My Love/Hate Relationship with Running
Dear Running,
I hate you and I love you. It's as simple as that. When we started our relationship over nine years ago, you opened me up to new possibilities. You showed me that changing my daily habits can actually change my identity. By showing up to the park five times a week and making the trek around the three-mile loop, I became A Runner. I felt healthier, stronger, less stressed, and more proud of myself. I lost weight, built muscle tone, and eventually got comfortable running in just a sports bra. (I gasp just thinking about that now!).
But there was always the underside of our relationship. I always had to force myself to spend time with you. I have never been the kind of person who exercises for fun. Once I'm done and on my way home, then I think, "Oh, that was good," but I never actually looked forward to spending time with you.
Before I even knew I was pregnant, I started feeling uncomfortable running. When I finally took a pregnancy test and my midwife said it would be better to walk than run every day, I latched onto that excuse for dear life. It was much easier to motivate myself to walk. Walking is easy. It's relaxing. I don't have to look at my watch or push myself "to just make it to the next signpost."
What a glorious nine months! After Henry was born and the midwife said that breastfeeding was hard on the joints (for hormonal reasons, I think), those nine months stretched out to a year and a half.
But now I'm slowly making my way back to you. It's so hard! When I have my precious free time, I want to savor it, sink into it, enjoy it--not make myself gasp for air. But I'm doing it. I know you're good for me. You make me better. You make me happier (after I'm finished).
It makes me self-conscious to be out there among all those fit Austinites as they speed along the lake. My body has changed since we've been apart. I feel like everything jiggles up and down more than I move forward. I get passed by everyone. My leg muscles and abdomen muscles (which, by the way, don't feel like they're where they used to be) scream at me when I get home.
But that's okay. We're back at the beginning with our relationship. Time and distance can do that. We'll get there again, one foot forward at a time.
I hate you and I love you. It's as simple as that. When we started our relationship over nine years ago, you opened me up to new possibilities. You showed me that changing my daily habits can actually change my identity. By showing up to the park five times a week and making the trek around the three-mile loop, I became A Runner. I felt healthier, stronger, less stressed, and more proud of myself. I lost weight, built muscle tone, and eventually got comfortable running in just a sports bra. (I gasp just thinking about that now!).
But there was always the underside of our relationship. I always had to force myself to spend time with you. I have never been the kind of person who exercises for fun. Once I'm done and on my way home, then I think, "Oh, that was good," but I never actually looked forward to spending time with you.
Before I even knew I was pregnant, I started feeling uncomfortable running. When I finally took a pregnancy test and my midwife said it would be better to walk than run every day, I latched onto that excuse for dear life. It was much easier to motivate myself to walk. Walking is easy. It's relaxing. I don't have to look at my watch or push myself "to just make it to the next signpost."
What a glorious nine months! After Henry was born and the midwife said that breastfeeding was hard on the joints (for hormonal reasons, I think), those nine months stretched out to a year and a half.
But now I'm slowly making my way back to you. It's so hard! When I have my precious free time, I want to savor it, sink into it, enjoy it--not make myself gasp for air. But I'm doing it. I know you're good for me. You make me better. You make me happier (after I'm finished).
It makes me self-conscious to be out there among all those fit Austinites as they speed along the lake. My body has changed since we've been apart. I feel like everything jiggles up and down more than I move forward. I get passed by everyone. My leg muscles and abdomen muscles (which, by the way, don't feel like they're where they used to be) scream at me when I get home.
But that's okay. We're back at the beginning with our relationship. Time and distance can do that. We'll get there again, one foot forward at a time.
-------------------
Today on 2000 Dollar Wedding: Do you have any habits that hurt your marriage?
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10 comments:
i felt this same way about running, sara. i highly recommend reading "born to run" - it changed my attitude towards running. still not a marathoner by any means, but i'm learning to keep relaxed and take pleasure in running now.
I love running, but I've been saddled with various limb injuries for the last 4 years. Every time I start out again, at some pace closer to 13 min/mile than the 8 I used to run, I feel exactly like what you described here. It is particularly painful to lumber along in Central Park watching beautifully athletic people running a "casual" 6 min/mile pace.
After a serious sprain last Summer, I restarted my running program again in December. The book Chi Running helped me rethink my posture, which seems to have staved off injuries. Everyone I know that has read Born to Run says it made them want to jump out of bed and hit the track first thing in the morning.
I think my tendency to injure myself while running is rooted in my looking at those 6 min/milers, feeling inadequate and thinking "that is the goal. Faster=better and faster+sooner = best". This time, I've shifted my attitude from "I must be this fast, and run this far" to "I will take whatever my legs are willing to give me". So, I run slow. I stop when it hurts, give myself breaks and I thank my legs for giving me another day of running.
I don't like running. It feels wrong, until all of a sudden it doesn't....but I do it anyway, like a bad relationship, because when its good, it is awesome.
That said: an iPod or such, the Zombies, RUN! app makes it more fun. So does my dog, who looks sadly at me if I walk and helps me uphill....
You don't have to run...
Do a workout video, go hiking, go swimming, take an aerobics/dance class, join a sports team or anything you actually enjoy doing. Everyone doesn't have to strive to be a marathoner.
I MISS MEMORIAL PARK and the body I had when I ran in just a sports bra! :) Well, I like that the body is now functional with my kick-ass C section scars ("battle wounds") and working breasts. ;)
Hi, Carrie! I remember when you had a stockpile of all those freezer meals.
Sara, are you referring to the Lean Cuisines I used to eat in Houston, or the "freezer meals" for my baby (frozen milk)? Because I have both! :)
Yes, the Lean Cuisines! I never saw your milk stash.
My milk stash is my greatest achievement in life (besides my kids!). I'm donating breastmilk to an adopted baby today again. I just realized I've donate 5.16 gallons to her so far! Moo!
*donated*
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