Stress Management Update

A while ago, I realized that I have too much stress in my life. Also, since Matt and I are trying to have a baby, I am working on my stress management because it helps with conception and, besides, babies bring enough stress into one's life.

I've been working on a couple different strategies with varying degrees of success:

• Better Nutrition: Nutrition definitely impacts stress, particularly because it impacts our hormones. I was doing really well with this one, but I have strayed. I am officially re-commiting to eating in a healthier way.
  
• Consistent Exercise: Like nutrition, exercise helps manage stress levels by impacting our hormones. Like nutrition, I have strayed on this front, too.
• Daily Relaxation Ritual: For a while I was shutting everything off at 8:15, picking up the house, doing a bit of yoga, and relaxing until bed around 9:30. I have to confess that I have strayed from this one, too. Egad! I think it was caused by a couple problems. 1) The end of school was very busy, and I oftentimes had to stay up later to get my work done. 2) The line started to get blurred between work and relaxation. For example, I really like writing blog posts, so I started to count those as "relaxation," but really they aren't. My mind is much too active for it to count as relaxation.
  

Okay, making this list is depressing. Apparently, I'm not doing very well.

I think I'm doing two things right:

• Eliminating Commitments: I have done a good job of eliminating commitments that no longer bring me meaning and joy, and I have done a great job with saying "no" to new requests, even though it's really, really hard! Last month, I had three different organizations ask me to contribute to their projects in different ways. I respect every single one of them, but I simply had to say no. I have to leave space in my life for new projects and relaxation.
• Organizing My Time: I do a good job of managing my time and working to get ahead on projects rather than leaving everything for the last minute.

It looks like I've got some work to do...(I'm trying not to stress about it too much!)

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Pre-Fab Home Tour

Matt and I took a very concrete step toward realizing our dream of creating an intentional neighborhood (even though we only have $84 in our savings account entitled, "The Dream"): we went on a house tour offered by Ma Modular, a company that specializes in bringing affordable, modern, eco-friendly design to the masses.

I went into the experience with limited expectations. The pictures on the website looked amazing, but I figured they were professionally stylized and were intentionally shot to create the best possible views. I couldn't have been more wrong! The house looked exactly like it did in the pictures. It was a little more cluttered because a real family lives there, but the design is truly beautiful.

There's lot of natural light (my number one pre-requisite!). The ceilings are high and there are windows and sliding glass doors (eco-friendly ones) everywhere.

My only complaint was that the kitchen was a little small, but the Ma Modular representative explained that many aspects of the home can be customized, despite the fact that the house is pre-fabricated in a factory.

Speaking of the Ma Modular representatives: they were amazing. They have a whole team of people: people to help you customize your house, people to help you find land upon which to build your house, and people to help you secure a loan for land + construction.

I also went out of my way to befriend a woman who is thinking about going through the process. I would love to hear about others' experiences with the whole thing from start to finish!

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DIY: Summer Pajama Pants

I've been wanting to make some summer pajama pants for a while (and by "summer", I mean cropped about 3/4ths length).

I finally got around to doing it! I used the pattern in Amy Butler's In Stitches. The first time I tried it, I trimmed too much off the sides (I didn't want them to be so billowy), and they ended up not pulling over my hips. I had to give them to Krista, a visitor from Canada who was passing through on a road trip adventure.

The second time I tried it, I followed the pattern exactly. This time, the waist is too high. I kind of look like I'm wearing granny panties (hence the photograph with the pants on a doorknob rather than my body). I'm pretty sure it would be an easy fix; I just haven't gotten around to doing it yet. You know how that goes...

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Helping Children Develop a Solid Foundation

I've been following Monica's journey back to full-time work away from the home over at Attachment Mama. Her post about all the separation anxiety and emotional turmoil the change is creating within her family makes my heart ache.

On the one hand, I think it's healthy for children to experience discomfort and some uncertainty. Those emotions are most definitely part of all of our lives, and I believe that we need to cultivate the ability to be comfortable in those moments. We need to develop self-soothing mechanisms in order to cope with inevitable discomfort and uncertainty. We need to experience discomfort and uncertainty in order to practice dealing with it.

On the other hand, I believe that being able to cope with discomfort and uncertainty stems from the process of being "full-up" with love, connection, and certainty. In other words, once children build a solid foundation of love, connection, and certainty, then they can move onto the art of practicing how to deal with discomfort and uncertainty.

I have no way of anticipating how long I'm going to want to stay home with my [future] child. I have no idea how long it will take to create that solid foundation. I have no idea how long I'll be able to sustain my need for creativity, inspiration, analytical conversation, and connection with others as a stay-at-home mom. I have no idea if my partner, Matt, will want to stay home with our child instead of, or in addition to, me.

Regardless of all these questions, there is one answer that seems to float to the surface of certainty: Matt and I should do everything possible to get ourselves into a financial situation that allows us to work out whichever arrangement feels right when the time comes.

Put more simply, it means that we should a) save as much money as we can and b) be careful about the financial commitments we make. For example, as we ponder what our next house will be, we should remember not to get ourselves into a mortgage that requires two full-time incomes.

Easier said than done!

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We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Broadcast

I've been working on a few blog updates (as part of my master plan for summer vacation). I wanted to bring a few of them to your attention.

Without further ado:

1. I now have an RSS feed in the right-hand sidebar beneath my profile. I didn't even know I didn't have one (it's dangerous when we don't know what we don't know). Thanks to Michelle for requesting one! Please let me know if it works...
2. You'll notice there are new buttons at the bottom of every post. If you're feeling generous, please click on them sometimes. They'll help me spread the word about my little humble corner of the internet. I promise to do the same thing when I'm on your blogs!
3. The Facebook like button at the bottom of each post is a great way for me to get feedback from you about what kind of posts you like. It's kind of like the democracy of blogging. The more votes particular posts get, the more clues I'll get about what your favorite topics are or which ideas resonate with you.

I think that's it for now! As always, let me know if you have feedback on things I can do to improve my blog.

Thanks!

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Being a Neighborly Neighbor

The view from our bungalow to the house across the street

Matt and I have only lived in our humble bungalow for two years. In that time, people have come and gone in the rental house across the street. We were really good friends with the first family that lived there. We went to their birthday parties, we talked on our porches, we cooked S'mores together.

And then they moved. We were heartbroken but not discouraged. We attempted to make friends with the new neighbors. They were young and interesting. We walked our dog with theirs. We invited them to our monthly potlucks.

And then they broke up. In an instant, the girlfriend was gone. She didn't even say goodbye to us. And then there were moving trucks and more moving trucks. And then the guy grew a really long beard and hair and started wearing glasses, so we had a hard time distinguishing him from his friends.

And then there was a "For Rent" sign again. And I almost gave up. I almost said, "I'm done with that house!" I'm an introvert, and it takes a lot of energy for me to meet new people, for me to extend myself over and over again.

But then the new neighbor pulled up with a truck full of stuff, including a couch. He was by himself. I knew there was no way he could get everything inside by himself. So I grabbed Matt and we headed over there. And you know what? He seems like a super-cool guy. And while we were in front of his house, our other neighbor, Linda, came out and I got to introduce her to her new neighbor. And then I got to chat with Linda about the end of her school year and what she was going to do this summer. And then I asked her if she wanted some eggs from our backyard chickens. She didn't even know we had chickens, so I invited her over to meet the chickens. I also gave her some of the tomatoes that our other neighbor had given us.

Yes, it's worth it. This process of putting ourselves out there with a smile, a helping hand. It builds connection and community, something we're all in need of.

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Mother Mentor: Things I Wish I Would've Known Before Having a Baby

I'm on the search for "Mothering Mentors," so I was giddy with excitement when one of my internet friends e-mailed me with this advice:

I wanted to send a quick list of some of the things about motherhood that I wish I would have known beforehand. Hope it's useful on your journey.

1. Postpartum depression is real and even if there's no history in your family and even if you had a perfect pregnancy, it is real and not to be ignored. I didn't seek help for mine until my daughter was 6 1/2 months old because I was so stuck on being organic. I was in denial big time. So, if you feel out of it for longer than the first few weeks, see somebody. So many of my girlfriends admitted they had it too after I admitted I did. Crazy!
2. As a planner myself, I think it's important to focus on what matters. For me and my partner, it wasn't having the perfect nursery or all the clothes washed, or even having all the stuff society says you need. We focused on finding a rhythm with our daughter, getting her on a sleep/feed schedule and sticking to it even when everyone said we were being too rigid. All I know is that our girl was sleeping through the night at 12 weeks and has been doing so ever since. That is a lifesaver especially if you plan on returning to work as I did.
3. Breastfeeding or not does not make you a good mom or bad mom. I was so hell bent on being natural (I had a midwife, I had an all natural labor, etc.) I didn't even consider bottles while pregnant. I just knew I was going to breastfeed for a year. Period. It didn't work out that way for a lot of reasons and even though I pumped for 7 1/2 months and our daughter got breastmilk regardless I had such tremendous guilt about not being able to do it the "right" way. Whatever happens for you, know that all your baby wants is love.
4. The first 6 months it's all about YOU and not your husband. Babies depend on mama for everything. You are the source and as a result you may find yourself resenting the freedom that Matt gets. And the accolades. Society is structured such that dads get applauded for everything they do and moms don't. It's not about the recognition but I know I would get a little pissed when people would praise my partner for being such a good job because he was washing bottles or changing diapers. I always felt like that was his job too since it was his daughter. I found that to be quite difficult.
5. Finally, trust your instincts. Have fun. Don't blink. And rub your belly as much as you can. A miracle is in progress.

Hope this helps. I wish you guys well! :)

I appreciate her wisdom so much. As I work on my online course, Purposeful Conception, I worry about being part of the oppressive rhetoric around being 100% natural and 100% healthy. We put unhealthy pressure on ourselves when we expect 100% perfection with regard to anything. Her advice inspires me to make this commitment to myself: I will do my best to follow the conception, pregnancy, and parenthood guidelines that I believe most nourish my children, but I understand that things happen and that I must be patient and kind with myself no matter what.

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