Gearing Up for Toilet Training (i.e., Toilet Awareness/Learning)

Montessorians believe that the sensitive period for helping children use the toilet independently is 12-18 months (according to the book Montessori from the Start). The author cites studies that indicate that in the 1950s, ninety-two percent of babies were using the toilet successfully during the daytime by 18 months of age.

We've done a little Elimination Communication with Henry from early on to help him associate diaper changes with the toilet (and we've always set up his changing area in the bathroom), but we honestly didn't have much success with it. Even though I was home with him full-time for the first year of his life, I was never adept at reading his cues. We have accidentally caught several pees and poops, but the ratio of caught to missed has not been favorable.

In anticipation of the 12-month mark, coupled with the fact that we moved to a new house and were therefore setting up a new environment, in addition to the fact that Henry had a really bad diaper rash for a long time, we started gearing up for toilet awareness. Here's how we did it:

1. We purchased cotton training pants from Hanna Andersson. They are expensive, but luckily we caught a 20% off deal. The other training pants that have been recommended to me are Under the Nile Organic Cotton Training Pants (although I've heard they run small), Potty Patty's or Potty Scotty's, and the ones at Target. Henry will need these training pants when he starts Montessori school in the fall (he's at a Montessori daycare right now which isn't an authentic program).
   
2. We put a basket in the bathroom to hold his underwear, right next to his Baby Bjorn toilet.
3. We created a spot for Henry to sit while he's putting his underwear on and taking it off (simply by flipping a basket over).
   
4. When Henry is home with us, he only wears his training underwear and a shirt. For the most part, the underwear will hold one pee or poop (the one exception to this was when Henry was on a play date at a friend's house and for some reason it leaked and he peed all over their floor. Oy.) We make it a point to make frequent trips to the toilet to give him the opportunity to try and go to the bathroom. We let Henry choose between a book and a toy when he sits down on the toilet.
   
5. When he does go to the bathroom on the toilet, we say something neutral like, "You did it. You peed in your toilet," rather than conditioning him with external praise, like "Great job!" Then we dump it in the big toilet and give him the opportunity to flush the toilet.
6. We put his cloth diapers on him when we're going to be away from the house for an extended period.
   

Our current process is working out well. The training pants help us immediately recognize when he has gone to the bathroom. He can feel the wetness very easily, and we are getting a better understanding of how frequently he actually urinates. With pooping, it's getting easier and easier to notice his little grunts, so we are actually able to get him to the toilet quite a bit for that process.

It still feels too early to actually expect him to internalize this process, but it feels like the right time to start. His ability to understand language and the world around him astounds us on a daily basis.

We still need to get a small stepping stool for the bathroom, so he can reach the sink and we can start associating using the bathroom with hand-washing. We also need to hang a towel at his level for hand-drying (I think we'll sew a wooden ring onto it, so he can easily hang it back on the hook).

Good times at the Cotner-Bradford residence!

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: My idea to create a new ritual for Henry's birthday.

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Montessori Bedroom for a One Year-Old

I've been meaning to share pictures of Henry's new Montessori bedroom. It's a lot different than his Montessori nursery in Houston.

In our 1930s bungalow in Houston, we only had two bedrooms, so Henry's nursery also functioned as our office, guest bedroom, and craft room. We designed it with all those functions in mind. It was also my favorite room in the house, so when Henry and I were home together, we hung out in there like a living room (which is why we put his movement mat, mirror, and mobiles there instead of in the living room).

Now that we live in a ranch-style home with three bedrooms in Austin, Henry has his own room, and we have a separate room devoted to the office, crafts, and guests. Henry primarily uses his bedroom for sleeping and a little playing. We tried to make the environment simple, natural, calming, beautiful, and orderly.




Henry has an IKEA shelf that holds some toys, including bell and ball cylinders, a xylophone, a box/ball toy that helps with object permanence (I removed the rubber pieces and the hammer, so it more closely resembles an authentic Montessori toy), a discovery basket, a Skwish toy, another ball toy, some hand grasping toys from Etsy, and a basket of books. I also made him a set of rattling jars with pistachios, quinoa or couscous, black-eyed peas, and popcorn (I used little jam jars from restaurants). Everything has a place, so it's easy to restore the environment after Henry has been playing in there. If we had more toys, we would rotate them out every couple weeks. But honestly, we have toys in the bedroom, three different places in the living room, and in the car, which means we don't have any extra in storage.

We hung three pieces of art on the wall, at a height that was low enough for Henry to have a good view of them but high enough to keep them out of his little reaching hands.



His floor bed is against the wall, with a handmade decorative pillow and a quilt for added warmth. The Montessori floor bed is still working out really well for our family. At nap time, I put Henry on his bed (he sleeps on his stomach) with a pacifier, leave the room, and close the door behind me. If he's tired, he falls asleep right away. If not, he plays by himself in his room. It's designed to be as safe as a crib would be. When he is tired, he crawls back over to his bed and falls asleep. Sometimes, he'll play up to 45 minutes by himself before deciding he's tired.

I like to look at the room from Henry's perspective and make adjustments as necessary. I love the view out his window!

On the window sill (which is safely out of reach), we keep plants and other natural objects.




We still need to modify the room a little to facilitate independent dressing. We need to get his closet set up properly so he can pick his clothes each day, and we need to hang his mirror on the wall and add a stool and laundry basket. We will also add little rugs to the rug basket, when he starts pulling activities off his shelf and siting down to work on them.

I feel so thankful to have found the Montessori philosophy. It resonates so deeply with Matt and me, and its principles align with what feels right to our family. Although it's not a valid science experiment because the sample size is so small (one!) and there's no control and I'm not a scientist (and the list of other reasons goes on and on), I feel like we see some of the expected outcomes. Henry is very comfortable in new environments, and he enjoys exploring independently. We just found out that he got accepted to an authentic Montessori school in Austin (just up the road!), which he will start in the fall when he's 18 months. When I observed the youngest children's community, I honestly had tears in my eyes because it was so beautiful. If you are at all interested in Montessori, I highly recommend that you schedule a tour. It's a truly inspiring thing to watch.

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Choosing Clothes the Montessori Way

The weather is already warming up in Austin (hello, Spring!), which made me realize that Henry needs new clothes. The only warm weather clothes he has are onesies. They are getting too tight, and now that he's going to school, it feels like shorts are in order.

Although I prefer to buy used clothing whenever possible, I didn't have the patience or time to seek out good stores for used baby clothing in my new city. Instead, we took a short trip down the street to Target so we could get exactly what we needed for school the next day.

I kept Montessori principles in mind when selecting new clothes for Henry. I tried to prioritize function over fashion. I looked for clothing that he could put on independently (I opted for pull-on elastic shorts, which weren't nearly as cute as the zipper and button ones). I also looked for clothing that could be mixed-and-matched, so I can set out choices for Henry. My plan is to keep all of his clothes on the higher hanging racks and in the higher compartments and then to move a couple options down for Henry every day. He can pick a shirt from 2-3 options and pick a pair of shorts from 2-3 options. No matter which choices he makes, the options should coordinate nicely with each other. He will be able to select his shirts from a closet rod at his height. The goal is to facilitate his independence with as many aspects of daily life as possible.

It's definitely challenging to follow Montessori principles in modern clothing stores. So many things have cartoon-type characters on them, or they have downright stereotypical messages about gender (i.e., "tough guy"). But we're doing our best!

We also need to hang a mirror in Henry's room for dressing (we're using his movement mirror, turned vertical instead of horizontal), and we need to get a stool for him to sit on for putting shorts and pants on. We also need to purchase a child-sized laundry basket. Before we know it, he'll be able to carry his own clothes to the washing machine.

In Montessori from the Start, the author writes, "If you take time and effort to select your child's clothes carefully, show her how to dress herself, and allow her to practice, she is likely to get her clothes on and off by herself as early as fourteen months...she needs to make her own choice of what the wear and to take part in the care and storing of her clothes."

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Enter to win a photo book from Shutterfly!

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Balancing Henry's Needs with My Own

Being a parent is tough in the sense that it means you are responsible for ensuring that another human's needs are taken care of every single minute of every single day. That responsibility is a heavy burden to bear (while also being an immense blessing, of course).

It's important to me to keep my own needs at the forefront of my mind, so I continue to live a joyful, vibrant, and healthy life. If I take care of all of Henry's needs at the expense of all of my own needs, then I will not be a very good mother for Henry. It's a delicate balance, for sure.

Every once in a while, I think it's important for me to sit down and reflect upon what I need on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis and ensure that I carry all of those needs in my figurative pockets, pull them out as needed, and tend to them properly. I feel like we're at a transition point, now that Henry started daycare from 8:15-12:30 every day, and my time has suddenly opened up. It seems like a good time to sit down and have this conversation with myself.

So, dear Sara, what is it that you need on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis?

Daily:

• Eight hours of sleep
• Healthy meals
• Plenty of water
• Quality time with my family
• Time outside
• Meaningful and productive work with inspiring and engaging colleagues
• Time on my computer

Weekly:

• Exercise at least four times a week
• Time to myself
• Conversations with extended family and friends

Monthly:

• Time to create something
• A quirky and interesting event on our calendar
• A date night with Matt
  

Yearly:

• A big vacation
• A couple self-development endeavors (conferences, retreats, etc.)

When I write it out, it doesn't feel like an overwhelming amount at all!

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: An easy way to help guest keep track of their glasses at a party.

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Henry Goes to School (and My Heart Breaks a Little)

There are moments of motherhood that drag all too slowly ("How many more minutes until nap time?") and then there are the moments that come all too quickly and remind you how fleeting childhood, growing up, and life in general are.

I remember when Henry needed to nap on our chests--every single nap, five times a day--for the entire first three months of his life. My dear friend Sarah reminded me in the moment that it would be fleeting and that we should cherish it while we had it.

And then there was the bitter-sweetness of co-sleeping. There's nothing like the most tender, vulnerable little being nestled up against your side in the depths of the night. I was eager to reclaim my space, more uninterrupted sleep, and my blanket (and--more importantly--to help Henry separate as part of the attachment process), but I cried when it was time to move him to his own room.

And here I am again, crying, because it's time for another major separation. It's time for Henry to start school. Of course on one level I am absolutely ready for him to start school. I am eager to reclaim my time, my freedom, my personal passions. And he's absolutely ready to start school. He is one now, and I can completely tell that he is ready to go to a different environment every day, to interact with other children and adults, and to return to our family each afternoon with his heart full of adventures.

But still. He's growing up. I want to take a moment to acknowledge that fact, to immerse myself in what we've been through together, to celebrate the painstaking time and energy I have put into establishing a foundation of love for that little boy. His circle is widening. Every time that circle widens, it seems that I will need to celebrate and mourn.

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Learning Tower

I have been so eager to get our hands on a Learning Tower. Although they are cumbersome and insanely large, they seem like such an awesome way to help young children participate in the kitchen life of the family. Although I've read that "Practical Life" activities usually start around 15 months, I can sense that Henry is ready to at least be elevated to the counter with us. A few nights we've had him stand on a chair (with one of us standing directly behind him) in order to watch us wash dishes or make dinner. He's completely enthralled.

I've seen directions for making your own Learning Tower (that folds up!), but that option didn't sound too appealing. The materials seemed expensive, and neither Matt nor I are particularly adept with power tools. If only we were like John and Sherry...

Instead, I've been scouring Craigslist nearly every single day (no joke!) trying to score a used one. They go fast in Austin!

Luckily, Matt's family decided to buy us one for Henry's birthday. Woo-hoo! We are so eager to involve him in kitchen activities. Working with us in the kitchen will help him develop focus and concentration, foster his independence, build his self-esteem, develop his fine motor skills and his hand-eye coordination, help him cultivate diverse tastes, and allow us to spend quality time together. It will definitely be messier and slower, but I hope that we continue to prioritize this time with Henry. If you're interested in supporting your child's growth in the kitchen but don't know where to start, stay tuned for the book Kylie and I are working on! It should be available on June 4.

Matt and I toured a Montessori school the other night, and I was just blown away by the youngest classroom (ages 18 months through 2.5 years). The children walk around in just training underwear and a shirt, since they start toilet learning that young. The children also make brunch every day for the community. They slice bananas and avocados, and sometimes they make something like biscuits. They set the table, first with a table cloth and then the dishes. I can't wait to go back and do an observation when school is in session. It's amazing what children can do when we step back and let them show us!

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Reflection & Rejuvenation: March

Remember last month when many of you were really worried about me, my relationship, and my life in general? Well, things got a lot better fast. Don't get me wrong; things haven't been all peaches and cream (is that an expression?), but I almost immediately stopped feeling trapped. The three babysitters I was able to reach out to at the end of January helped me get out of the house and into the community, so I could start working on Magnolia Montessori For All. They seriously saved me from a complete meltdown. In retrospect, I feel bad being so dramatic. Honestly, I could have waited another month before getting started on my big dreams, but at the time, I really did feel like I was getting to the very limits of my capacity to stay home full-time.

The part of my life that hasn't been all rosy has to do with feeling fearful and anxious as I undertake my big, scary, audacious goals. Part of me thinks, "Why pursue something that makes you feel that way? Why not do something more relaxing and easy?" Reading my friend's blog about her own quest to face down her fears has been really inspiring.

It's also hard to be in a new city (I swear Austin's traffic is way more frustrating than Houston's--how is that possible?). I've been really pushing myself to meet new friends (hi, Monja and Todd!) to rebuild the connections I left behind in Houston.

The pocket neighborhood idea is progressing, but the real estate piece has been tricky and slow.

All in all, things are definitely on the up and up. I found an acceptable daycare for Henry, which means our lives are about to significantly shift. Matt will take Henry every morning, which means I will have a huge chunk of uninterrupted time to schedule meetings and work. In April, I will start my part-time job as the Director of Operations and Compliance for a new charter school in East Austin. I've been working in that capacity since the fall, but I'll start getting paid in April and consistently dedicating 20 hours a week. I'll also be part of a regular professional community again, which is hugely exciting to me!

Let's check in and see how I did on my monthly intentions:

• Create a project plan for the year for Montessori For All: Yes! And we had our first board meeting!
  
• Host Henry's first birthday party: Yes!
  
• Get an Austin library card: Nope. Need to change all of our address stuff first.
  
• Change everything to our new address: No. This kind of logistical stuff has completely fallen by the wayside this month. [insert self-forgiveness]
  
• Do one sun salutation before bed every night: No. I'm not sure why not. It's only one!
  
• Practice my mantra "let it go:" Some but not enough.
  
• Update our scrapbook: I can't find our scrapbook at the moment...
  
• Seek out joy in my new city: Hmm...I wouldn't say "joy," per se. We did go to a coffee shop concert and to a farm for dinner. Henry and I have had play dates with new friends, we've tried new restaurants, and I've had nights out by myself. I guess it's a little joy, but not a ton.
  

So, March, you are upon us already. Hello! And welcome! I need to go back to my yearly goals in order to establish my monthly goals:

• Complete the Vision and Business Plan for Magnolia Montessori For All
• Pull together a Montessori design team to help revise the charter application
• Present at a Texas Montessori conference
• Get business cards designed and printed
• Finish our taxes
• Change our address for everything (including license)
• Completely finish unpacking the house
• Run at least four times a week
  

Although I'm going to take serious strides forward with Montessori For All, the rest of my time is going to be about equilibrium. We need to get the center in order.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Read the book update!

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