Dealing with Sadness
I've been experiencing sadness lately. I think part of it comes from all the pregnancy hormones. I think the other part of it comes from not getting all of my needs met. The last time I wrote out what I need on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly basis, here's what I came up with:
Daily:
- Eight hours of sleep (Still important! I'm basically getting this need met, plus a 1.5-hour nap every day)
- Healthy meals (Yes, when my first-trimester stomach can handle it.)
- Plenty of water (Sadly, no; I need to step up my game!)
- Quality time with my family (Yes!)
- Time outside (Yes!)
- Meaningful and productive work with inspiring and engaging colleagues (Yes!)
- Time on my computer (Yes!)
Weekly:
- Exercise at least four times a week (Hm...not consistently. I have a plan; I just haven't been following through with it.)
- Time to myself (Yes.)
- Conversations with extended family and friends (Yes.)
Monthly:
- Time to create something (I have not prioritized this one.)
- A quirky and interesting event on our calendar (Not necessarily)
- A date night with Matt (Nope)
Yearly:
- A big vacation (Nope--can't afford it.)
- A couple self-development endeavors (conferences, retreats, etc.) (Nope--also can't afford it.)
Going through that list was really helpful. It seems that I'm actually getting a lot of my smaller needs met on a daily and weekly basis; I'm just struggling with the bigger needs. I think it's the bigger things (creating something, doing interesting things, traveling places, going on dates, etc.) that help me feel most like myself.
So what is holding me back from doing the bigger things? How come I'm not crafting? Why aren't we seeking out interesting things? Why aren't Matt and I going on date nights?
I know that I'm not going to conferences/retreats/etc. because of our budget limitations. That's also why we aren't planning fun and interesting vacations.
So what is in my circle of control? What can I specifically do to better meet my needs?
- Use the babysitting co-op to go on dates with Matt. This piece is very important and woefully missing from our life.
- Start planning a big vacation for 2014. We'll have two full-time incomes by then. For me, planning is half the fun, so getting started now might help lift my spirits.
- Plan to make something for the new baby.
- Clean and organize our current space. Our current rental house feels cluttered to me, and clutter makes me feel stuck and unmotivated.
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4 comments:
We are also dealing with a national tragedy. I am trying not to watch too much news coverage about it, but even so, I have cried about it several times. Perhaps it is affecting your mood too.
In addition, the holidays are a very up and down time for me. I'm very sentimental and happy, but also stressed and moody (especially if things aren't unfolding as perfectly as I might like).
There's a lot in the air right now.
Does it feel different than when you were pregnant with Henry? Just be sure you are not teetering on depression that needs to be addressed from a medical standpoint. I know several women who had pregnancy-induced depression. It was more than just "saddness". Also, there are points where you need to accept that there just isn't time or money or energy to do the "big" things or the quirky things that take effort. That needs to be ok sometimes. Life isn't always big and grand and that's normal and ok, and expecting that is should be is not realistic, so is sure to lead to disappointment. Hang in there, Sara.
I hope the sadness passes very soon. This can be a very difficult time of year in addition to recent events. There have been many times when I just haven't been able to share in the joy of the season. I hope you can enjoy a nice holiday soonish!
I agree with Elizabeth - that terrible tragedy has filled me with a sadness that is hard to shake. Plus, you have stretched yourself thin, which also can contribute to feeling overwhelmed...
One thought on vacations (we're in the same boat as far as vacation funding). Camping trips are great ways to see things, spend time outside, and are super affordable. Our boys love the time outside and probably enjoy it as much or more than a hotel somewhere :) Pedernales Falls is a great place to do a trial run because if it doesn't work out, you're only 45 minutes from home!
On a different note...Man, your list of personal needs makes me realize what a terrible job I do meeting my own needs. I had never really thought about my own list in detail, but yours captures mine pretty well. I think I scored a zero :(
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