Life as a Work in Progress

If you want to know how I'm feeling on the inside, just take one look at my surroundings. Up until yesterday you would have seen a messy house, messy car, and messy work bag. And I'm gaining weight. 

Inside, I feel like my to-do list is endless, things are coming at me too fast, and I'm completely exhausted all the time. None of this is a surprise. When I planned to open a school in 2014, I was only going to have one kid and s/he was going to be 3.5 when the school opened. That scenario would have been way easier. We changed our minds about the only child thing and then had to hurry up and have another baby before the school opened. A miscarriage happened and pushed back the timing even more, which means I'm trying to work time-and-a-half professionally, while also juggling an infant, a toddler, and a wicked case of sleep-deprivation. 

But I wouldn't have it any other way! I love my job and am so thankful that we were able to grow our family. It's just a matter of getting everything to a manageable place.

When I get to that point where everything feels cluttered and overwhelming on the inside, I usually start with the outside. First I started with my car. I pulled out all the trash, Henry's bike and helmet, the assortment of socks, the glass that has been rattling around for a week, and everything else that managed to accumulate. 

And then I moved into the house. I put away all the work stuff that started piling up. Once one system starts to go (e.g., once my car gets messy), then I lose all motivation to keep anything else organized. It's so much easier to take something out and not put it away. At the end of the night, I just want to crash rather than put in the ten minutes it would take to tidy everything up. 

It's the same thing with food. I eat when I'm stressed. Once I start getting stress pounds (apparently the German's call this kummerspeck), then I throw all abandon to the wind and eat whatever I want. Whenever I want. Which is all the time. 

Of course I like it in the moment, but it makes me feel terrible! I feel sluggish and uncomfortable in my clothes. 

So, I need to figure out the healthy eating piece. Matt and I are really having trouble getting to the store every week. Not going to the store leads to trying to piece meals together and also going out too much. 

When I want to make a change, I identify what the change looks like and when it occurs. 

Change #1 = I want to use my meal planning template to pick healthy meals for the week. I can take Henry and Tate shopping on Friday afternoons after I pick up Henry. 

Change #2 = Although I've loved my new smoothie recipe, I think it's time to move away from the peanut butter. I'm going to go back to my yogurt, orange juice, spinach, frozen mango, and banana smoothie. I'm going to start measuring the ingredients into blender to be more cautious of how much I'm eating. 

Change #3 = I'm going to purchase frozen meals to have on hand in case we don't have enough leftovers for lunch. I hate the packaging and the expense of frozen meals, but it's where I am right now. I'd like to get to a point where I could make frozen burritos on Sunday to eat throughout the week, but I'm not there right now. This is the year to make a clearing.

Change #4 = I need to figure out the exercise piece again. I had been going to the YMCA regularly, but now Tate hates the daycare and I can only squeeze in 15 minutes of exercise before they come get me. My goal is three runs a week. I can go to the YMCA on Saturday morning with Henry (while Matt runs with Tate). On Sunday, Matt can take the boys to the dog park while I run around the trail (since he plays soccer in the afternoons). Then, once during the week, Matt could switch his running time from 8:30am-10am to 3:30pm-5:00pm (if it works for his work schedule), and I could fit in one more run while he takes Tate in the stroller and I take Henry to the YMCA. 

Phew! I feel better just having a plan of action. Of course I keep coming up with a similar version of this plan every couple months, but I'm okay with that. Life is a work in progress. 

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