Montessori Toys

The expression "follow the child" is at the center of the Montessori approach to education. It comes to mind as I sit down to reflect on the new toys I bought for Henry.

For the first two months of Henry's life, his main "play time" or work revolved around mobiles. Since he was working on developing his eyesight, focus, concentration, and ability to track objects, I would place him on his back on his movement mat next to a mirror beneath one of his mobiles. We started with a black and white whale mobile, then progressed to a color butterfly mobile, and then switched to an abstract mobile. During that period, we would also put him under his wooden arch to give him different experiences. We started by hanging black and white clipart cards.

To "follow the child" means to observe the child's development and prepare the environment in a way that helps challenge the child in just the right way. So, for example, when Henry started raising his arms to bat at his mobiles (even though they were beyond his reach), we then traded the clipart cards for a Gobbi mobile (in a pure Montessori approach, the Gobbi is not for batting; bells and balls are used for that). Then when we noticed Henry starting to grab at the balls, we had to switch out that mobile with a toy for him to grasp.

Once he could easily grab at the toy hanging from his wooden arch, we decided it was time to provide Henry with more toys, so he could continue to work on grasping and pulling to his mouth (which is now his primary way of exploring his world).

First I went to the bins in his closet where I store extra toys. Because I try to keep his Montessori nursery as orderly, beautiful, and simple as possible, we don't put out all of his toys at once. Instead, we rotate them in and out. I pulled out his Sophie toy for the first time, which my dear internet friend Valerie sent to him. It seemed like the perfect toy for him to grasp and chew on. He loves it!

I also went online and ordered the following toys:

1. Magic Clutching Toy
2. Triangle Clutching Toy
3. Kringerling Clutching Toy
4. Skwish Rattle

When selecting toys, I tried to pick items that Henry could easily grasp. Everything but the Magic Clutching Toy is perfect for him right now. I also sought out toys that were simple, beautiful, and made of natural materials.

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DIY: Montessori Helper Platform

Image courtesy anawhite

Oh, I wish I were married to a wood-worker!

I would love to be able to say, "Baby, we really need ______. Will you build it for us?"

Like this handy helper platform. This type of furniture is very Montessori, since we try to involve children in the everyday activities of adults as often as possible. And they are super-expensive to purchase. They are especially useful for letting children help in the kitchen.

This DIY version looks awesome!

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Montessori Infant & Toddler Video

Have I recommended this video before? It's a ten-minute explanation of the infant and toddler Montessori environments. It gave me several good ideas about how to parent in those early years, especially about how to prepare the environment.

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Finding Balance as a Parent

A post over at Attachment Mama really got me thinking about how to find balance as a parent. She says:

Absolutely love your child with every ounce of who you are. Honor their little spirits and tend to their needs. Do all that you can to foster secure attachment. But for the sake of your own emotional and physical well-being — don’t put yourself on a shelf in the process. Don’t do it!! If you’re like me, you mistakenly believe that if you give to yourself it means your child will suffer. That you won’t be giving to them. And you can drive yourself to the brink in the name of intended Love and Devotion. You really can. In the long run, no child benefits from a sick or unhappy mother!!

I wholeheartedly agree that we can't sacrifice ourselves for our children to the point where we are sick and stressed out. We clearly aren't very good for anyone in that condition.

But even more than that, I think it is imperative that we model how to live our best lives for our children. We have to show them what it means to find balance, to seek out joy, to pursue our passions, to care for our loved ones and the world.

As trite as it sounds, our actions really do speak more loudly than our words. Our children are constantly looking to us for lessons about how to live, how to make decisions, and how to be good people.

We owe it to ourselves to make time for self-care in all sorts of ways (from exercising to sleeping to following our dreams), but we also owe it to our children. We have to show them that life is full of joy and possibility. We have to show them how to make the most of our precious time.

It's definitely something I'm going to struggle with over the years. On the one hand, I want to absolutely make time for the sacred act of parenting. As a teacher for the past ten years, I can state with confidence that parents really do make a difference. On the other hand, I want to continue to pursue my passions and my dreams. I'll need to constantly balance the two and make adjustments (and readjustments) as necessary.

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Gardening with Children

Oh, how I can't wait to set up a garden! I have really been dragging my feet. I originally started this blog in 2007 to chronicle my journey into organic gardening when we moved from Houston to Denver, but I ended up failing miserably.

When we moved back to Houston, I didn't start a garden because our backyard is way too shady. We're thinking about moving into a three-bedroom house sometime soon-ish, so I'm even more reluctant to start a garden. Plus, we have free-range chickens, and I'm worried about how they would interact with the garden.

But at least my class has a garden plot! It's amazing how it always seems to work out for us, even though I have no idea what we're doing. Last year, we planted and harvested lettuce and had a salad party. Then we planted and harvested sweet potatoes in May and harvested them when we returned to school in the fall (because I teach at a Montessori school, the students stay in the same classroom for three years). We cut them and turned them into sweet potato french fries. We had an awesome discussion about the difference between frying and baking.

Kids love healthy food when they are involved in its preparation. It's amazing! I can't wait to build a family garden, so our son can dig his hands into the dirt and witness the sheer amazingness of growing your own food.

I need to stop dragging my feet and just do it! Maybe I should do some container gardening, while we figure our our house situation...

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Herbal Recommendations from My Midwife

One of the things I loved most about having a midwife was her holistic and preventative approach to pregnancy and birth. For example, she recommended various supplements throughout my pregnancy to help build a solid foundation for the birth.

Here's a list of what I did:

• Started drinking red raspberry leaf and nettle tea in the first trimester. I drank one cup a day in the first trimester, two in the second, and three in the third. My midwife says the tea strengthens the uterus and better prepares it for birth.
  
• Took alfalfa supplements starting in the third trimester. My midwife explained that in the 20 years since she started recommending alfalfa supplements, she has never had to transfer a woman to the hospital for a hemorrhage (she has had women hemorrhage, but their ability to clot and resolve the issue on their own was sufficient).
• Took Primal Defense Probiotics from Nature's Defense to try to ward off any Group B Strep infection I might have.
• Took Arnica after the birth to help relieve general soreness and achiness.
• Made comfrey tea compresses and froze them to use as soothing compresses in my underwear after the birth.
• Took Sitz herbal baths after the birth to help my body heal.
  

So much of my experience with the medical system has been reactive rather than proactive. I loved doing things to strengthen my body in preparation, rather than to just cover up symptoms after my body was weak.

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Following-Up on Consequences

I'd like to think that being a teacher for nine years will help me be a better parent. Of course there are real differences between teaching children and parenting them, but I hope I have learned some helpful strategies by interacting with more than 320 children.

For example, I learned a lot by reading Lee Canter's Assertive Discipline. In that book, he talks about the importance of:

1. Teaching children how to see their own behavior as a choice that they are in control of
2. Helping children clearly understand the consequences of their actions, both positively and negatively
   
3. Following through on consequences consistently and without emotion
   

I see these three fundamental strategies break down over and over again in families. In my own family, for example, I remember my parents screaming at my brother, "If you don't clean up your room right now, we're going to throw everything away!"

For starters, we should try to avoid letting these kinds of situations escalate into shouting, anger, and explosive emotions. I know it's easier said than done! Parents can be under immense amount of stress as they try to juggle everything in their lives, and it can be difficult to maintain equanimity.

Second, we should never blurt out consequences that we won't actually follow-through on. Children can only learn that there are real consequences for their choices, if we set up situations in which we can actually follow-through with those consequences.

I've seen this play out in other ways, too. For example, a colleague of mine has a very needy and whiny daughter. While we were out to lunch together, the daughter was sitting on the mother's lap, whining for some of her drink. The mother did a great job of trying to empower her daughter by saying, "You're welcome to get some of my drink, but you need to get it yourself. You know how to do it."

But the child persisted in wanting the mother to bring the cup to her mouth for her. She continued whining and fidgeting. The mother tried to continue her conversation with the rest of us and would occasionally stop to remind the daughter that she could have some of the drink if she got it herself.

After a few minutes of this, the mother relented and brought the cup to her daughter's lips.

What did the daughter learn in that situation? She learned that when her mother tries to establish boundaries and expectations, she doesn't really mean it. She learned that if she is persistent and annoying enough, she will get her way. She learned that she doesn't have to accept responsibility for herself.

Something similar happened with another friend of ours. The little boy was sitting on a chair in the house and throwing the ball off the chair. He would then whine for his father to get the ball for him. The dad said, "If you want the ball, you need to get it yourself." The son persisted with his whining and pouting. The dad persisted with his message: "If you want the ball, you need to get it for yourself."

Finally, the dad relented and got the ball for his son. Again, the son internalizes these lessons: When my parents give me boundaries and expectations, they don't really mean it. If I am persistent and annoying enough, I will get my way. I don't have to accept responsibility for myself or my actions.

I don't mean to say that we should parent in robotic ways or that we shouldn't do things for our children. However, if we want to raise children who accept responsibility for their actions and who make good choices for themselves, we need to give them lots of practice in the little moments. If we tell them they need to get the ball if they want it, then we need to follow-through with that expectation, even if they break down and engage in a major tantrum. If we tell them they are welcome to help themselves to our drink but we aren't going to hold the cup for them, then we need to follow-through with that expectation--especially if they get more whiny and insistent about it!

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