A Breastfeeding Retrospective

I always knew that I wanted to breastfeed Henry, if it was possible. Of course there are the health benefits (both for the mother and the baby), but I honestly skipped over most of those chapters in my pregnancy, birth, and breast feeding books because I didn't need convincing. Breastfeeding just felt like one of the most natural, simple, and pure processes imaginable.

Although I still think it's one of the most natural, simple, and pure processes around, I also understand the less romantic aspects of it, too.

While I was pregnant, I did a lot of research about breastfeeding. I read books, rented DVDs, went to classes, attended a La Leche League meeting and took lessons from my friends (yes, for real). I still feel like all of that research gave me a solid foundation. And, honestly, I wish I would have done a little more (for example, I didn't learn anything about pumping or storing breast milk). I learned all about the importance of the latch, different holds, possible complications, etc.

Breastfeeding got off to a great start, once we got home from the hospital (after I transferred during my home birth) and my milk came in. I didn't have any engorgement or nipple tenderness. A week later, I was counting my lucky stars that my nipples still weren't tender. My midwife kept saying that if I could make it past the first week, I would be set.

However, at about the week mark, I started having difficulty. First, it was a plugged duct that I had to prevent from turning into mastitis. Then it was extreme nipple tenderness. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep Henry's mouth open and wide; he just wanted to suck on the very tip. Every time I would break the suction and re-latch him, I would be subjected to shooting pain that came at the start of every latch. To make matters worse, Henry wanted to eat for looooooong stretches of time. One day, he ate for a total of nine hours. Because I needed both hands (one to keep his chin down and the other to keep him close), I basically couldn't do anything except watch movies on Netflix (since we don't have a TV). I did try listening to an audio book, but it was boring and I didn't bother getting a different one. In the middle of the night, I needed to turn a light on to see what I was doing. The first week or two, I had to wake Matt up to help me get Henry latched on.

And my nipples were sore all the time. Drying off with a towel or putting on a bra was no fun at all. I kept asking the women from my prenatal yoga class, "When does the pain with latching go away? When will my nipples stop being so sore?" They said 3-4 weeks.

Well, 3-4 weeks came and went and I watched breast feeding get easier and easier for my friends. I had to use My Brest Friend religiously to position Henry right, and I still needed two hands (I prefer this pillow to the Boppy because it can latch behind your back and stay in place more easily; it just depends on personal preference.). They had one hand (or both!) free and looked as comfortable as could be. I finally switched from cloth breast pads to disposable ones, which definitely felt better on my sore nipples.

I went back to the hospital to visit the lactation consultant again. She answered some of my questions and gave me some advice (like just put lanolin on the protruding part of the nipple, not on the entire areola, so that the baby's mouth doesn't slip). I continued to get plugged ducts left and right.

I remember crying a lot. I really wanted to continue breastfeeding, but it felt like so much struggle and sacrifice. I was the only one who could feed Henry in the night (since I hated pumping). Matt couldn't do anything to relieve me of the constant responsibility of feeding my son eight times a day. Thankfully, I persevered to the 6-week mark when things got a lot better. My soreness decreased and the positioning got easier.

At three months, things really got better. Henry suddenly started eating much, much faster, and I was able to free up one of my hands. I stopped having to lug My Brest Friend around with me everywhere.

Now, I'm so, so thankful I persevered through the difficult times. They seem so distant. Even trying to write this post is a struggle because my mind is blurring out the difficult details.

In terms of some practical issues, I still highly recommend this bra. If I had known about it earlier, I would have worn it through my pregnancy (especially because the sizes are only S, M, L, and XL). As far as nursing tops go, I decided not to spend any money on specialized clothing. I tried to stick to tops that could be unbuttoned. I used this shield to cover up in public (which was hot and annoying but sometimes necessary).

Now that I'm more comfortable with everything, it's much easier to breastfeed in public by nestling into a chair and lifting up my shirt. I wish I loved nursing tanks, so that my stomach would be covered, but I find that Henry's body does a decent job of keeping me shielded. Nursing tanks just don't feel comfortable to me.

Despite the difficulties I've had (though not as many difficulties as others), I'm so thankful for my ability to nourish my son. It's amazing to see another human grow and thrive, simply by feasting on something your own body produces.

In the hard moments, I try to remember these things:

• My midwife said that babies are growing and changing so much in those first few weeks. Even if something is hard, it is likely to change very quickly as the baby matures (which has been true of Henry's latch and his sensitivity to cow's milk protein in my body).
  
• Before I know it, Henry is going to be driving a car. These days go so fast, and I should try my very best to savor them and focus on the positive.
  

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