 

Our template holds 9 goals, so that's my target (#lazygirl).

Here's what we have on the list so far:

1. Save up money for a hot tub (um, after we eradicate our credit card debt). 
2. Start an Austin chapter of Navigators. 
3. Go on at least four day road trips.
4. Host at least 10 Saturday Suppers. 
5. Visit at least 12 Austin parks.
6. Go on at least 5 hikes. 
7. Go mountain biking as a family at least once. 
8. Plan tennis at least 6 times. 
9. Volunteer as a family at least 3 times. 
10. Plant 100 trees. 
11. Learn to pay the ukulele.
12. Go on at least 3 awesome vacations. 

For updates in between blog posts, check out Instagram! 

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JOIN US!: Registration is currently open for the next Purposeful Conception Course: Preparing Your Mind, Body, and Life for Pregnancy, which starts on January 8! Register now! We'd love to have you join us!

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Cultivating Entrepreneurs for Change

Henry and I had such a fun experience preparing for and participating in the Magnolia Makers Market!

I'm conscious of helicopter-parenting and over-parenting, so I tried to let him lead the process as much as possible (which is hard for me because I am naturally controlling and perfectionistic!). 

The main thing I did was collect kids craft ideas in Pinterest. Then I let him browse that page to pick out what he wanted to do. He selected painted wooden keychains. 

He then made a list of everything we would need to get for the project (including all the math associated with doubling things and figuring out how many we would need to make 100), and I drove him to Hobby Lobby to pick out his supplies. There was a lot more math involved with figuring out how many packs of each things we would need and comparing prices based on the cost of individual units. 

We wanted to keep the cost as low as possible to maximize Henry's profits, so we pulled up Amazon while we were shopping and did decide to order some of our items from there. 

Once everything arrived, we got started. Henry agreed he would pay me $5 for my help, in addition to repaying me for all the supplies I bought.

We strung the wooden beads on pipe cleaners and used sponge brushes to paint them. We hooked the pipe cleaners on a hanger so we could hang them to dry. 

Henry was able to do every step of the process independently: he could use the ruler to cut the suede to the right size. He could tie the suede onto the key ring. He could string all the beads and tie the suede at the end. 

We took turns checking each other's work, "Did I miss a spot on my painting?" He would honestly find spots that I missed, just as I would find spots that he missed.

It quickly became clear that we wouldn't have the stamina to complete 100 key chains, so we started working on them in batches. We would paint 10 beads and then make 10 key chains. I didn't want us to get the end and have all the beads painted but no key chains finalized. 

In the end, we made 50 key chains. Early on, we figured out how many key chains Henry would have to sell at $3 each in order to pay me back (i.e., 16). Once we got past 16, he was very motivated to make more and more. 

Henry then drafted his sign on paper, and then transferred his final draft to a posterboard. We walked around the house and brainstormed how to decorate the table. 

On our final night, Henry made a list of key chain prices for himself (1 = $3, 2 = $6, 3 = $9, etc.) and we practiced making change and saying, "Thank you! Have a great day!" We also practiced what to say if someone said, "Keep the change." ("Are you sure?" Thank you so much!). 

Henry also decided which non-profit he wanted to donate a portion of his proceeds to. He already knew that he wanted it to relate to elephants, so we did some internet research and landed on the Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee. 

The day of the sale, Henry helped load everything into the car, and helped set up his booth at the event. He sat at his booth for nearly 3 hours straight! Early on, he said, "I want to do this again next year!" I said, "Awesome! But I'll ask you again at the end of the day to see if your answer is the same." And fortunately it was. 

It was so inspiring to be around so many creative, crafty, and caring children! I definitely look forward to doing it again next year.

The key it all was having enough time for the process. We worked on this for about a month, which meant that we could slow everything down to Henry's pace. There were times when he only wanted to paint for five minutes, which meant that we had to put everything away and wash all the paint (which then led to a big mess and then led to a long clean-up process). But it was what it was. We finally got into a rhythm of working at night after Tate had gone to bed. Henry said, "It's a lot easier to work and stay focused when Tate's not distracting me by playing!"

For updates in between blog posts, check out Instagram! 

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JOIN US!: Registration is currently open for the next Purposeful Conception Course: Preparing Your Mind, Body, and Life for Pregnancy, which starts on January 8! Register now! We'd love to have you join us!

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A One Gift Christmas

Shhh...please don't tell my children that a lot of people get a lot of presents for Christmas. We're trying the pick-your-very-favorite-thing-and-you-can-have-it strategy. 

For months leading up the Christmas, when the boys ask for things, we say, "Let's add it to your Christmas list!" As it gets closer, we ask them to settle on their very top gift. And then we get it for them. 

I'd like to think it's really cool to be able to name your favorite thing and guarantee that you could have it? I honestly have no idea. We're just trying our best as parents! 

This year, Henry wants a pocket knife so he can whittle. We are bundling it with this wood and this book. Tate wants a remote-controlled boat. 

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Traveling with Kids: San Francisco

One of the things that makes me anxious (there are many!) is thinking about how quickly my children are going to grow up. I'm friends with many of my former students and/or their families on Facebook, so I have watched children go from 3rd grade to high school in the blink of an eye. 

When Matt and I are falling asleep together and trying to talk about things that don't induce anxiety (no Trump talk!), I'll ask him questions like, "What can we do to make sure we truly savor this time with our children?" 

One of our answers is family vacations. During our most recent Fall Break, I had to participate on an education panel in San Francisco, so we turned it into a family trip. 

Oh, how we love California! 

Here's how we spent our days:

Day One (Sunday): 

We always try to give ourselves at least one normal weekend day before going on a trip so we can get everything done without feeling stressed. On Sunday we woke up at our normal time and headed to the airport. (As I've mentioned before, we are now traveling with these booster seats, which makes traveling a lot easier.)

One we arrived, we headed straight to Oakland to reconnect with friends. Our first stop was to visit some friends (who also happen to be awesome musical artists). We walked from their apartment to an Ethiopian restaurant. So fun to be in such a walkable city! (When my memory wants to cling to all the positive parts, I will start to forget that Tate was totally stressful in the restaurant. Gotta love 4 year-olds!)

Then we headed to Berkeley to reconnect with another set of friends at Adventure Playground. So much fun! 

Then it was on to Stinson Beach where we stayed in a small cottage near the beach through AirBnB. 

That was the night the wildfires started. There was such intense wind, and we would smell the burning of trees. We didn't learn what was happening until the morning. 

Day Two (Monday): 

We drove down the hill into town for breakfast and to hang out at the beach. The boys are such beach creatures, even when the water is downright frigid. 

We then drove into Mill Valley (which I think is one of the most beautiful towns in America--except that it isn't very diverse) for lunch and a quick stop at one of the most beautiful playgrounds in America (which is nestled in some redwoods). Henry was thinking about the song "This Land is Your Land" and kept asking, "Is this the Redwood Forest?")

Then it was back to Stinson Beach to meet up with some friends from the city. We hung out on the beach and then headed to an amazing little restaurant right on the beach.

Day Three (Tuesday): 

Matt went for a long run, so I took the boys down to breakfast alone. Even though we sat at a large booth, they both cozied right up next to me. It's an adorable memory I'm going to hold close to me (and let it overshadow those other memories of my children being pull-your-hair-out frustrating!).

We then headed to the beach again. The boys managed to find disregarded beach toys to play with and they occupied themselves for a long time while I read and talked on the phone with my mom. 

That afternoon we headed back into Mill Valley to grab a picnic lunch from Whole Foods, and we ate beneath the redwoods back at our favorite park. 

We then made our way to Palo Alto for my education conference, and we ate at Stanford University in the dining hall. 

Day Four (Wednesday): 

On this day the boys went out for an adventure on their own (visiting a friend who works at the Opera House and connecting with friends at an amazing park in the Bay Area!).

Day Five (Thursday):

Matt went for another long run while the boys and I went back to Stanford University for breakfast in the dining hall. Then we drove back to the city for a touristy trip to Alcatraz (luckily my tendency to plan things in advance was more helpful than annoying and I purchased tickets for us in advance since they sell out so quickly). 

After lunch, we grabbed arepas at Pica Pica and ate them at the Mission Dolores Park. When we travel, I always bring a sheet to use as a picnic blanket and a deck of cards so Matt and I can play gin rummy while the boys play. 

That evening we reconnected with old friends for some Indian food. 

Day Six (Friday): 

We walked with our friends to breakfast and then headed to Pacifica to see their new office/house. We played at the beach again (the boys cannot get enough!), ate at a tiny taqueria, and then Henry requested to see a tide pool. Luckily, we were literally in the middle of low tide according to the internet, so we headed to the Fitzgerald Marine Reserve where we were able to see sea anemones and hermit crabs. 

After that, we headed back to the airport for a 5 o'clock flight. 

This was the first trip where Matt and I made a concerted effort to ask ourselves, "Who do we know in the city that we should try to spend time with?" It was so fun to see the city through our friends' eyes, and it was so fun to spend time with good people. With good friends, you can skip right over all the small talk and get straight to the meat of life. My conversations went from talking about how to dismantle white supremacy to how to start your own life coaching business. 

And as our children get older, these trips get more and more fun. We get to spend such concentrated amounts of time together. I love just soaking those boys in (and letting my mind erase all the hard parts)!

For updates in between blog posts, check out Instagram! 

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JOIN US!: Registration is currently open for the next Purposeful Conception Course: Preparing Your Mind, Body, and Life for Pregnancy, which starts on January 8! Register now! We'd love to have you join us!

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Math Games for a 1st Grader

I'm eager to make sure that Henry (1st grade) builds a really strong foundation for math fluency while he's young. I feel like I memorized math rather than build a really deep, conceptual understanding of it. The Montessori math he does at school is WONDERFUL, but I also want to support him at home. 

I saw this game pack featured on Kickstarter and went ahead and purchased it. It finally arrived! So far, we are having fun playing the math games. They mainly build number sense and fluency.

For updates in between blog posts, check out Instagram! 

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Alternatives to Scouting?

After I graduated from college with a degree in American Studies with minors in English and Women & Gender Studies, one of my ideas for a career was to reimagine scouting to be more inclusive of all genders and sexualities. 

Now that I have children, I'm looking for that kind of option! I've been doing research about alternative organizations. 

Do any of you have any leads or experiences with inclusive scouting?

For updates in between blog posts, check out Instagram! 

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The Park Project

The boys and I are on a quest to visit every park in Austin. We purchased a real map, and we circle every park we visit. Sometimes we'll be out and about and we'll have some extra time, so I'll google the nearest park. Other times, we will intentionally bring out the map, look at it, and decide where to go. One day the boys decided they wanted to visit the "biggest park in Austin," so they selected Emma Long Metropolitan Park. It even has a beach! (The picture I have doesn't show the beach part.) It's such a sweet little ritual/tradition in our family. Living with children is so fun! 

For updates in between blog posts, check out Instagram! 

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Family Meeting Idea

I started reading The Secrets of Happy Families. So far I'm enjoying it! 

One of the first ideas is about a weekly family meeting. The idea is really simple and common (it also comes up in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families). The family gets together and discusses a set of things, such as: 

1. What things went welling our family this week?
2. What things could we improve in our family?
3. What things will you commit to working on this week? 

I don't think we are quite ready for this weekly ritual yet, although I love the idea of it. Tate is only four right now. I think these kinds of reflective and self-aware exercises work better as children turn from five to six. 

I think it would be fun to pair it with another ritual like pancakes for dinner or a pizza night.

For updates in between blog posts, find me on Instagram! 

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Ideas for Holiday Gifts: 4 and 6 Year-Old Children

The holidays feel like they are upon us (despite the fact that we are still swimming all the time)! 

For Christmas and birthdays, our families typically like to have a list of things that the boys might be interested in. I thought I would share our list in case anyone else is looking for ideas for their own children! 

6 year-old

• Flag football set: This one is actually so the whole family can play together when we gather at the beach for Thanksgiving with my family in Florida.
• Charades for kids: Looks like a fun family game! 
• Sit scooter: Remember those things we used to sit on and roll all over the gym floor during P.E.? So fun! 
• The Curious Kids Science Book
• Break Open Geodes and Crystals
• Crystal Growing Experiments
• Science Kit
• Make Your Own Wooden Toys

4 year-old

• Build a Roman Arch
• Paint Spinning Art
• PlayMobil Helicopter
• Bruder Tractor
• Bruder Cargo Truck
• Sit scooter
• Make Your Own Wooden Toys
• Hair Stylist Costume

For updates in between blog posts, find me on Instagram! 

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