Checklist for Preparing Our Relationship for Pregnancy

A kindred spirit left a thought-provoking comment on this post last week. I realized that Matt and I need to write "An Action Plan for Maintaining Our Marriage Through the Difficult Years of Raising a Child."

But before we do that, I feel like we need a "Checklist for Preparing Our Relationship for Pregnancy."

Hmm...this is a daunting task!

Let me take a stab at it...

1. Equally distribute household responsibilities: Matt and I are doing well with this one. Because we both work full-time, we pretty much divide chores evenly. We made a list of everything that has to get done on a weekly basis and split it into two lists. One week someone will clean the kitchen, take out the compost, wipe down all the table surfaces, and clean slobber off our windows. The other person will clean the entire bathroom, shake out the rugs, and vacuum. The next week, we swap tasks. Then we each have our list of weekly chores that remain constant. I empty the dishwasher, do the laundry, coordinate our finances, and run Hoss four times a week. Matt does the yard work, runs Hoss two times a week, checks on the chickens daily, and cleans out the coop once a week. Once a month, someone will wipe off the baseboards, dust the office and bedroom, and wipe out the fridge. The other person will wash the rugs, dust the living and dining room, and sweep the front porch. The next month we switch. This kind of system works really well for us because neither of us gets resentful or bitter about the fact that the other person is doing more.
   
2. Fight in constructive rather than destructive ways: We need to continue to work on this one. Matt and I fight about a variety of things, but we try to use different strategies to attempt to turn our fights into problem-solving conversations rather than assaults. If we're both tired, for example, we try to stop the fight and say, "Let's come back to this when we're not so emotional." We will also occasionally repeat back what the other person is saying to ensure that we are really listening and understanding.
3. Agree on an approach to money: This is one of our strongest ones. Matt and I combined our finances a few months before we got married. Then we sat down together and created a monthly savings plan. We asked ourselves: How much can we set aside each month for: a mortgage? a baby? retirement? a car? home repairs? eating out? groceries? vacation? Then we set up automatic transfers each month, so our savings accumulate without much thought. We try to keep ourselves on a very specific budget for expenses related to joint entertainment, eating out, groceries, and dog care. We also give ourselves $70 each every month to spend however we want. Of course we still get in disagreements occasionally about what should be considered a joint expense versus an individual expense (mainly because I'm stingy and Matt is generous), but our system works pretty well for us.
4. Make time for each other: With my penchant for taking on more projects than I can handle and Matt's addiction to running, it can be hard to find time for each other sometimes. We try to be home to cook dinner together or eat out by 6:30 every night, and we try to plan fun things on the weekends.
   
5. Figure out an intimacy frequency that works for both of us: Matt wants sex more than I do, so we constantly talk about how to help him feel satiated without making me feel obligated. It's definitely something we're still working on.
6. Make time to cultivate our selves outside of our marriage: We try to encourage each other to spend time with friends and colleagues without being joined at the hip.There are times when it makes sense to compromise our own tastes, interests, and preferences in order to spend time together, but other times we should maintain our personal authenticity and do what we want to do.
   
7. Show appreciation: It can be easy to fall into a pattern of taking each other for granted. Matt and I try to verbalize our appreciation for each other (for both big and small things) on a daily basis.
8. Support each other to undertake healthy habits: Mustering enough willpower to live the kind of healthy lives we want to lead can be difficult. It helps to encourage and support each other (not in nagging ways!).
   
9. Delineate the dreams we have beyond the baby: We need to make sure that the baby doesn't become our everything. We need to make a space for our other dreams.
   
10. Create an action plan for maintaining our marriage through the difficult years of raising a child: That's the next checklist!

It might be cool to show this list to Matt and have each of us rank the items in order from what we consider to be our strongest areas and our areas that are in need of most growth. Then we can compare lists and engage in a really good conversation.

Before I do that, do you have any suggestions about how this checklist should be revised?

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The Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth

Matt and I started watching Pregnant in America last night. I'm not a huge fan of the movie (I much prefer The Business of Being Born). However, I do agree with the concepts. I love analyzing the ways in which profit-making affects what becomes culturally acceptable in our society (obviously, this relates to weddings, too!).

As much as I'm leaning toward the birthing center or home birth option because I don't think it's necessary to pathologize or overly medicalize the birthing experience, I do want to get my hands on unbiased information that compares home birth to hospital birth. I know home birth advocates argue that it's safer, but I'm sure the other side argues the same thing about the hospital option. I don't want propaganda from either side; I just want legitimate, sound data!

Can any of you point me in the right direction?

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Breakfast Options

I'm getting ready to make my first green smoothie (in my regular ol' junky blender). I'm just waiting for the pears to ripen, so I can make rainbow chard + pears + water + ice smoothie. One of my student's moms said that was a good combination to start with. I'm excited. I can't, for the life of me, ever remember eating rainbow chard (and I didn't realize it was pronounced with an "sh" rather than the common "ch" sound). I guess that's what happens when you grow up in a pork chop + ice burg lettuce salad + mashed potatoes kind of family (no offense, Mom).

In the meantime, I've been eating a shredded wheat cereal + bananas for breakfast every day. I find that eating a lot of fiber for breakfast really helps keep my system regular. The cereal is Barbara's Bakery Shredded Wheat. I love it because this is the ingredient list:

1. 100% Whole Wheat

That's it. Seriously. I know that health benefits of eating wheat are debatable, but my body really does well with fiber in that form. And it has zero grams of sugar (which is why I try to get a small piece of banana in every bite).

I'm looking forward to making the switch to green smoothies for breakfast sometime soon, but in the meantime, this cereal is super-easy and satisfying.

What are you eating for breakfast these days?

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More Chatter About Ovulation (or Lack Thereof)

I'm happy to report that the length of my cycle went down last month (perhaps thanks to my stress-reduction efforts?). This year, it's gone from 43 days, to 35 days, to 33 days.

I'm still worried about my potential lack of ovulation. I peed on sticks every day last cycle and this cycle, but I never get a very dark line. The line does change in darkness, but it never gets darker than the control line. I also haven't noticed a temperature shift yet (although I track this more unreliably). I do notice changes in cervical fluid. This month, for example, I had one day of "egg-white" fluid.

I'm going to give myself more time to de-stress before I worry about it too much. My summer vacation is coming (hooray for being a teacher!), which means I will experience a lot of stress in May and then little-to-no stress for 2.5 months. At some point, I'll probably start going to an acupuncturist for more stress relief and hopefully to help regulate my cycle. I need to dig a little deeper into my insurance plan to see if I can find an acupuncturist who is covered by my insurance...

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Dry Cleaning (or Lack Thereof)

I have a confession to make. I don't take a single thing to the dry cleaners. I just can't bring myself to do it! a) It's expensive. b) I can't even begin to imagine what kind of chemicals go into the process. c) I barely have time to exercise, yet alone swing by a dry cleaners.

So, in general, I try to avoid those dreaded "dry clean only" labels (yes, it is hard for me to shop for professional clothing).

However, when I do by something that is supposedly "dry clean only" I usually end up putting it through the wash on cold using the gentle cycle (and air drying). That's what I did with my new favorite professional pants from Banana Republic. These pants seriously feel like yoga pants. I don't even want to take them off when I come home. The good news is they made it through the washing machine! (Granted, they may get worn out more quickly because I'm bucking the system, but we'll see...). They shrunk a bit in terms of length and fullness, but I can definitely live with the shrinkage (hopefully it's a one-time deal...).

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DIY: Picnic Placemat

I had so much fun making picnic placemats for my friend's birthday. I couldn't find a pattern in any of my sewing books, so I decided to wing it. The process was very simple (even though I was going to initially make eight of them and decided to make two...).

First, I cut two pieces of fabric for each component:

• 2 pieces of 16" x 22" for for the placemats (canvass material from IKEA)
• 2 pieces of 6" x 6" for the napkin/knife pocket
• 2 pieces of 4.5" x 6" for the fork/spoon pocket
• 2 pieces for the napkin

I followed the same steps for sewing everything:

1. Put right-side of fabric to right-side and sew almost around the entire area.
2. Clip the corners in a diagonal to make the corners more crisp when you flip it.
3. Flip everything right-side out.
4. Iron.
5. Fold the remaining hole in place and iron.
6. Sew around the top of the fabric to close up the hole and produce a nice finish.

First I did the place mat pieces (and I put two pieces of ribbon inside the two pieces of fabric before I sewed it shut to create the ties).

Next I cut a piece of quilt batting to size and fit it inside each placemat.

I sewed everything shut.

Then I sewed on each of the pockets, which helped to quilt the fabric and batting into place. I sewed a line down the center of each pocket to make a divider for the cutlery and napkin.

Finally, I made the napkin following the same steps above.

The process was fairly painless. I do wish I would have picked a better ribbon. The little flowers on mine make it hard to tie it smoothly.

I've also seen something similar done with sushi mats, which is a cute option, too!

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DIY: Whiteboard Door

I've been craving a big whiteboard in my house ever since I was a first-year teacher in rural Louisiana. There was an experienced teacher a few towns over who had whiteboards in his living room. They stretched across his walls, and he used them to lay out his master plan for the school year. I would stare at those whiteboards in complete awe and wish for my own personal system of part-inspiration and part-accountability.

Two cities and five homes later, I still didn't have any whiteboards to call my own. Matt and I have been debating where to put one. We have two windows on nearly every wall, which makes it difficult to find a good patch for a whiteboard. It also has to be a place that we pass by often enough, and it has to be in a spot where we can easily access it with a marker in hand.

Finally, we figured it out: the bathroom door! It was a spot we can easily get to and spend time looking at while we wait for the shower to heat up. Here's how we transformed our bathroom door into a centralized whiteboard for less than $20:

• Step One: We carefully measured the area we wanted to cover with a whiteboard.
  
• Step Two: We took our dimensions to Lowe's and searched for a large piece of shower board. Shower board is the water-resistant material used to line the inside of showers. However, it can also function as a white board that can be used with dry erase markers. We ended up finding a $10 piece of white board, which we asked a Lowe's employee to cut down to our exact specs.
• Step Four: We bought two packages of removable mounting strips (size large). Each package can hold 12 pounds, and we figured our board would be really secure with enough mounting strips to support 24 pounds.
  
• Step Five: We followed the directions on the package to adhere the strips to the back of the board.
• Step Six: We removed the paper backs from the removable strips and pressed the board into place.
  
• Voila!

In retrospect, it might have been better to pick a door that doesn't get as much action. It will be easy to brush against our bathroom door whiteboard. So far, it's working out well, although the door to our office might have been even better.

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