Book Review: Heading Home with Your Newborn

Many, many months ago, I read Cate's amazing birth story on Project Subrosa. When she got to the end, she described sitting on the couch with her partner and their new baby. In that moment, I realized that I had thought a lot about conception, pregnancy, and birth, but I had never thought much about the "happily ever after," about what you actually do when the baby finally joins your family.

In that moment, I made a decision to try and stay one step ahead in my learning. For example, I tried to read a little about pregnancy while I was trying to conceive. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm trying to read about caring for an infant.

I know my habit of reading books and seeking advice from others makes many of you think that I lack confidence in my ability as a mother. Last week, I was accused of harboring "an obsession to be perfect and live up to others' expectations." The advice was that I should "take a rest from all the 'resources' and just be [me]." But honestly, this is exactly who I am. I love learning as much as I can from books and websites and then filtering it all through my own critical lens in order to formulate an approach that makes sense to me. It's not that I don't trust myself to be a good mother or that I think the "experts" have all the answers. It's simply that I want to be the best mother that I can be and, for me, that means I want to approach motherhood with intention and learn as much as I can and prepare as much as I can (knowing full well that the preparation I'm doing through books and websites is only the tip of the iceberg and the rest will be revealed through actually doing). Reading more and talking with others makes me more confident and more relaxed about heading into the unknown.

I am having so much fun gobbling up books that help me think through and anticipate the changes that are in store for us. I don't feel pressure to be "perfect." I don't even believe that such a word could ever be used to describe a parent. I definitely don't feel pressure to live up to others' expectations. I don't even feel internal pressure to do more or read more. I've simply created a lot of space in my life for pregnancy (by eliminating other commitments), and I'm using that time to relax in my bed and read.

A friend of mine recommended the book Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality, and I found it to be very useful. It goes over the basics of caring for an infant.

Here's some of what I learned:

• In the first 2-5 days when a breastfeeding baby is drinking colostrum, it's normal for a baby to urinate only 2-3 times per day. After that, a more normal frequency is about 8-10 times per day.
• A baby's first poops are thick, tarry, and black. Then they shift to pasty brown and then to mustardy yellow and seedy.
  
• Red, black, or white poop can indicate a problem, so can bowel movements that become progressively more watery or outpaces the feeding frequency.
• A normal frequency is once every several days to several poops a day.
  
• To prevent gas, you should try to feed an infant before they start screaming for food. You should also try to feed a baby with their head higher than their stomach. When using a bottle, you should let milk fill the entire nipple, and you should keep the baby upright for a few minutes after feeding and before burping.
• To help relieve a gaseous baby, you can put it on its back and bicycle pump its legs.
  
• Newborns sleep about 16 hours/day. At 6 months, they sleep about 14 hours per day. At a year, they still sleep about 14 hours a day.
• Babies generally don't have tears for the first month.
• It's important to fold diapers down and off of the umbilical cord stump while it's healing.
  
• Cords can take about 2-4 weeks to heal and it's best to sponge bathe babies before then.
• Baby girls may have bloody vaginal discharge or their nipples may discharge a white substance, both of which are normal reactions to hormones.
• In the first few months, if a baby has a fever you should call the doctor. A fever is anything over 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit. From birth to three months, it is best to use a rectal thermometer. Directions for doing so are on page 256.
• Common breastfeeding holds include: cradle, football, and side-by-side or lying down.
• Once a baby has latched on, you should relax your grip on its head to allow it to adjust itself as necessary.
• A baby uses its tongue to lap or massage milk out of the breast. Therefore, the tongue needs to be positioned under the breast in such a way that the baby can draw the nipple and the darker colored area around it into its mouth as it sucks.
  
• You can gently express a few drops of breast milk onto and around your nipple to help the baby hone in on its intended target.
• To interest your baby in opening its mouth, you can lightly stroke its cheek just to the side of its mouth.
• If a baby doesn't open wide enough, you can gently push down its chin.
• Don't be fooled into thinking that any latching on is better than none. If the baby didn't open up wide enough, it seem to have only gotten the nipple in its mouth, or it continues to hurt when the baby sucks, take the baby off and try again. You can put your finger in its mouth to break the seal.
  
• Mild irritation or discomfort that occurs only at the start of each feeding is generally associated with the newness of nursing. Nipple pain that persists or gets worse as your baby nurses is more likely to be a sign that the baby is not latched on correctly and is often accompanied by cracked or blistered nipples.
• Let your nipples dry before putting your bra/shirt back on to help prevent yeast infections.
  
• Uterine cramping during breastfeeding is normal and actually decreases the likelihood of uterine bleeding and shortens the amount of time it takes your uterus to shrink back down to its pre-pregnancy size.
• The change from producing colostrum to transitional milk can take place over a couple hours or a day or two. It typically occurs anywhere from 2-5 days after the birth of the baby. To support the production of milk, it's important to keep up with fluid intake, ensure the baby latches on properly, and nurse frequently.
  
• The best two ways to manage engorgement are to wear a supportive bra and to express a little milk whenever necessary to relieve the pain (being careful not to express so much that the body starts producing more). Using a warm compress, expressing milk, and feeding the baby more frequently may help relieve the symptoms.
• To ensure the baby doesn't become dehydrated before your body reaches full milk production, it's recommended that you nurse more frequently during the day (at least every 2-3 hours, but more often if the baby is ready/willing/able) and less frequently at night (4-5 hours at the most, if the baby will sleep that long). When tracking the time between feedings, it's customary to use the time from the start of the first feeding to the start of the next.
• If a newborn decides to skip two or more feedings, consult the baby's doctor.
• Newborns are expected to lose as much as 10% of their birth weight in the week or two after birth. On average, they should gain it back by two weeks of age.
• Resist the urge to follow a schedule for feeding during the first several weeks of your baby's life. It helps establish good breast feeding habits.

You can download a printer version, if you're interested.

The book gave a really good overview of what to expect and what to worry about. It was a quick, easy read and a good start for formulating some ideas about what to expect.

My midwife recommended a much thicker overview of raising an infant, entitled, The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age to Two. I'll probably skim that book in the next few weeks. Luckily, she gave me my own copy, so I can keep it around as a reference guide for many years.

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