First Visit to the Midwife

Today's post wraps up our little series about pregnancy. There will definitely be more to come, but it's not likely to be every single day like it has been this entire week.

I wanted to share my first visit to the midwife with you all. I suppose I should backtrack and explain why Matt and I chose to go the homebirth route with a certified-nurse midwife, in case I haven't explicitly talked about it.

I have to say upfront that I am not going to get on a soapbox and pontificate about why the entire maternity care system should switch over to homebirth. I just don't feel that certain about it. In fact, if I am one of those rare cases where something goes horribly wrong, I may wish I would have gone the hospital route.

But as it is right now, a homebirth makes the most sense for our family. Here are my thoughts about it:

• Personally, I am more uncomfortable with the likelihood of receiving unnecessary interventions in the hospital than I am with the risks associated with homebirth. I am afraid of unnecessary induction and pitocin. I am afraid of wanting an epidural because other interventions changed the nature, frequency, and intensity of my contractions. I am afraid of the situation escalating into a cesarean, primarily because the doctor is afraid of a malpractice suit. I am afraid that years down the road, we will realize that many of the "common" interventions used in childbirth actually have unintended consequences and leave a negative impact on our children.
  
• I can't imagine going through the most painful experience of my life while strapped to monitors that hinder me from moving in ways that are most comfortable to me. I can't imagine being encouraged to lie on my back in a very unnatural position, simply because it's convenient for other people. I can't imagine spending hours upon hours in a tiny room with different people coming in and out as the shifts change.

Even as I write all of that, I can imagine that many of you had hospital births and had much better experiences than the one I'm envisioning. I can also imagine someone writing a similarly negative list about homebirths (e.g., "I can't imagine having all that blood in my own home! I can't imagine how scared I would be to deliver a baby so far from the hospital....").

That's the thing about big, life-changing events: We have to do what makes sense to us. And then be okay with it.

And then we have to realize that there's a line between what we can and cannot control. I may very well end up in a hospital with a cesarean, despite all my intentions!

I actually think the most important thing in the whole process is finding someone you trust to be your caregiver, regardless of whether it's a hospital, birthing center, or homebirthing situation.

Luckily, Matt and I adore our midwife. She recently moved her office to our neighborhood, so it takes about four minutes to get to her historic bungalow office. While we waited in the front room, I immediately felt comfortable. It was so much easier to relax in an environment with natural light and comfortable furnishings.

When she called us in, she let us ask questions first. I asked her about how she handles Rh factor since I'm A negative and Matt is A positive. We asked her when our birthing classes begin, as well as her thoughts about eating soft cheeses/runny egg yolks, having sex even though I've had some spotting, and jogging. She then talked through our entire health history, as well as how we're doing psychologically and emotionally with the pregnancy. She even asked questions like: "Sara, how is your relationship with Matt's family? Matt, how is your relationship with Sara's family?" in order to get a picture of our emotional states and our general support system.

Throughout each part of the conversation, she really listened to us and responded to our concerns. She also demonstrated her immense knowledge and connected with us as people. I also appreciated how she focused a lot on action steps. For example, she asked me what was stressing me out most in my life right now. I explained that I am most worried about the fact that Matt and I have different preferences for how frequently we are sexually intimate. I added that I was particularly worried about how our relationship would be impacted once we were more exhausted and stressed than we have ever been. She gave us the card for a couple who does counseling and suggested that we speak to them so they could help us get to the root of the issue. In terms of other next steps, she directed me to a local herb shop to pick up some red raspberry leaf and nettle tea. She also gave me a diet log to fill out and bring to our next appointment.

Although I feel a little unsettled by the fact that sonograms will not be a routine part of our visits, I am overall really happy with the route we've chosen for ourselves. I'll let you know how it goes!

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