Possible Miscarriage?

The subject of this post has nothing to do with why I've been MIA for the past few days. The reason I've been so quiet on this here blog is that I volunteered to evaluate charter applications for the state. Last year, they only gave me three to score; this year, I had to do six. Each one is between 250 and 500 pages. 

So between reading applications, working, getting Magnolia Montessori For All up and running, and watching TV at the end of the day because I'm too mentally exhausted to do anything else, I haven't had much time for Feeding the Soil. 

I've missed you!

I owe you some pregnancy-related updates. First, I've started having itching in my palms and feet again, which is a sign of choleostasis. Choleostasis is a pregnancy-related disease that causes liver malfunctioning. It usually happens in the third trimester, and it's a very serious thing. It often involves induction to prevent stillbirth. 

It affects less than one percent of Americans (it's more common in Scandinavian countries), but the recurrence rate in second pregnancies is very high. I got it with Henry in the third trimester, and it caused a lot of stress as we tried to make decisions that would be best for Henry. 

So I'm 11 weeks pregnant, and the itching is already starting. I got worried very fast because there is no cure for choleostasis and the treatment usually involves medicine that may or may not be harmful to fetuses. The best way for me to assuage worry is to develop an action plan. So, at 2:30am one morning, I decided to:

1. Hurry and commit to a midwife, so I could go to my first prenatal visit and talk about this issue (we interviewed two different candidates but hadn't decided on one)
2. Schedule an acupuncture appointment to try and stimulate proper liver functioning
3. Send an e-mail to a local nutritionist to figure out the best way to ease up on my liver through diet (although I subsequently had to rule out this option because she costs $200)
4. Purchase this book about a healthy liver diet

At our midwife appointment, the midwife could not hear the baby's heartbeat. Although the uterus is sometimes tipped back and therefore obstructs one's ability to hear the heartbeat, it's not very common to not be able to hear the heartbeat at 11 weeks.  

When I thought about it a little more, I realized that some of my first trimester symptoms have been waning. At first I thought it was because I was moving out of the first trimester. Upon second thought, however, I realize that it could also be because of a miscarriage. For those of you who are new to this blog, I also had a miscarriage scare with Henry.

So I cried and then formulated my next action steps:

• Go get a blood test to measure my pregnancy hormone levels
• Get my bile acids checked to investigate the choleostasis situation a little more

I'm still going to acupuncture tomorrow. Wish me luck! I know the needles are hair-thin, but still. They're needles! In my body! 

When I start to get sad about everything that's happening right now, I remind myself that I can't control the outputs. I've done my very best with the inputs. I prepared my body for conception. I get rest and well-balanced nutrition. I take my prenatal vitamins religiously.

The most important things in life can't be controlled. We can't control when we're going to meet the person we want to commit to forever. We can't control when we get pregnant or when our loved ones pass away. 

It is what it is. The best I can do is make space for my feelings and then take healthy action steps forward. I still feel like the baby is alive, so I'm optimistic that it's going to work out. My optimism is going to make everything harder if it turns out that it's not okay.

I hope all is well with you...

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