Moments of Authenticity

I've struggled for a long time to find "my path"--my most authentic wave. Many years ago, I auditioned to work at Princeton Review (as a side job to supplement my teaching income). As part of the interview, we had to do a sample lesson about anything. I chose to do a tutorial about how to make an envelope out a recycled magazine page.

A co-interviewee decided to teach about quantum physics. (Please forgive me as I botch his lecture through the lens of my metaphor-obsessed brain.) He talked about how everything in the universe is essentially a wave. He also mentioned that waves can collide and cancel each other out.

That night, I committed to finding my authentic wave. I worried that if I lived on anything other than my authentic wave, then I would be at risk for canceling myself out.

As I brushed my teeth in preparation for bed (I had an early flight to Guatemala for a 7-day vacation), I got a call from an old friend who was in Houston for a conference. He wanted me to meet him at a bar.

Normally, my homebody self would have said thanks-but-no-thanks. The teeth are already brushed. But because I was trying to live my most authentic life, I jumped at the opportunity. We had a fantastic time together.

When I returned home at 4am, there were no parking spots to be found in my apartment complex. I decided (against my better moral judgment) to park in a handicapped spot since I would be vacating the spot in less than two hours to get to the airport.

Well, long story short, my car got towed, I had to call my friend to take me to the impound lot, I forked over a hundred or something bucks to get my car back, and I managed to make it to the airport on time. Phew! The best part is that I didn't even care. It felt great to be living on my authentic path.

While in Guatemala, as part of my quest to live my most authentic life, I decided to save up my money for the entire upcoming school year and then take a year off from teaching to go on a self-subsidized sabbatical.

Longer story, shorter: I traveled to India, an intentional community in Virginia, and folk art school in the mountains of North Carolina. While at folk art school, Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans and many of the evacuees headed to Houston. I decided to return to Houston to help my friends create a tutoring program for families living in the Astrodome. And that's how I met my husband!

I say all of this to illustrate that I believe in authenticity and doing things that feel right and following my passions and my intuitions. But at the same time, I don't often feel like my life is reverberating with authenticity. I take these online courses about dreaming big or growing your creative business and I feel frustrated when I don't know what my goals are or what I want to do. And it can be hard to read my intuition. Sometimes, a bad feeling is just fear of inadequacy.

So, it was much to my surprise when I started working on my online course about Purposeful Conception and it felt like I was back on that authentic wave again. I'm having so much fun that I would rather not shower or eat so that I can spend more time working on it. I overhear Matt telling his friends, "My wife is weird. If I were on summer vacation, I would be out having fun. Sara just sits in front of her computer working on these projects."

I'm trying to pay attention to those moments. To collect clues about what feels authentic and why. Let me see if I can encapsulate it:

• I like the challenge. It has been so, so hard to figure out the technical side of creating and executing an ecourse. I have to ask others for help, and I get frustrated, but so far I've been able to figure everything out. It's a challenge that is within my zone of proximal development. It's not too easy and it's not too hard. It's a bowl of porridge that is just right.
  
• It's not conception, in particular, that I'm passionate about. I've been interested in it for over a year, but once I'm no longer in this phase of life, then I'll be ready to focus on something else (pregnancy? parenthood?). I am passionate about sharing information with others--information that I believe will make the world a better place for all of us.
  
• I'm eager to interact with others once the course starts.
  
• I like that the project requires a wide range of tasks. I have to do graphic design, write, edit, solve coding issues, project plan, read, make documents, take pictures, interview others, etc.
  
• I like that I'm in charge of the project's direction from conception (pun intended) to execution.
  

I'll keep thinking about it. I want to make sure that I learn from this experience and these feelings of elation.

What's feeling authentic to you lately?

Share |

Collecting and Developing Ideas in Notebooks

I just bought a new notebook, and I figured it was time to hunker down and write a post about the concept of a Writer's Notebook. I've been promising to do it for a while now. I think I've been reluctant to do it because I had a sense that it would take me f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Going into one of my old notebooks is like going through a photo album or a box of memorabilia from the past. You know how you just get sucked in and one thing leads to another?

The idea of a Writer's Notebook comes from the writing workshop approach to teaching writing. The gurus of this approach work over at The Reading and Writing Project at Columbia University.

I've always had a journal. In 7th grade, I remember writing things like, "Do I want to be pretty or do I want to be cute?" When I grew up and started teaching 6th grade reading and writing, I learned about the concept of a Writer's Notebook.

The founder of The Reading and Writing Project, Lucy Calkins, says:

The recognition that writing begins not as deskwork but as lifework has radical implications for how we and our students rehearse for writing. Whereas some educators imagine that rehearsal for writing begins with listing and choosing among topics, brainstorming ideas, mapping alternative forms, and experimenting with various leads, most writers say that rehearsal for writing is not a string of exercises that warms up a writer just prior to the process of drafting but a way of life. Rehearsal is not even something that occurs in conjunction with any one piece of writing; it is a state of readiness out of which one writes.

For me, my Writer's Notebook is more like a Life Notebook. It's a place to collect my ideas, my insights, my lists, my goals, the things that amuse me, questions I have, words that make me smile.

But it is not a journal. I write a separate journal on my computer that is full of angst and rambling and freewriting in an attempt to unlock my deepest feelings. My notebook is something that I carry around with me at all times (you never know when the inspiration is going to strike!). It's something that can become public at any moment.

Here are some examples of things I do in my notebooks:

Strategy #1: Collect Quotes

• I simply jot down quotes that resonate with me. I read and reread these when I add new things to my notebook. It's interesting to see the types of quotes change as my life changes.

Strategy #2: Notes from Presentations

• When I attend workshops, lectures, classes, etc., I like to take notes in my notebook rather than on the handout. I find that I file handouts away and never reference them again, whereas I read my notebooks over and over.

Strategy #3: Logistical Stuff

• As you can see, I make "To Do" lists, I record directions to people's homes, phone numbers, etc. It's a catch-all place. It's like sticky notes, but it's all in one place and nothing ever gets lost.

Strategy #4: Travel Notes

• When I'm traveling, I take notes about what I do each day. That way, when the trip is over and I want to write a Friends & Family Update or a blog post, then I can remember everything.

Strategy #5: Lists

• And more lists, lists, lists. I am a verifiable list-maker. Hey, I need to go add that to my blogger profile. I make lists about absolutely everything. I make lists of who I want to invite to my birthday party. Lists about who came to my birthday party. Lists about things I'm looking forward to. Lists of moments in my life when I felt most authentic. Lists about what I want to be when I grow up. Lists about things that bring me joy. Lists of guys I've dated.

Strategy #6: Collect Ideas

• I brainstorm various ideas with webs (or lists, of course!). The webs above relate to gift ideas I have for my husband and best friend.
  

Strategy #7: Develop Ideas

• After I pick an idea off my lists, I develop it. The example above includes my ideas for starting a neighborhood time bank.

Strategy #8: Artifacts

• I tape artifacts into my notebook (e.g., movie ticket stubs, museum admission stickers, sticky notes from other people, etc.) that help me remember important or interesting things.

Notebook Logistics:

• I am addicted to using colorful, Sharpie pens. Unfortunately, those pens bleed through pages really easily. Therefore, I have to use a special Sketchbook from Moleskine that has thicker paper. My friend, Camella, changes the type of notebook she uses every time. She prefers the variety.
  
• When I finish a notebook, I flip through it and transfer anything that I'm still thinking about to my new notebook.
• When I'm ready to store an old notebook, I put a label on the outside to indicate the start and end dates contained in the notebook.
• I always write my name and contact information inside my notebooks so they can be returned if I lose one. They are very valuable to me!

I think that's it for now! Please let me know if you have any questions...

Share |

Cultivating Independence in Children

Now that I'm safely on the summer side of the school year, I have a bit more time to reflect on the end of the school year. I experienced one of my most memorable teaching moments of all time: I stood back while my third graders planned and executed their very own field trip.

First, they collected and developed ideas (just like we do in writing and research!) about where they wanted to go. They brainstormed lots of ideas, including going back to the Houston Arboretum or the zoo, to our pen pals' school across town, to Rice University, downtown Houston to see the "highest" and "lowest," etc.

Then ended up picking the latter option, and they set out to plan the entire trip. For example, they had to figured out how to get from our school to their first destination on the city bus. They also had to create an itinerary for the day, decide how much money to bring, debate between a picnic or a restaurant lunch, keep an ongoing "To Bring" list, and call the bus company to confirm the schedule.

During the field trip, they had to use a compass and a map to navigate the streets of downtown Houston, pay cashiers, ask security guards for directions, hold doors for people, and solve issues that came up along the way.

It was no small feat--for them or me. I had to stand back and let them take charge, even though it inevitably meant that the process was slower, less efficient, and more riddled with error. But it was in the slowness, the inefficiency, and the errors that the real learning took place. That's when the children really activated their critical thinking, made predictions, tested out ideas, demonstrated persistence, and collaborated with each other.

We missed the first bus, headed the wrong direction on McKinney street, and couldn't find the Smoothie King for our afternoon snack. But they had more fun on a field trip than they have ever had before. Because they planned it. Because they got their hands dirty in the creation and execution processes.

As teachers and parents in a fast-paced, drive-through society obsessed with the product at the expense of the process, it is so easy to do everything for children. It's faster. It's cleaner. It's more efficient. We've got things to do and places to go.

But, as Maria Montessori said so long ago, our children need to do for themselves. That's how they learn. That's also how they build true self-esteem--the kind of self-esteem that stays rooted in storms, not the kind of "Oh, you're so smart/pretty/amazing!" self-esteem that blows over as soon as someone expresses a contradictory opinion of them.

It's challenging, but it's possible. It takes time, mindfulness, and a commitment to truly cultivate independence in our children. But it can be done. It has to be done.

Share |

Announcement: New Online Course About Purposeful Conception

Are you thinking about getting pregnant or are you already actively trying? Welcome to Purposeful Conception! This course is for all of us.

The idea is simple: bringing a baby into the world is both an overwhelming joy and a life-changing commitment. When we approach conception with intention and purpose, we create a welcoming and prepared space for children in our lives.

This online course will help us position our minds, bodies, and lives for pregnancy. Over the course of five weeks, a new lesson will be uploaded each weekday. The lessons will address a whole host of topics, such as preparing your body through solid nutrition and exercise, finding balance between what you can and cannot control, making space in your life for pregnancy, deciding whether to track your cycle, building a solid partnership as a foundation for your future family, and much, much more. As a participant in the course, you'll receive information, tips, reflection exercises and prompts, access to video interviews, and a community of like-minded kindred spirits who are on a journey similar to your own.

Interested in learning more? Visit the Course Overview or About the Author. Already prepared to join the community? Registration begins on Thursday, July 1. Spaces will be available on a first-come, first-served basis and will be limited to the first 100 participants. The total cost is $99, and the course will begin on August 1, 2010. In the meantime, feel free to sign up for a reminder registration e-mail.

Also, you can easily share this announcement with others by clicking on any of the buttons at the end of this post.

Finally, you could download a button (by clicking on the code below) and add it to your own blog!

Happy Thursday!

Sara

Share |

Scared of Falling (Flat on My Face and Losing Some Teeth--I Really Hate Getting Dental Work Done)

So, it can be kind of scary to go out on a limb when you're not sure how high the tree is and you don't know how thick the limb is. It's even scarier when you can't see a clear path to follow out onto the limb and you have to inch your way forward, overwhelmed with uncertainty about whether you're going to get completely stuck before you even make it through the clearing.

That's what the past couple days have been like for me as I've worked feverishly to design an e-course called Purposeful Conception.

The content is not the scary part. I've been preparing for conception for almost a year, and I have lots to share (in a consolidated, user-friendly, inspirational format!). The hard part has been getting the technology piece to work out.

You see, I know very little about graphic design. I don't even own a real graphic design program (I use a free one I downloaded off the internet). I can barely get it to do what I need it to do (and plus I don't even know what I don't know when it comes to graphic design).

And then there's the coding part. Wwwwhhhhaaaaa!

When I was in college, I read a tome about teaching yourself HTML in 14 days. But A LOT has changed since they published that book back in 1996.

Of course I could fork over hundreds of bucks to have someone else do the technical heavy lifting for me, but Matt and I don't have hundreds of bucks to invest in something that might not lift off the ground.

You get my point. I won't wade around in my whining any longer.

In fact, the only reason I'm enumerating all these complaints is because I've made it out onto the limb, and so far I haven't fallen to the ground.

See? If I can do it, you can, too!

What's scaring you in your life right now? As Kelly Rae asked in her Taking Flight ecourse, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"

Creating this e-course is scaring me big time. But I'm doing it. Step by step. Line of code by line of code.

Stay tuned for an official announcement later today! I'm close to reaching a breakthrough!

Share |

First Pre-Conception Visit with a Midwife

Matt and I had our first pre-conception visit with a midwife this week. I feel fortunate that she's already volunteered so much of her time. A few weeks ago, she spent about half an hour on the phone with me talking about her practice, and this time she spent about an hour with us.

I'd like for us to decide on our care giver before we get pregnant because it's quite stressful reading about the American birthing industry and sifting through the various options. I don't mean to put the cart before the horse, but it makes sense for us to have our plan in place when/if we get pregnant.

After the conversation with her, we're definitely leaning toward a home birth. She talked us through the risks of delivering at home but also talked through the benefits of laboring in the home environment. She's helped deliver more than 1,600 babies and has lost 9 of them--many of them due to congenital defects that the families knew about in advance but decided to birth at home anyway. She said there were 2-3 cases that may have gone differently if the mother had labored at the hospital. Her hospital transfer rate is around 10% and 3-4% (of the 10%) end up requiring a c-section). She has had to call for an ambulance 20 times, and the mother's life has been in danger 7 times.

She's a certified nurse midwife, and she brings the same equipment to a home birth that would be available in the delivery room (electronic fetal monitoring, IV, antibiotics, infant resuscitation, etc.). She also brings a labor and delivery nurse with her and requires that we hire a doula.

She also humored us as we asked a wide variety of questions, ranging from "How do we prepare our relationship for pregnancy and birth?" to "Should I work full-time while pregnant?" She talked about the importance of putting systems in place for communicating our needs to each other and embracing the fact that we're going to have to put our needs on hold for 1-2 years (although she thinks couples start to get their life back after six months). As for working full time, she's seen mothers make lots of different choices for themselves. Her one worry is that a lot of full-time mothers can't listen to their bodies, like taking naps when they need to.

I also brought along my Rainbow Light prenatal vitamins and had her look at them. She said they were fine but they weren't as good as the Opti-Natal vitamins from the Eclectic Institute that she recommends, since the latter has more vitamins, minerals, and herbs.

I asked about other birthing options in Houston, since a birthing center attached to a hospital seems like the ideal way to balance the risks and the benefits. However, the landscape is not very appealing. She says there aren't very many certified nurse midwives in Houston, and most of the birthing centers are not attached to hospitals or are far out of town.

I was surprised that Matt left with such a favorable impression of home birth and midwifery. He appreciated her honesty, warmth, knowledge, and humor.

Since she's downsizing her practice as she nears retirement, she won't be available to deliver babies next summer. That means we have would need to get pregnant in the next few months if we want to use her (or stop trying for September, October, and November) and then try again after that. We'll see what happens.

Share |

June: Reflection & Rejuvenation

Image courtesy the Nikki McClure calendar

Whoa.

Did I seriously make it to the end of the school year relatively unscathed? (Aside from the bruise from my student's metal lunchbox crashing into me as he ran out of the closet and into my leg.)

I can't believe it, people. Those of you who are teachers know that May can be a tough, tough month.

First there was the third grade field trip that my students planned entirely on their own. They navigated us from the school to a bus stop. We took the city bus downtown and toured the "tallest" and the "lowest" of Houston. Then we picnicked at Discovery Green and finished the day off with a smoothie.

Then there were our two end-of-year parties. The first was a pool party at a student's house, and the second was a Make-Your-Own-Pancakes party. We split into six groups (led by parent volunteers). Each group made something different (whole wheat pancakes with freshly ground flour, whipped cream, syrup on a hot plate, orange juice, etc.).

Then there was report cards and individualized advice for each child about what they should work on this summer and cleaning our classroom and packing everything up in preparation for the custodial staff to do a deep cleaning.

Phew.

I am here, and I still seem to be breathing. Just barely.

Luckily I was intentionally light on my goals for May. Here's what I set out to do:

• Order a new-used SLR camera: CHECK! We ordered this camera body and this lens.
  
• Take a photography class from two National Geographic photographers: CHECK!
  
• Help my 3rd graders plan their own field trip (using the public bus system!): CHECK!
  
• Keep trying to create a potting area (I haven't had success locating a good table). (Although, I just took a major break from this post and think I found a vintage desk on craigslist for twenty-five bucks.): Okay, we just bought a table! Finding the bricks, setting up shelves, and finding cute containers will have to continue to be a work in progress. I really hate shopping!
  
• Keep trying to turn our backyard into an oasis. I almost bought a couch off Amazon, but I had second thoughts about buying something new instead of used. But it can be so hard to find something used! I'm really not much of a shopper...: We have put this one on hold. There are so many other things we want to buy!

So what's in store for June?

1. Work on creating an e-course about purposeful conception
2. Update the look and functionality of my blogs (have you noticed the banner doesn't match the URL? Oops!)
3. Completely immerse myself in a yoga retreat with my best friend
4. Prepare my workshop for the KIPP School Summit in August
5. Start my charter school application
6. Host a picnic/silent film event for friends
7. Invite someone over for a dinner party
8. Run and do yoga regularly
9. Work diligently on the Taking Flight e-course
10. Study Spanish for 20 minutes every weekday
11. Make a travel pillow for our impending vacation to California and Canada
12. Take a photography class to learn how to use my new DSLR camera
    

I think that's it! I'm so looking forward to having an entire day to devote to my various projects. Hooray for summer!

Share |