Early "Potty" Toilet Training

Before Henry was born, I read this post about Elimination Communication and decided to give it a try. I skimmed Diaper Free and Elimination Communication websites and learned that you basically come up with two different sounds to make when your child pees and when your child poops. Then, you pay close attention to your child to figure out the small signals they give off when they are about to pee or poop. When you notice the cues, you quickly take off their diaper, hold them over a toilet, and make the sounds.

We tried to do this from birth, but we quickly realized that it was way too traumatic for Henry. The process of whipping off his diaper and urgently moving toward the toilet was too frightening, so we promptly stopped.

But recently, we've been trying again, with much greater success. My Montessori teacher explained that at about six weeks, she starts siting her children on a child-sized toilet after every diaper change, as a way to help them associate the toilet with what goes on in their diapers. She also recommends holding them over the toilet during common times, like before a bath, first thing in the morning, and after nursing. Soon enough, you'll start "catching" pees and poops.

We've definitely caught some pee and poop, although the ratio is still very low. It's a work in progress!

And, as a side note, we use the word "toilet" instead of "potty" because we try to use real words as often as possible as we help Henry build his vocabulary.

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NPR: Local Natives Tiny Desk Concert

I can't stop listening to this NPR Tiny Desk Concert with Local Natives. The last song (there are three total) is my absolute favorite.

Happy Wednesday, Everyone!

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Essential Montessori Infant Products

Henry's whale mobile (from his nursery tour)

A friend of mine from my pre-natal yoga class asked me what baby products are useful when trying to implement the Montessori philosophy at home with an infant. After I spent way too long replying to the e-mail (I should have just picked up the phone!), I realized that I should also write a post about it.

We've only been implementing Montessori for eights weeks with Henry, but here's a list of things that have been really useful to us:

1. A movement mat: Henry spends a lot of his awake time on his movement mat, looking at mobiles, looking at his black and white accordion book, or wriggling around on his stomach. Ideally, you would have one of these mats set up in every room you spend time in with the baby. Because our bungalow is so tiny, we use the IKEA crib mattress in his bedroom (where we spend much of the day) and then we have a portable movement mat made out of foam and a cotton cover (which I had made by a local seamstress). In a Montessori environment, movement mats take the place of many other baby products on the market, like infant seats, swings, play pens, etc.
2. A mirror: Babies love to see other babies (even if that "other baby" is actually themselves!). Attaching a long mirror on its side along the wall next to the movement mat gives babies endless entertainment and allows them to see the room from a different perspective.
3. Simple mobiles: Mobiles are an integral part of an infant's early development. They help babies develop visual discrimination and tracking, as well as focus and concentration. Since babies have "absorbent minds" and take in so much from their surroundings, Montessorians believe it's important to keep mobiles simple. Henry loves his high contrast whale mobile, his butterfly mobile, the black and white cards I hang from his metal clip mobile, the black and white images hanging from his wooden arch, and his Gobbi mobile. We also have a wooden ring when he's ready for it. The mobiles are all "simple" in the sense that they move with the air currents (rather than any mechanical mechanisms), they do not produce any sounds, and they only have 3-5 elements.
   
4. Rattles: Once babies have more control of their hands, we introduce rattles. Henry has a variety of rattles--all made from natural materials like wood. We purchased most of them from Etsy. He's not ready for them yet, but they are still out on his shelf. In a Montessori environment, you include the things they are currently working on, as well as the next materials to pique interest and build motivation.
   
5. Child-sized toilet: Montessorians start toilet training early by simply associating the toilet with diaper changes (I'll write another post about the process later!). We use this toilet with Henry, and it seems to be the perfect size for his little body.
6. Cloth diapers: Montessorians prefer cloth diapers because they make toilet training easier. The idea is that children are more motivated to learn how to use the toilet when they can feel the wetness against their skin. Because the chemicals in disposable diapers do such a good job of wicking away wetness, children feel dry, even if the diaper is full of urine. Henry uses organic, all-in-one cloth diapers.

We use lots of other things on a daily basis, which you can check out on our registry, but these six are the most relevant to the Montessori approach.

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Book Club: Chapter One

I'm so glad we're doing this together! A little community of accountability. I started to read this book six years ago, and the chapters that I read truly revolutionized my life. But, for some reason, I never got around to finishing it (which is the opposite of being a highly effective person!).

Perhaps I should pose some questions to make this a bona fide book club?

Let me see:

1. Which ideas from the chapter resonated with you?
2. Did you disagree with anything?
3. How will your life be different now that you've read this chapter? In other words, what are you specific action steps that you generated from reading this chapter?

And here's my personal reflection (please leave yours in the comments!):

I love the idea of "inside-out." I think it's another way of expressing the concept of "feeding the soil." In other words, we should focus on cultivating healthy, fertile soil in our lives, and then good things will grow. I believe this in so many ways. For example, I believe Covey's argument that "if you want the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primary greatness of character." In terms of the work I do as an educator, I believe that if we focus on providing a solid and rich learning environment for our children, then they will do well on the state tests (as opposed to focusing exclusively doing "test prep" to prepare students). And in gardening, I do believe that you should invest in good soil as a foundation for healthy plants. In terms of our physical health, I believe that good nutrition, hydration, physical activity, and rest are the foundation for optimal functioning. Etc., etc., etc. The foundation matters; the inputs affect the outputs.

I found Covey's brief analysis of the "character" versus the "personality" ethic to be very interesting and in line with trends I've observed in society, but I like how he identified the continuum of development as dependence-->;independence-->;interdependence. I think a lot of the character ethic literature focuses too much on independence. I like that Covey cites "interdependence" as the goal.

In terms of relevant quotes related to those ideas that resonated with me:

1. "There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right living."--David Starr Jordan
2. "Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life."--Psalms
3. "What you are shouts so loudly in my ears, I cannot hear what you say."--Emerson

I'm eager to work on my character as the first step toward becoming an effective leader. Of course, good character isn't just something you achieve and then move on to something new. It's something that has to be maintained day in and day out, situation after situation.

I have had bosses in the past who have tried to cover their mistakes with deception or by blaming someone else. As soon as I realize what's happening, I lose trust in those people. I think it is so, so important to live with integrity and to apologize for the mistakes we make. It's inevitable that we will make mistakes--everyone does. But the difference between an effective leader and an ineffective one is that the effective leader admits and apologizes for those mistakes.

I also liked the idea that "most of us know the truth of what we really are inside." I feel like I'm often my best version of myself, only when others are looking. For example, I was cleaning out the fridge yesterday, and we had a little bit of lettuce that needed to be disposed of. If someone had been there, I would have composted the lettuce. Since no one was watching, I instead just threw the lettuce in the trash because it was easier. (Of course I then had a whole conversation with myself about how I need to be my best self for myself and not just for others, so I took the lettuce out of the trash and instead composted it.)

I found the section about paradigms and assumptions to be interesting, too. Covey says, "We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be." It left me wondering what my assumptions are, as well as how my paradigm limits my ability to see the world. I know I have a tendency to see the world in a very "black and white" way. I'm compelled by Covey's idea that if we want to change a situation, we often have to start by changing ourselves. And if we want to change ourselves, we often have to start by changing our perceptions.

Right now, I'm not sure which of my perceptions I need to change. I guess I should think first about which situation I want to change. Since I can't really think of a situation I want to change, I will try to keep this framework in the back of my mind for when I do want to change something: perspective-->self-->situation.

How My Life Will Be Different / Next Steps

• Create a page of quotes and ideas that I reference often (so all this self-help stuff doesn't go in one ear and out the other). I can slip it in the back cover of my Life Binder (which is the binder I carry with me everywhere)
  
• Be my best self, even when no one is looking
• Pay attention to my tendency to see the world in a "black and white" way and actively try to see the gray

I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Let's talk about the next two chapters next Monday (May 2): The Seven Habits--An Overview and Be Proactive.

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Etsy Find

I fell in love with this image of basket containers via Martha Stewart and then later that day I saw this basket on the front page off Etsy for $12.50. I snatched it up with my allowance money. But later, when I showed the photo to Matt, he said he really liked it and he was fine if we used our joint funds to buy it. Woo-hoo!

There are a few parts of our house that need work. Every time I pass by them, they bother me, and yet I haven't yet done anything about them. Argh! As I said a while ago, it often only takes 15 minutes to turn my aggravation into appreciation, and yet I somehow don't set aside the time to just do it.

Perhaps if I make a very specific list about what I want to fix:

• I want to get everything that's on top of our kitchen cupboards out of sight. It looks so cluttered!
• I want to do something with the IKEA chair in our living room. I want to keep it, but it simply doesn't fit in our current house. Maybe I could find a friend to borrow it indefinitely until we move into a bigger house...
• We need a new rug in our living room. It's stained and the corner folds up. Argh!
• We need to go through our bookshelves again and purge, purge, purge! Then we need to "style" our bookshelves with some interesting objects.
• We need to get some shallow tupperware that slides under our bed. That way, Matt can store stuff under his side of the bed instead of letting it accumulate on the bedside table.
  
• We need to deflate the birthing ball and get it out of our dining room. Aaaahhhh!
  
• We need to get new dishes and glasses.
• I need to replace two of the plants that are not growing well in our house.
• We need to get our gift card situation under control. We still have one from our wedding nearly three years ago. Plus, we just got a ton for Henry.
• We need to take down the porch lights that don't work.
• We need to find a tray for the coffee table.
• I need to recover one of our chairs.
• We need new pillows for our couch.
  

Okay. Having the list makes me feel better. The beast feels conquerable!

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How to Get a Baby Passport

Yes, we are getting Henry a baby passport. No, we don't actually have an out-of-country trip on the horizon.

Then why the passport? Well, they can take so long to get. By the time we actually plan a trip, we might not have enough time to get one.

Here's how to do it:

1. Find a place that will take baby passport photos: Definitely call ahead! I called ahead and still had problems. When I called the Walgreens photo department, they confirmed that they do take babies' passport photos. When I actually showed up to hold them to their promise, it was another story. The teenage photo clerk took one look at Henry and said, "Oh, no, he's too young." Since I am a struggling new mother and getting my baby out and about is an accomplishment all by itself, I was not going to leave without the photos. It turned into quite the ordeal. I had to kneel on the tile ground in my skirt and hold my massively dense baby (remember he was 9.4 at birth!) above my head, which--of course--caused him to look down at me rather than straight ahead at the camera. I kept asking the clerk to talk to him to get him to look at the camera, but the clerk apparently didn't want to talk to my baby. He just kept saying, "This isn't working." I kept saying, "We're going to make it work!" Two female clerks got involved and started coaching the guy, "Click it now! He's looking!" And of course the dude's camera battery ran out, right when Henry decided to look at him. Once the batteries got changed, I asked the female clerk to hold Henry so I could talk to Henry. Then I started taking the photos myself. When we finally got one stinkin' photo uploaded into the computer, the clerk said, "Oh, this won't work. Your hands are showing in the picture." Argh! We had to go through the whole ordeal again. I recommend that you dress your baby in a shirt or a dress--rather than a onesie, so that your hands can slide under their clothes and out of sight.
2. Find a place that accepts passport applications and make an appointment, if necessary: You can go to this website and enter in your zipcode to find locations nearest you. Also, some of these places actually take passport photos, too (although, in my experience, they were more expensive than Walgreens). Keep in mind that both parents have to be present.
   
3. Drop off your application: Bring your photos, drivers' licenses, and the baby's birth certificate. Voila!
   

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To Every Mother Who Didn't Overwhelmingly Love Her Baby Right Away

What a title, huh?

I have to confess that I didn't feel overwhelming love for my baby right away. When my bonus father (i.e., my father-in-law) asked Matt, "Could you ever imagine yourself loving someone so much?" right after Henry was born, I was just thankful that he hadn't asked me. I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want to seem like a bad, indifferent mother.

I didn't beat myself up (literally or figuratively) about the fact that I didn't feel overwhelming love for my son when he first entered the world. I know that I can't control my emotional reactions to things; I can only control my actions in response to those emotions.

So I acted as if I loved my son more than anything when he first arrived. I doted on him and treated him gently and talked to him and rubbed his back and breastfed him (a lot!) and cuddled with him and smiled at him. But inside, he felt a little like a stranger to me.

That's the thing. I did love my son--when he was growing inside me. I spent nine months getting to know and love(!) "Coconut."

But then when he came out, he didn't feel like the same person. And I had to tell myself that it was okay; I would just have to get reacquainted with my son as he really is--instead of who I thought he was. I also had to give myself time to heal from our 45 hours of labor. I also needed to adjust to the stark difference between my old life and my new life.

It didn't take long for my love for Henry to grow (kind of like the beautiful weed outside our dining room window that grows faster than anything I've ever seen and now towers over our house).

Each passing day gets easier and easier. We've created a beautiful daily rhythm together, breast feeding has finally gotten easier and less tender, Henry smiles, and I feel honored to help my son reach his inner potential day in and day out.

Even as I write and reread this post, I cringe at the thought of admitting all of this to the wide, wide world. Are you going to think I'm a horrible mother who's not worth of the honor of raising a child?

But the best I can do is be honest and speak about the dark parts. There might be someone else out there who felt the same way (or will feel the same way in the future), and these words might help them to not feel so alone.

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