Thoughts on Being More Present

I have a lot of lessons to learn from yoga, such as how to fully immerse myself in the present moment, to separate myself from the planning/worrying part of my brain that analyzes the past to inform and shape the future. I need to learn how to breathe into the here and now, to acknowledge--and then let go--of tension and discomfort and float on top of the sea of this moment.

I've been thinking about this lesson a lot as I transition to a new city, as my schedule as a mother and a professional shifts, and as I undertake audacious/scary/uncertain dreams related to building/finding community and starting Austin's first public Montessori school.

I will not lie; it has been hard. It's hard leaving behind all the connections that sustained me and made my life easier (my daily walks with my neighbor and her daughter, the babysitting co-op, playdates with good friends and good conversation...). I have to make friends all over again. Although I have a long list of people to meet thanks to this blog, I'm an introverted person, which means that meeting new people drains rather than energizes me. That's not to say that I'm not incredibly thankful for the people I've met so far, but the early stages of relationships leech my energy.

Not only did I leave behind my individual friends, Matt and I also left behind our "couple friends." It's incredibly difficult to cultivate friendships with other couples that Matt and I both like (although we're working on it!).

And starting a school from scratch in a new place is no small undertaking. It can feel downright impossible (or at least insane) at times.

These past few weeks, when I did have spare moments, I found that my motivation was lower. I didn't feel like researching how to submit Articles of Incorporation to the Secretary of State office, nor did I feel like fully unpacking our garage. I worried that I was slipping into a weaning-induced depression, but honestly I think I've just been doing too much and--more importantly--expecting too much. I shouldn't expect to feel settled and fully-friended and completely enamored with my new city/life just shy of two months. I need to have patience for the transition. I need to pay attention to my breath and to breathe into the here and now.

It's a lesson I wish I would have learned as a new mother: "to have patience for the transition...to breathe into the here and now." In so many ways, my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses. I am a problem-solver, an action-step-maker, a strategic-thinker, a time-manager. In many cases, I can activate those skills and side-step suffering. That's not the case when you're a new mother or you move to a new city.

Yes, there are still problems I can solve and action items I can add to my to-do list. Finding Henry childcare was a huge step in the right direction. Implementing a new weekly action plan has helped me feel less stressed. Taking the leap back into running and yoga has been transformative. But for every step forward, there will inevitably be some steps back or some hesitations. I need to have patience for the transition. I need to pay attention to my breath and to breathe into the here and now.

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Spending Time in Nature

Spending time in nature is a huge component of the Montessori approach, and it's an idea that completely resonates with me. I haven't read much of anything on the topic, like this book, because I don't really need any convincing. It makes sense on so many levels.

For example, I believe that the foundation of environmental stewardship is just a downright love of nature. The more children love being outside in the natural world, the more likely they are to take care of it. Plus, nature is an amazing backdrop for creative play and exploration. Children can satiate their natural curiosity and love of learning by turning over rocks, look up at the sky, stepping in creeks, etc. Further, the first six years of a child's life are the "absorbent mind" period according to Montessori theory. It makes sense that Henry should spend as much time as possible outside, soaking in the natural world as he forms the very core of his being.

We started taking Henry outside when he was an infant. He and I would lie on a blanket under a tree and he would stare up at the limbs as if they were a mobile. We would also sit on the front porch swing or go for walks in the Moby wrap. As he got a little older and more mobile, it was more difficult to take him outside because he put everything in his mouth very, very quickly. I don't mind if he tastes a rock or a leaf here or there, but it was very stressful to monitor him constantly. We instead took daily walks in the morning (and most evenings) in the stroller.

Then one magical day, he stopped putting EVERYTHING in his mouth. He still tasted a fair bit of the world, but it was much slower and more infrequent. That's when I started taking him to the park almost every day. He loved crawling around in the mulch, climbing up play structures, watching the other children, swinging, and going on the slide. We also spent more time in our backyard watching the chickens.

Now, we try to spend even more time in nature. Henry shows a lot of interest in nature. One of his new hobbies is looking for birds (I want to get him this bird feeder!). Our backyard is the perfect spot to hang out. We watch bugs, point out birds, practice saying the word "tree" (well, I say the word and Henry points at it). I still take him to the park sometimes (which is also directly behind our house), but I love to give him an informal natural environment to explore.

Since moving to Austin, we've started going on weekend hikes. Henry is so content to ride along in an Ergo carrier (we're looking for a hiking backpack). He watches absolutely everything. My favorite part, though, is when we get to a good spot and get him out. I love to let him walk around and explore. It feels like he's learning so much about how the world works and he's learning to love the natural world.

When I start to get busier and busier with my work, will you all please remind me about how important it is to spend time in nature? And about how I want to slow down and spend time as a family doing the things that really matter? Please and thank you!

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Weekly Action Plan Template

I know I write a lot about updating my organization system, but I'm just being honest about how much I tinker with my system to make sure it fits me just right. Every time my job situation or responsibilities shift, I generally have to make a change in my org system. If I don't, then I end up feeling all sorts of friction with my old system until I finally set aside time to revamp it.

I was using this system through my maternity leave and into my year as a stay-at-home mom. But now I'm starting to work more and more (both on my part-time job as the Director of Operations and Compliance for a new charter school and on the creation of my own charter school). I need more room to record daily tasks, and I need more space to chunk out my time and schedule work time for specific projects. I'll be working four mornings a week at my part-time job, picking Henry up at 12:30, spending the afternoons with him, and devoting Friday morning to my school. It's time to get back to a Weekly Action Plan.

I sit down on Sunday morning and look at my calendar for the week. I transfer all of my appointments and due dates to my weekly action plan. Yes, transferring these items is double-work (instead, I could use something like Outlook and my monthly items would populate my weekly view), but the act of transferring them from my tangible calendar to my tangible weekly action plan really helps me wrap my brain around what I have coming up.

Once I have all the have-to-do's on my action plan, I look back at my monthly goals and figure out what I want to accomplish this week in order to be on track to complete those monthly goals. Then I block off chunks of time during my week to work on those things (this is a way to be proactive about my time, rather than just reacting to all the demands that come at me throughout the week).

I can separate out my daily to-do items a little more. I'm sure I won't get everything done every day, but at least it won't be too difficult to look back at the previous day to catch up on a few things.

You can download the template here, if you're interested.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Reducing Stress with small steps...

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DIY Whiteboard

I wrote this post a while back about how we purchased inexpensive shower board from a home improvement store, asked them to cut it to our specifications, and then used removable wall adhesive strips to secure it to our bathroom wall.

I'd like to report that the removal process went pretty smoothly. The only negative consequence was some slight discoloration on the door where the adhesive strips had been for so long.

We decided to hang our "whiteboard" at our new house because it's so useful to have a centralized place to record family-related things. We opted for the kitchen this time. Right now, we've been using to record our meals for the week (have you been using Meals for a Year, the free meal planning site we created?). I also write notes to the babysitter and include a packet of information about Henry's schedule (secured within one of those plastic sheet protectors).

If I erase the marker in a timely fashion, it comes off very easily. If I let the market sit for weeks and weeks, then I have to break out the nail polish remover to get it really clean, which I don't mind. Shower board is definitely an inexpensive option for large whiteboards! You could even build a frame around it, like John and Sherry did at Young House Love.

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Busy Girl's Guide to Composting

Since Matt and I moved to our new house in Austin, we've changed up our composting system. Before I share our new system, I wanted to share our old one because it was super-simple.

I got the old one for free in Baton Rouge back in 2001 when I was doing Teach For America in rural Louisiana. It looked just like a trash can, except it had a big hole at the bottom that opened up to the ground. It was similar to this one. I'm convinced it's the absolute best system for someone who wants to keep as much out of the landfill as possible but a) doesn't care about actually using the compost when it breaks down and b) doesn't have a lot of time. We used this system by collecting our egg shells and fruit and veggie peels throughout the week in a big piece of tupperware in our refrigerator. When it got full, we would take it into the backyard and dump it into our composter. That's it. That's all we ever did. We never added water. Never really added brown material (like leaves and twigs). Never aerated it. We just used it like a permanent trashcan. Because everything was constantly breaking down, it never got full. It just decomposed back into the earth.

I may be giving terrible advice (if I am, please speak up!). Perhaps this strategy only works in warm weather climates. Or maybe it's really bad for the soil to have such a concentrated area of either carbon- or nitrogen-richness (I can't remember which it is). All I know is that I have used this strategy at four different houses, and it has worked well every time. I even used it at an apartment complex by hiding it among all the black trashcans.

With the kind of system I described above, I've found that it's difficult to get the compost out once it's broken down. It's constantly buried beneath new fruit and veggie peels. That's why Matt and I opted for a different system now that we actually want to use it for a garden. We searched high and low for a spinning tumbler that has two compartments. You can fill up one side and then let it sit and finish breaking down while you fill up the other, separate side. Although it was on the pricey side, I think it will be worth it (and thankfully the city of Austin is giving us a $75 rebate). The other option would have been to buy two separate composters, so we could let one sit and biodegrade while we actively used the other one.

The only downside with our new system is that it actually takes work if we want to get good compost out of it. We need to add three parts of brown material to every one part of our normal stuff. First, that's a lot! Second, we don't naturally have brown material (e.g., leaves) to compost. So every time we put in one part of normal material, we have to scrounge around for three times as much other stuff. The suggestion I've heard is to bag your leaves all fall/winter and then use them to sustain you through the spring and summer. But who wants bags and bags of leaves lying around all year long?

We'll have to see how we do with our new system. I do love that it's off the ground to discourage pests, and it's very simple (and even fun) to rotate, which helps the process a lot.

I'll keep you updated!

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Planning my next DIY quilt!

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Henry Helping in the Kitchen

I just had to share this video of Henry helping with lunch (on his Learning Tower). Editor's Note: Please ignore my annoying high-pitched baby voice. I try hard not to use that voice, but apparently it still sneaks in.

Of course I also need to say that the rest of the process was not this smooth. I tried to teach him how to smear pizza sauce with a spatula, but he wanted to do it with his hands (which was fine except then he grabbed a big chunk of the dough and stuffed it in his mouth).

Henry's new school offers parent education classes (hooray for learning more about Montessori!), and one of the instructors said, "Children need to learn about the physics of the world before they are ready for Practical Life." That idea makes a ton of sense to me. Henry needs to splash in water (in the tub, outside, etc.), play with faucets, drop things, etc., before he will be motivated to follow procedures in the kitchen. Also, he's young for Practical Life in the kitchen. Children are generally ready sometime between 15 and 18 months. I need to be more conscious of not rushing his development. But still, he's definitely ready to be more involved with what we're doing in the kitchen.

Here's a video of Henry helping with his breakfast smoothie.

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My Love/Hate Relationship with Running

Dear Running,

I hate you and I love you. It's as simple as that. When we started our relationship over nine years ago, you opened me up to new possibilities. You showed me that changing my daily habits can actually change my identity. By showing up to the park five times a week and making the trek around the three-mile loop, I became A Runner. I felt healthier, stronger, less stressed, and more proud of myself. I lost weight, built muscle tone, and eventually got comfortable running in just a sports bra. (I gasp just thinking about that now!).

But there was always the underside of our relationship. I always had to force myself to spend time with you. I have never been the kind of person who exercises for fun. Once I'm done and on my way home, then I think, "Oh, that was good," but I never actually looked forward to spending time with you.

Before I even knew I was pregnant, I started feeling uncomfortable running. When I finally took a pregnancy test and my midwife said it would be better to walk than run every day, I latched onto that excuse for dear life. It was much easier to motivate myself to walk. Walking is easy. It's relaxing. I don't have to look at my watch or push myself "to just make it to the next signpost."

What a glorious nine months! After Henry was born and the midwife said that breastfeeding was hard on the joints (for hormonal reasons, I think), those nine months stretched out to a year and a half.

But now I'm slowly making my way back to you. It's so hard! When I have my precious free time, I want to savor it, sink into it, enjoy it--not make myself gasp for air. But I'm doing it. I know you're good for me. You make me better. You make me happier (after I'm finished).

It makes me self-conscious to be out there among all those fit Austinites as they speed along the lake. My body has changed since we've been apart. I feel like everything jiggles up and down more than I move forward. I get passed by everyone. My leg muscles and abdomen muscles (which, by the way, don't feel like they're where they used to be) scream at me when I get home.

But that's okay. We're back at the beginning with our relationship. Time and distance can do that. We'll get there again, one foot forward at a time.

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Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Do you have any habits that hurt your marriage?

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