The Waiting Game: Am I Pregnant?
The week before last, I felt totally pregnant. I felt just like I did right after we conceived Henry: bloated, weird flutter things, general crampiness--stuff like that. Last week and this week, not so much. I took a pregnancy test that we had lying around, and it was negative. I didn't expect it to be positive (even though I think I'm pregnant) because I took it so early.
So now we wait. We wait until it makes sense to take a pregnancy test again. On the one hand, I was so convinced I felt pregnant two weeks ago (and last week I wanted to take a nap nearly every afternoon). On the other hand, it would be out-of-this world unbelievable if we were able to get pregnant on our first try for two consecutive children. I'm not sure I can wrap my brain around just how crazy that would be.
The prospect of deciding to get pregnant, trying, and then getting pregnant quickly has given me a false sense of being able to control this process. I need to take this opportunity to remind myself that we cannot control getting pregnant, carrying the baby to term, safely delivering the baby, and growing the baby into a healthy adult. We can do our very best to control the inputs--we can do everything within our control to create the most nurturing environment for these things to happen--but we ultimately can't control whether or not they happen. Life is a fragile gift, and we must appreciate it deeply.
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My husband and I are looking to (hopefully) start a family in 2-3 years, and we know that we will face fertility issues due to an already-diagnosed health condition. I keep reminding myself of the very same--the outputs are not up to us, but the inputs are. I get a lot of comfort out knowing that I am doing everything I can to prepare my body for a healthy pregnancy when/if the time comes. I'm thinking of you all during this waiting game!
Don't be surprised if it happens the first time twice. Been there. Very fortunate along those lines.
I got pregnant on the first try twice as did one of my close friends. She "jokes" that she has had sex exactly twice in the past 3.5 years and both times ended up pregnant! She now has a 28 month old and another one due in a few weeks!
The "am I feeling this symptom? Am I not?" game will psych you out. It sounds like you're refocusing in a really healthy way. What's good about remembering that we can't always plan everything is that it helps to keep us in the present.
"What, I can't predetermine how every minute of my life will go?! Eek!
Oh, that means I can stop spending my life planning and start spending it living in the moment? Ahhhh."
The waiting sucks. There's no denying it. But there's a gift in the waiting too. It forces you realize that today has its own sweetness, regardless of what tomorrow brings.
Hang in there, Sara! :)
I really like Kelly's comments. We have been trying for 8 months to no avail. It was starting to drive me a little insane over thinking every physical thing that occurred. This month I have let go, taking a break from over planning, over thinking and just reminding myself this could be our last time, just the two of us. From testing there appears to be no physical hindrances to becoming pregnant, I just have to accept that it's not time yet. (Way easier said than done)
I wish you luck! And thank you for sharing your process. Helps me feel a little more sane.
I have a friend who got pregnant a week before deciding to try... :)
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