Living on "Toddler Time"

 

This past Saturday was a particularly busy day. Henry woke up at 7:15 and immediately wanted to read books (three of them). Then we trekked to the grocery store to pick up supplies for cookie-making. When we returned, Matt woke up and the three of us made cookies for an Easter party we were going to that afternoon.

 

Then Matt, Henry, and Hoss went to the dog park while I went to my prenatal yoga class and visited a house with goats as part of the Austin Funky Chicken Coop Tour. Meanwhile, the boys went for a haircut. Upon returning home, Matt, Henry, and I went over to our neighbors' house. Henry enjoyed jumping on the trampoline.

 

Henry, Hoss, and I napped while Matt played in a soccer game. Then we reconnected and went to an Easter party, full of egg hunts, eating, playing with sticks, and bubble-making.

And then we trekked all the way to the IKEA (it's pretty far beyond the Austin city limits). On the way home, Henry started to melt-down. He was whining and crying and acting generally irritable (even though it wasn't his typical bedtime yet).

 

That's when it hit me: We crammed too much into the day. Duh!

 

Henry's tempermant is a gauge that let's us know how much his absorbent mind can handle. After the Easter party, we should have gone home for a quiet dinner and bedtime routine at home.

Of course children are adaptable. They can do everything we do if we make them. But if we pay close attention, they give us clues about their needs. Yes, they need stimulation, but they also need quiet, slow time to process that stimulation.

 

I find that if I try to cram too much in, I end up rushing Henry. As a toddler, he likes to take his time. He doesn't want to rush to the car to get to the grocery store in the most efficient way possible; he prefers to take his time, observing the moth on the screen of the front door and stopping to pick up a rolly polly. Everything in his very being is telling him to take it slowly, to explore the world around him, to take it all in.

 

I try to honor Henry's developmental needs at each stage as much I as can. Of course it means that I don't always get to check off the items on my to-do list. Heck, I try not to put any items on my to-do list every afternoon between picking up Henry from school and the time we start making dinner. I try to follow Henry's lead. We take our time using the toilet so Henry can pull down his own pants and underwear, pee, and then pull everything all the way up. I even sit down for the hand-washing process because it takes a while for him to climb the stool, turn on the water, wet his hands, turn off the water, get one squirt of soap, rub his hands together to make bubbles, turn the water back on, rinse off his hands, turn the water off, dry his hands, and then climb down.

 

Then we go through the slow processes of making snack together, sitting down to eat, and cleaning up.

 

Afterwards, we usually trek to the park for an hour, and I follow Henry's lead. Sometimes he wants to explore the periphery of the park, looking at the city's lawnmowers or climbing the turnstile at the city pool (which is closed until summer). Other days he wants to swing for a really long time. Sometimes he wants to play in the rocks, and othertimes he wants to ride his back.

 

When I follow Henry's lead as much as I can, I find that he is happier and exudes general contentment. He is more willing to comply with my demands when his needs are met. When he starts to throw tantrums or melt-down, it's usually because he is tired or overstimulated.

 

I'm not suggesting that we completely sacrifice our own goals or agendas for those of our children. I believe that our families are systems and that each component of the system has to compromise in order to help the larger system function well.

 

The over-stimulating Saturday was a reminder for me, however, that children have different developmental needs and tolerances at different ages. I want to pay close attention to Henry's developmental needs and adjust our life/schedule as much as possible to support him as he integrates his personality.

 

I imagine this process of observing a child's needs and responding accordingly will get even trickier when we add a new baby into the mix. Although it's a little daunting to think about, I look forward to undertaking such a worthwhile challenge.   

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Baby Book Update

There are some things I did when Henry was a baby that I know I won't be able to maintain by the time we have a second child. However, there are a couple of things that are really important to me, such as creating a baby book that is just as robust as Henry's was. 

As a reminder, our plan for scrapbooking is as follows:

• Matt and I maintain an ongoing "Living, Growing Scrapbook" for our family
• We made a baby book for Henry to encapsulate the period leading up to his birth and his entire first year. After that, we only e-mail him photos and notes to a special e-mail account. We plan to pass down our family scrapbooks to our children, which is why I'm fine only making him a separate one for the first year of his life.

Sadly, we canceled our Spring Break vacation to Galveston. At first we were going to cancel it because the weather was not going to be so beach-friendly. At the last minute, we decided to go anyway to have an adventure as a family. The night before we left, Henry got sick and finalized our decision not to go. 

Instead, I used the time to catch up on a lot of projects, such as adding to our scrapbooks. Last year, I had to mail our family scrapbook to Voyageur Press (the publisher of A Priceless Wedding) for a photo shoot. I took out all of our post-wedding photos and temporarily stored them in Henry's baby book. 

When I finally got everything back and sorted in the right place, I realized that I had stopped adding to Henry's baby book around the 8th month and stopped adding to our family scrapbook around the 5th month! 

I spent an evening uploading photos to Snapfish. While I was at it, I wrote a letter to our second baby to tell him the story of how he came to be in our lives and what my pregnancy with him has been like. I've been writing him letters throughout the pregnancy, just like I did for Henry, but I also wanted to capture the complete story for him (like I did for Henry). This letter (plus accompanying photos of the pregnancy + the letters Matt and I have been writing all along) will form the start of the baby's book. While I was at it, I also uploaded photos for our family scrapbook. 

At the end of the process, I had uploaded 111 photos. I found a Snapfish coupon on retailmenot for 25% off plus free shipping. It brought the total down to a little over $8. Woo-hoo!

Just the other day, I read John and Sherry's recap of their yearly family yearbook. I love the idea of creating a slim, easily storable memento every year, and I started to regret our growing binder scrapbook. However, after flipping through our scrapbook again, I realized that I really like being able to add tangible items directly into our scrapbook, such as letters Matt and I write to each other for our anniversary, cards, invitations, etc., as well as being able to write next to certain pictures. Also, I think the process of uploading, printing, and taping photos into a scrapbook every couple months is more manageable for me than creating an entire book every year.

Going through the process also made me reflect on my process for storing photos in Picasa. The first year of Henry's life, I stored all of our photos by month. However, that process made it extremely difficult to locate specific photos unless I could remember exactly when they were taken. The next year, I lumped everything into a single folder for the year. Although it made it easy to upload photos for our scrapbook, it made it extremely difficult to scroll through and access individual photos during the year. This year, I'm going to go back to my old, old system of organizing folders by year and event. However, I'm going to keep them in order by adding a two-digit number right after the date. Here are some examples of folders we have already:

• 2013_01_Henry's Birthday
• 2013_02_Zoo Trip
• 2013_03_Food Truck

I think this system will make it easy to locate individual photos throughout the year and make it easy when it's time to upload for our scrapbook (since I can systematically go through each folder in order).

A couple other things I learned during the process:

• When we take photos, we need to get better about deleting the obviously bad ones before we even transfer them to the computer.
• When I upload photos from the camera to my computer, I need to delete the bad ones to reduce the time it takes to scroll through so many pictures.

I'm feeling good about being able to check things off my list of goals for the month! 

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How to Get Out Stains on Baby Clothes

I'm still hacking away at my to-do list for this month! I decided to organize Henry's baby clothes in preparation for our June (or July arrival).

We're lucky we even have any of his clothes. For the longest time, we thought we were only going to have one child. As a result, I gave away most of my maternity clothes, our Moby wrap, co-sleeper, etc. The only reason I saved all of his baby clothes was because I want to make a quilt out of them. I even saved the stained ones, since I only need a small piece from each one. 

Luckily my procrastination paid off in this instance. By the time I even thought about making the quilt, we had started thinking having another baby, so I held off on chopping up the clothes. 

Fast forward several months, and it was time to sort through the clothes. Several of them were badly stained, so I did a little Googling to figure out how to get them clean. After searching for the most non-toxic solution possible, I decided to go with harsher chemicals because I wanted a really effective and efficient result. I'm fine filling our second son's closet with hand-me-downs, but I at least want them to be stain-free.

Based on my experience*, here is what I would recommend for anyone trying to get stains out of colored garments:

• Fill a 5-gallon bucket with water and about 10 scoops of OxiClean.
• Submerge the clothes in the bucket, being careful not to overfill the bucket. It's better to give the clothes space to soak up the water.
• Leave the clothes in the bucket with the solution for as long as it takes for the stains to lift completely (it might take days--the clothes will be fine). 
• After the stains are gone, run the clothes through the washing machine several times to help yourself feel better about using such a harsh chemical on clothing that will be next to your baby's skin. 

*This process doesn't reflect my exact experience which involves a bit more trial-and-error. This process is what I will do next time!

Literally every single stain came out without damaging any of the brightness of the clothing. It worked on every piece--from gray shirts to spray-painted shirts to striped onesies.

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Using Space Flexibly

It's time to start planning the "nursery" (even though the room is currently comprised of wooden beams). I put the word "nursery" in quotes because it definitely won't just be a nursery.

When we first designed Henry's "nursery," we were living in a 2-bedroom, 1-bath, 1000-square foot bungalow. Because I loved the way the light came into his room each morning, we set up that room almost like a second living room with a couch (which folded out and became our guest quarters as necessary), a desk for crafting, Henry's floor bed (that doubled as a Montessori movement area with a mirror and a mobile), and a low shelf for toys. Henry and I spent many hours in that room in our early months together.

Our new house will have three bedrooms and two bathrooms and be 1,779 square feet. As I was standing in it the other day(!), I realized that the entryway actually has a ton of space. I realized that it can double as a crafting area when our boys are older and want their own bedrooms.

It's really liberating to look at a house through the lens of functionality and utility rather than tradition. I remember reading about a woman who turned her never-used dining room into an arts-and-crafts area. Even though we won't have a formal dining room in our new house, I hope that we apply the same principle to the design and organization of our space. Our homes should reflect--not define--our lives.

My mind is swirling with all the possibilities. Our plan (which is always subject to change when it involves a new baby!) is to co-sleep with the baby for the first two months (which, in Montessori philosophy, corresponds with the Symbiotic Period). During that time, we'll use our third bedroom for guests, crafts, and probably a secondary play space.

Now that we live in Austin, we seem to host many more guests. Also, Matt and I are planning to upgrade to a king-sized bed when we move, so we're thinking it would be nice to keep our queen-sized bed for guests (and sell the pull-out couch). It's hard for me to think about devoting all that space to a bed that doesn't get used all that often, but I know it's so much more comfortable for guests. If it would all fit, it would be great to have the queen-sized bed, a table for crafting, and the baby's floor bed. That way, post-partum guests would have a comfortable place to sleep (while the baby is sleeping with us), and the baby and I would have a secondary place to breastfeed and relax during the day when we're alone together.

Then, when the baby transitions to sleeping in his own room, he'll be comfortable with that space. He can sleep in there until we're able to successfully support him to sleep through the night (we'll start at four months and try to finish by six months, per our pediatrician's recommendation). When he sleeps through the night, we can move him into Henry's room and the third room can be used for crafts, office space, guests, and work. At that point, we may even occasionally rent out the room through airbnb to generate a little extra income. 

Years later, when the boys each want their own room, we can move the craft/office space into the entryway (and the boys can revert to sleeping together whenever guests come). Although I'm the kind of home decorator who likes to "set it and forget it," this kind of flexibility and fluidity comes with the territory when you have a growing family.

It will be interesting trying to accommodate Henry's needs and the new baby's needs in a relatively compact space. Depending upon how much space we have in our living room, I'd like to set up another Montessori movement area with a mirror, mat, and mobile for the new baby. We can use one of the shelves in our built-in bookcase for the baby's first toys. We can also set up a mobile above our bed, and the baby's floor bed (even though the latter is not recommended by Montessorians because the sleep area should be separate from the work area).

Even though our non-traditional "nursery" will not stand a chance at gracing the front page of Ohdeedoh, we can take solice in the fact that it will be exactly what our family needs!

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IKEA Karlstad Couch Hack

Photo courtesy of Honey Badger Home

Matt and I have known for a while that we want a big sectional couch in our new living room. For us, there's something about sectional couches that screams "comfort" and "family" and "relaxation." 

We started by pricing sectional couches at brick and mortar furniture stores in Austin and quickly realized 1) they were too expensive for us and/or 2) we didn't like most styles. Stores like Crate and Barrel, West Elm, and Pottery Barn are pretty much always too expensive for us (although we often like the styles). 

We quickly came to the conclusion that we needed to buy our next couch from IKEA (to replace the one I've had for 13 years). It helped that our internet mentors--John & Sherry--forged the path before us and also settled on the Karlstad IKEA sectional. 

And then the debate about the legs began. Matt was fine with the chunky block legs (as long as we stained them); I preferred the sleeker metal legs because I like a more tapered look. But at the end of the day, neither of us was very happy with either option. 

When I'm impatient about waiting for our house to be built, I try to channel my impatience into designing the interior. I kept googling "mid century modern couch legs," and even found some. But I had no idea if they would hold up an entire couch. 

And then I searched "Karlstad mid century modern" and stumbled upon a whole host of amazing people who have blazed this trail already (what did we ever do without the internet?). Unfortunately, many of them had skills (and power tools) superior to our own. 

And then I waded through the comments section and learned about Uncle Bob's Workshop and thirteencolonies on Etsy, both of whom make mid century replacement legs for the Karlstad. They literally screw in--no tools required.

Oh, joy! For approximately $70 more than we would have spent on the metal legs from IKEA, we can now transform our couch into a mid century masterpiece (or at least something that we like looking at). We ordered 12 unfinished legs so we can stain them ourselves. And along the way, Matt and I learned that we really like the look of tufted cushions, so we're going to investigate inexpensive upholstering options.

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Henry's Baby Doll

 Image courtesy The Cinnamon Bears

While I was minoring in Women & Gender Studies in college, I was really committed to the idea that we should give little boys dolls to play with to help them cultivate their compassion and care. I remember giving my little brother a doll for Christmas.

Now here I am a decade and a half later with a two year-old boy and no dolls in sight! Honestly, I think there still might be no dolls in sight if we had a little girl (although we would have probably received several as gifts by this point). I think it has more to do with the emphasis on more realistic and concrete play and experiences around our house. 

But now that a new baby is on the way, I want Henry to have a baby of his own. We'll try to allow him to help with the baby as much as possible, but when it's not possible, it seems like a doll might be a good outlet for him. 

I did a search on Etsy and found this seller who will custom make dolls for only $28. What a deal! I thought about tackling the project myself, but when I thought about purchasing the materials, learning how to make the doll, and then actually making it, I decided I would much rather support an independent crafter do what she does well. 

I also asked her if she could use a piece of Henry's old clothing for the doll's clothing, and she agreed! I'm going to mail her a pair of his old pajamas. We actually have two sets of them, so one will get turned into a doll and the other will be worn by his baby brother. 

I can't decide if we should give him the doll before the baby arrives to foster more conversations and more practice about how to be careful with a baby or if we should wait and give it to him as a present when the baby arrives. What are your thoughts?

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Handmade Goodness for Baby

The other night, Henry did something that melted my heart. We had a friend over for SXSW, so the noise in the living room woke Henry up around 11pm. I went into his room and asked him if he wanted some water. He said yes, got up, walked over to his bookshelf, drank some water, set his glass down, picked up the framed ultrasound picture of his brother, gave it a wet kiss, set it down, asked for a hug and kiss from me, went back over to his bed, and fell asleep. 

I keep trying to tell him that the baby won't be able to do much at first, but he's still really excited about his arrival. Last weekend we finally got around to finishing the baby's blanket. We cut the pieces for it a while ago, but we finally sewed them together. It's really cute to hear the pride in Henry's voice when he says, "I made it." 

The other thing I made for Henry that I also want to make for the new baby is a pillow for his bed. I made this house pillow to go with Henry's cityscape sheet. This time, I'm thinking about making a bolster pillow like the one featured above via Spoonflower. 

It would just be large enough to stretch across the width of his crib mattress floor bed. A quick search of the IKEA website reveals that they have this pillow:

It's 24 inches long, which will be just about right for the mattress which is about 28 inches long.

Here are the baby's sheets:

I'm thinking about these two fabrics from SewMamaSew for the pillow:

 

I'll probably work on Henry's duvet cover first and then see how much energy I have left over for another sewing project.

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