Marriage & Motherhood

I just love this reflection over at Kelly Rae Roberts about marriage after baby. She says, "Parenthood, like any other big transition in life (marriage, separation, moves, etc), throws you into major opportunity to grow into new versions of yourself and into new versions of partnership and marriage. They aren't kidding when they say it's life changing. I think it's self changing. Marriage changing. All the changing isn't easy, but there is wholeness and healing at every turn."

She goes on to say, "We're finding the pieces just don't fit together the way they used to in the marriage puzzle, the self puzzle, the community puzzle. The pieces have changed. And so have we. Our edges are in some cases, more sharp, and in others, more soft. In some cases where there used to be tenderness there is anger. Where there used to be anger is now tenderness. The triggers are different. The lessons are different."

I've been thinking a lot about my marriage lately. As cheesy as it sounds, it is my anchor. It grounds me and holds me when everything else feels tumultuous or when I'm feeling pulled. 

But I also feel myself starting to take its security for granted. I feel like I let myself pull harder on the rope because of its strength. 

I've been working so hard to be a good mother to Henry. Mothering raises so many questions about what is right and good and true. I try to forge my path in the direction that feels right to me. I want to feel proud of the way I interact with Henry and the relationship we build together. I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I was the best mother I could be.

But I can't lose sight of the way I interact with Matt and the relationship we continue to build together. I have to continue cultivating it with care, even as my passion for building Austin's first public Montessori school grows, even as we have another child, even as our lives get busier. 

It's definitely easier said than done, and it's definitely a work in progress. But work worth doing.

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