More on the Montessori Floor Bed

Now that Henry is over a year-old, the concept of a Montessori floor bed doesn't even feel novel anymore. It just feels normal. I've written several different posts about the floor bed, including this one about our original decision and an update when he was four months-old, .

I think it's done a lot for Henry's independence and his sense of his place in the world to have the freedom to get in and out of his own bed. I wanted to answer this question from a kindred spirit related to floor beds:

I'm currently pregnant with my first and have been considering trying a floor bed. I'll probably keep the baby in our room in a co-sleeper for the first several months, but was planning on trying the floor bed for naps early on. I have two nagging questions, though.

My first concern is really logistical. I really want to use a non-toxic, safe mattress, but I also would prefer a thinner mattress in case of roll-offs. We have room for a twin, and I'd prefer that for longevity. I do have access to the thinner Ikea mattresses, but I don't know how safe the contents really are. More importantly, I don't know that it's possible to get a safe, tight fit with the sheets and mattress cover on a thinner mattress. I wouldn't think there'd be sheets out there for a mattress only 3" thick. I also found an organic futon online, but it looks relatively soft and quilted, and I worry about SIDS with a softer, pillowy surface. Frankly, figuring out all these logistics are making me lean more towards a crib, because it's just easier to make it all add up, and I figure safety is the most important thing. Loose, baggy sheets aren't an option. I'm wondering if you've heard how any other people have solved this conundrum.

My other question is about a baby's comfort in an exposed sleeping environment. I'm sure that many cultures - Japan and Native American cultures come to mind - may not use a crib or cradle, but in those cases the baby probably sleeps close to its mother. Might there be an instinctual fear of being left so exposed and vulnerable? Has anyone noticed a baby's discomfort with the floor bed because of this?

There are many things I really like about the idea of a floor bed, but these two issues currently have me stymied. Any thoughts you or your readers have would be really helpful.

First, congratulations!

Second, I hear all your concerns. Doing something that's not mainstream can be scary, especially when it's related to something as precious as another life. Plus, it's difficult to find thin, eco-friendly mattresses (that fit in the budget). Here are some ideas that have come up in our Montessori in the Home group:

• Plus Beds Latex Mattress designed for sofa beds, so it is thinner
  
• Holy Lamb Organics, which has organic, all wool mattresses

You can mitigate the height by putting a soft carpet next to the bed. Kylie's son Otis uses a thick mattress, and he doesn't seem to have any trouble with it.

As for making the sheets as tight as possible, you could easily sew some elastic strips across the underside to pull it tight, like I did for Henry's co-sleeing mattress.

To address an infant's need for closeness like you described, Montessorians recommend using something called a cestina basket. It's shallower and wider than a Moses Basket, but you could also use a Moses Basket, since cestinas are hard to come by. The idea is to create a womb-like experience for the first 6-8 weeks of life (which is considered to be the Symbiotic Period in Montessori child development theory). When they graduate out of the basket and into their bed, you keep the bed in a corner, so they are surrounded on two sides.

I definitely advise planning and thinking through all your options like you're doing, but also remind yourself that your child will have his/her own opinions about where to sleep. Henry spent the first three months of his life taking every nap in the Moby wrap on our chests. At night, he didn't want to sleep in either of the two co-sleeper options we had set up; he wanted to sleep in my armpit. Matt and I followed Henry's need, but we also kept our ultimate goal in mind (Henry's independence) and looked for opportunities to transition him into more independence. At two months we stopped co-sleeping at night. At three months, Henry was ready to nap on our bed instead of our chests. I think around four months he finally started napping on his floor bed (but I had to lay with my leg on him to get him to fall asleep). Finally, he learned to put himself to sleep for naps and at night.

At every step of the way, we looked for those opportunities to transition and teach him the next level of independence. Babies change so fast! I find that Henry is usually ready for things before I realize it.

I also want to point out that using a floor bed felt risky to us at points. Henry was clearly more comfortable sleeping on his stomach, which freaked us out to no end, since we were directly violating the "Back to Sleep" campaign. We also worried that he would roll off his bed and smother himself somewhere in the room. I tried to examine my fears through a rational lens. Thinking about the documentary Babies helped a lot. I would ask myself, "What would the mother in Mongolia do?"

Ultimately, we all need to make decisions that feel right to us. That's the best we can do with our lives. If those choices lead to negative outcomes, we can at least find some comfort in the knowledge that we did our best.

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How to Start a Nonprofit Organization

I don't do a lot of Q&A on this blog, but sometimes a kindred spirit e-mails me a question that feels relevant to a wider audience, like this one:

I'm trying to start an Edible Schoolyard program in my home town that will use gardening education to teach the students about healthy eating and sustainable living. I thought you'd be a good person to ask advice from.

Do you have any experience with this type of program, especially through Montessori? Have you come across research for or against something like this? Do you have any resources that would help me with the logistics of leading a start up like this?

First, I love programs like this! In Houston, we had Urban Harvest that worked with schools to set up gardening programs. They were expensive and we couldn't afford to use them every year, but we enjoyed working with them when we could afford it. There's also a program in Houston that involves cooking in the schools. I think a gardening-cooking nonprofit would be an amazing combination. Kids really do like healthy food when they plant, harvest, and cook it. My students loved our salad party and making sweet potato French fries.

The reason I wanted to answer this question for everyone was because of the last part. Do I know any resources that would help with the logistics of leading a nonprofit like this?

Why, yes I do. I am in the middle of applying for 501(c)(3) status to become a tax-exempt nonprofit, and it was an incredibly daunting and overwhelming process until I found this book:

How to Start a Nonprofit Corporation

So there you go. Get your hands on it. It will simplify the process a ton and make you feel like you can conquer the world (or at least start up a nonprofit that can do some good for the world!).

I wish you the best of luck. As Mary Oliver says, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do / with your one wild and precious life?" I hope you find your answer in this awesome new endeavor!

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More Updates: Building a Community

Initially, I had big plans for building a community in Austin. I wanted to buy two acres of land and sell off pieces of it to friends. When I talked to a developer about the idea, he scoffed and asked, "Do you know how hard it is to develop land in Austin?" (due to all the regulations, added expense of bringing utilities and water to the houses, etc.). That's when I started thinking about the "N Street" model of cohousing where adjacent neighbors start tearing down their fences (although in my modified version, we would buy and build upon adjacent lots).

During that time, I met a man who had bought an acre of land in Austin, built a house upon it, and then subdivided the remaining half acre into three lots (each 6,000 square feet). His vision was nearly identical to my own, but we disagreed on the drug use issue, so it didn't feel like the right fit for our family.

We went back to searching for adjacent lots in a pre-existing neighborhood and exploring other options, such as living in a planned community, moving into a regular neighborhood and facilitating community, etc.

Meanwhile, our realtor kept looking for vacant lots. I would dutifully drive by the ones she really liked. While on one of those journeys, I came across a really neat little pocket of East Austin. It's not too far off the main roads, and yet it feels like the country with cows and horses. There are two-acre plots of land for sale that seem pretty reasonable.

I keep going back to the original vision. What if Matt and I could afford to buy one of those 2-acre plots and build a house on it? Yes, it would stretch us a ton initially, but, over time, we could get the land officially subdivided and sell off the other pieces. Plus, in a couple years, my salary will most likely increase when I transition from part-time back to full-time employment as a school principal.

We're still thinking, thinking. We're asking a lot of questions, exploring different options, and seeing what feels right. We're not in a rush, except that interest rates are just so low right now.

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Kahlil Gibran: On Children

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

------------------------

This poem. This poem resonates with me so deeply. It's hard to articulate what gets me every time about this poem. There's the part about children being "Life's longing for itself." I am astounded when I think about a simple sperm and egg coming together to create an entire being that continues to grow into a walking, talking, independent person.

And there's just the overwhelming message that our children are who they are. They are their own seeds that already contain everything within them. As parents, our job is to provide the right environment--the nutrient-rich soil, sun, water, and oxygen--so that they can sprout and unfold and grow into their fullest potential. We cannot determine that potential, nor should we try to steer it; we should simply help them uncover who they are and who they want to be.

It's the selflessness of parenting that gets me every time, too. The image of being bent so that my child can shoot forth into the world is the perfect metaphor for the way parenthood feels to me.

I just felt compelled to share this poem--as much for you as for me--so that I can continue to hold these truths in my heart

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Book Club

I'm going to a parenting book club this month, and the book is Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline: The 7 Basic Skills for Turning Conflict into Cooperation. For any of you who live in Austin and want to join, you can find the information here.

Here's the description of the book:

Have you ever opened your mouth to discipline your child, and your parents' nastiest words tumble out? In an era when most parenting books focus on the child, this book supports parents in dealing more positively with themselves as well as their toddler–to–school–age children, offering specific tools to stop policing and pleading with kids and start being the parents we want to be.

Based on Dr. Bailey's more than 25 years of work with children, this book explains that how we discipline ourselves is ultimately how we discipline our children. Her "Seven Powers for Self–Control" dramatically increase our ability to keep our cool with our children. These correspond to "Seven Basic Discipline Skills" we can use with our children in conflict situations. As children internalise these skills, they naturally learn "Seven Values for Living," which include integrity, respect, compassion, and responsibility.

While I was looking for the description, I came across this book that looks interesting, too: I Love You Rituals. I'm going to get both of them from the library.

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Meal Planning

Last week was a really rough week for the Cotner-Bradford family in the kitchen. Basically, we never went grocery shopping (although Matt did pick up a few items at one point), so we ate out every night. Since I've been thinking that I need to eat more moderately, my overwhelming impulse was to eat junk food all week, before I officially started eating healthy food (terrible personal philosophy, I know!). We literally had veggie burgers, french fries, and milkshakes more than once. Since Henry has been eating everything we eat (from about eight-months on), I feel twice as bad about eating unhealthy foods because now I'm not only corrupting my body, I'm corrupting his, too.

Ugh.

But there's no need to dwell in self-flagellation. It's time to make some action steps!

I need to get back to using Meals for a Year to do my weekly meal planning. I strayed from using it because it was difficult to look at the shopping list on my iPhone, and plus some of the meals didn't sound super-appealing. Both of those things are such easy fixes. I hate when a problem could be easily solved with five minutes of work but I put it off and put it off for days, weeks, or even months.

My easy solutions:

1. Print the list each week. I should do this when I'm sitting down to make my Weekly Action Plan. I can shrink two pages to fit on one sheet.
   
2. If there's a meal that doesn't sound appealing, I can simply choose one of our easy, go-to meals to replace it.
   

What I love about Meals for a Year is that it exposes me to all sorts of new recipes, and it takes the work out of meal planning every single week. My intention is to use it all year long and keep track of our favorite recipes. At the end of the year, I can sit down and compile all of our favorites into four seasonal meal plans. I would create a meal plan for an entire month, and we would rotate through it three times before switching to the next season's meal plan.

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Reflection & Rejuvenation: April

From the Nikki McClure Calendar

How does each month come and go so quickly? Sheesh!

This month has been good. I appreciated Katharina's comment about how it takes her about six months to transition to a new city. Although the impatient part of me hates to hear that, I think she's right.

Henry started daycare this month, which was great except that he got sick and had to stay home on and off for the first two weeks of April. It wouldn't have been a big deal except that I had planned a boatload of meetings for Magnolia Montessori For All. Our main babysitter was out of town, so Matt and I had to scramble to cover the sick days. We did a decent job of it, except that once I had to bring Henry to a meeting with me (he was still in his snot-covered pajamas). Needless to say, the woman I met with is not interested in joining our board of directors...

Although he still has a constant drip, he is going to "school" every day and he honestly seems to love it. Matt drops him off in the morning, and I pick him up at 12:30. When I pick him up, he frankly doesn't seem to care that I'm there. He keeps playing with his friends (although he will occasionally stop, come over to give me a hug, and then start playing again). I feel so, so thankful that I was able to stay home with him full-time for an entire year, and now we're able to transition slowly back to work and away from family with this part-time schedule. It feels perfect for our family (even though it was hard on me internally).

Today is officially my first day at my new part-time job as the Director of Operations and Compliance at a charter school opening in East Austin this fall. I've been volunteering in this capacity since last fall, but I am finally starting this job for real. It feels great! I'll work five hours a day, four days a week and then devote the fifth day to getting Magnolia Montessori For All up and running. Good times!

Let's see how I did this month:

• Complete the Vision and Business Plan for Magnolia Montessori For All: No, I have not completed these, but I did take good steps in the right direction.
  
• Pull together a Montessori design team to help revise the charter application: Same answer as above.
  
• Present at a Texas Montessori conference: Wow, was that seriously this month? Craziness! It feels so long ago!
  
• Get business cards designed and printed: Yes!
  
• Finish our taxes: Yes!
  
• Change our address for everything (including license): Yes!
  
• Completely finish unpacking the house: Oops, no.
  
• Run at least four times a week: Got better but not consistent.

Okay, that felt pretty dismal. There's no need to feel bad about it, but I do need to stay focused on why I'm not achieving my goals and what I can do about it. It's important for me to trust that I can set out to do something and then actually accomplish it. It's such an empowering feeling.

I also want to take a second to acknowledge all the things I accomplished that I didn't set out to do:

• Attended a training about how to start a charter school.
• Toured a Montessori school for Henry and attended a parenting education class.
• Met with friends for various lunches and dinners.
  
• Brought a friend a meal to celebrate her new baby.
• Had 15 meetings.

So, April, what do you have in store for me (let me go back to my yearly goals to see what I want to accomplish)?

• Read Good to Great as my professional development book this month
  
• Work on the book I'm writing with Kylie about cooking with children in a Montessori way.
• Work on charter school application.
• Participate in Austin Earth Day event.
• Design marketing materials for Magnolia Montessori For All.
• Submit Form 1023 to become a tax-exempt nonprofit organization.
• Read either Every Last Cuckoo or Charms for the Easy Life. I need to start reading fiction again!
  
• Organize the garage.

All right. Off I go!

What are your intentions this month?

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